Wednesday, July 29, 2009

BOOBTUBE: KIDS PLAY THE DARNDEST SONGS

Songs about being a nomadic druggie:


Songs about going to a maximum-security prison on murder charges:

(big ups to kray for this one)

I have no idea what he's singing about, but his name is Nat Nat, and he's got wayyy more souljam than that lisping punk:


Of course, there's always the original kid cover band...

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\\\not a dream, true story

So I went out last night to see IN who I'm finna manage now, along with the Castles. I was out pretty late - about 5 AM or so. Like any night/morning, I thought it would be a good idea to grab a bacon egg and cheese. Actually, I knew I wanted a sandwich but the man behind the counter asked if I wanted a bacon egg and cheese - and I did - because people in the business of food service often know me better than I know myself. So I place a 1$ Mucho Mango on the counter, ask for a pack of Marlboro Milds, and go smoke one outside as I wait for my sammy and to pay. I ask if its okay for me to go outside before I pay and the man behind the counter makes some smug comment about how its no concern to him because he knows that I know that it's in my best interest to not do so. I'm like, yeah whatever man. Right then 2 drunk 19-20 year olds walk in and one of them touches my Mucho Mango. I noticed this much. The man behind the counter said something - I imagine "that's not yours". For a minute, these dudes fall off my radar as I sign to get my bacon egg and cheese, cigarettes, and $1 Arizona Iced Tea corp beverage. Before I'm out the door I have fresh bacon in my mouthpiece. Before I walk the one block to my apartment building, I'm 3/4 done with my 1/2 of a bacon egg and cheese. Before I knew it, these 2 dudes are lunging at me out of no where. They both start doing what I imagine was an attempt to "pound" on me but their punches weren't anything impressive. The only thing I could say was "I don't even got anything." I hit one of them and he falls to the ground. Immediately the both of them run away as I yell "you fuckin pussies!" at them real loud. As I try to gather my belongings - bacon egg and cheese and mucho mango - I realize something was missing. THOSE DUDES JUMPED ME FOR MY 1$ MUCHO MANGO ARIZONA ICED TEA. Also, during the scuffle I managed to get hot, melted, eggcheese all over my white collared shirt. The same collared shirt that prompted an attractive woman to call me "college boy" earlier that night - now a waste. I totally would have bought these losers their own Mucho Mangos if they asked. BUT THEY DIDNT. INSTEAD THEY JUMPED ME.

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Tuesday, July 28, 2009

A visit from Kate: 2nd favorite picture from today



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A VISIT FROM KATE: As promised, old-timey photos



Or fake ones?  This pig looks fake to me.
Or sit on them
Or whatever.


Crocodiles were "a thing"

Although not an animal, guys pretending to get the moon drunk = also a nice look


Why don't we do this anymore?  Oh wait, we do, it just looks worse.

It builds character!  Whatever, someday you'll be grateful.
What are you doing you creepy creepy bitch?
Sometimes though, we still get it right

Really right

This is the best picture I found today

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A VISIT FROM DAP: SHAQ DRIVING THE BUS

In this dream I was hanging out the spare room of a girl I know's house. The room was completely full of junk, the best pile of which was a milk crate in the center of the room that was full of used electric guitars. I picked up some sort of bastardized Model V guitar and started plucking the strings and smoking cigarettes, all of which were smaller than normal and tasted of incense. This was, I think, some bizarre way of impressing the girl who was somewhere in the house. After I was finished with this, I decided to go outside by climbing out the window (which was normal in the dream) and ended up waiting for the bus. Once I got on I was sitting next to Shaquille O'Neal who was wearing full MTA garb. He told me he worked for the MTA on Tuesdays during the day to give back to the community. I asked him how I could get to the L train and he said we passed it so I should just wait on the bus till it goes around again. He got up and started driving the bus while I started asking him questions about the NBA. His shift, which apparently was about 15 minutes of driving the bus ended and we went back to the girl's house to play guitars. Then my phone rang (IRL), ruining what was probably going to end up being an awesome jam-out.

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the fuck is this?



who're the ad wizards that came up with this one?

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Monday, July 27, 2009

OH LAWDY LOO!

Found this gem typing 'lordy loo' into Google:

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A VISIT FROM KATE: Fancy dogs etc.

I feel like I got hit by a truck.  Undeservedly.    Let's take a trip into the picture archives, shall we?  Guess how many pictures I have of vintage dogs being fancy.  
Fanciest dog
Photographer dogs
Cycling Enthusiast dog
Smoking dogs





Dog with no choice in the matter
Fancy cats (and proto-lol cats)
Stylish dog with dog's best friend
Coming tomorrow, more old-timey pictures of people with other types of animals, here's a sneak preview

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BOOBTOON: UNTOONING IS A THING, I DO NOT KNOW WHY

So I guess excavations of the uncanny valley are going pretty well lately, cause they continue to unearth some shit down there that creeps my skin off:


Why is this called untooning? (And why is this image-raping focused on the simpsons?) These awful creatures look no more real than their tooney ancestors... especially when they're done with the skills of a Ukranian 3D porn animator:

But accordingly, when an animal-type creature gets untooned, it don't look half bad or at all unsettling:
But then again:

Ha ha, I just noticed Mr. Burns' hands are backwards. Bravo, Ukrainian man.


Bonus video: the opposite of untooning!

BONUS BONUS VIDEO: another opposite of untooning, but equally as disturbing!

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A VISIT FROM DAP: MANSQUITO


I don't usually watch 'bad' movies outside of the horror genre, except with my main man Dash (Vodkatron from youwildin.com). I have to say my favorite all-time piece of shit movie in terms of unoriginality and 'holy-shit'edness would have to be a flick we saw on Sci-fi (now SyFy) 3-4 years ago called Mansquito. A little interneting around has revealed that director Tibor Tak√°cs has quite a few directing credits:

  1. Lies & Illusions (2009)
  2. NYC: Tornado Terror (2008) (TV)
  3. Mega Snake (2007) (TV)
  4. Ice Spiders (2007) (TV)
  5. Kraken: Tentacles of the Deep (2006) (TV)
  6. The Black Hole (2006) (TV)
  7. Mansquito (2005)
    ... aka Mosquitoman (USA: DVD box title)
  8. Nature Unleashed: Earthquake (2004) (V)
  9. Rats (2003)
    ... aka Killer Rats (Canada: English title)
RATS, AKA KILLER RATS.

That is all.


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A VISIT FROM DAP: GATHERING OF THE JUGGALOS 2009 INFOMERCIAL

We here at Gordon Gartrelle have been all over this year's Gathering of the Juggalos since June. I'm sure most of you out there have already seen the infomercial for this year's gathering featuring Sugar Slam and some dude whose name I've forgotten. Pastel Magazine really breaks it down in this article.

"If you've never been to The Gathering, this is the motherfucking year to go, bitch boy."

Also, this juggalette in the big city.

C U IN CAVE-IN-ROCK SUCKAZZZZ!!!

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Sunday, July 26, 2009

BOOBTUBE: WOMAN DUBBED 'STUPIDEST PERSON EVER'

I can't really write anything about this video because every single line is quotable gold. But 1:18 is where she kicks into the nth gear.

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A VISIT FROM AUNT BOOB: RE: DAVID LEE ROTH

Oh shit, that totally reminds me I have this folder on my desktop marked "VH" which is all shit stolen from this dude's flickr. He musta been the band photog for them throughout the whole of the 80s (you can do it, ben rowland photography ©), cause he has nothing but vintage shit of DLR, EVH, RVH, ETC, proving that they were in fact a kickass party band as well as some kind of dope musicians (you can do it, das ®acist):



Also I once read DLR's "auto"biography Crazy From The Heat which included such [paraphrased] lines as:
- "I didn't learn how to do dance moves. That stuff you see on stage is designed to kick a man off a horse"
- "You know how I know Elvis is dead? Cause if he weren't, Michael Jackson would be." [INSERT JOKE HERE]
- "You can lead a horse to water, and you can make it drink, but that's it man. All you have left is a story."

BPHE. best personal hero ever.

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