Yeah yeah yeah, we all know movies inexplicably come in pairs. Paul Blart: Mall Cop and Seth Rogen: Mall Cop ... Kill Bill and Kill Bill 2 ... Armageddon and Capote.
We all know what we think about this phenomenonsense because every dude or dudette who's ever watched a tv has brought this up, and there's even a blogger.com bylaw that requires every blog to mention it at least once. Well I'm about to go above and beyond the law, in order to report:
THERE ARE THREE JEKYLL & HYDE MOVIES COMING OUT, AND EACH ONE HAS A WHAAAA? FACTOR OF AT LEAST 7.5!
Jekyll & Hyde, the story that's been told and retold so often (supposedly over 123 times, in cinema alone), that even rip-offs have been remade into brilliant and influential franchises. Regardless, the Big Wheel in the Hills keeps on turning, and this time at triple speed, giving us...
Jekyll & Hyde #1:
- Directed by Guillermo Del Toro. No other deets on it yet (cause he's focusing on making his original ideas first). So yeah, sorry, this actually has a pretty low WHAAAA factor, cause dude seems to get his rocks off on movies about humanesque freaks split between two worlds (Blade, Hellboy, Amélie, etcetcetc). But this just sets the stage for the next two J&H projects that are sure to rock your cradle:
Jekyll & Hyde #2:
- Directed by some Danish dude whose last name looks like an html code. The role of Dr. Jekyll will be played by that wack-attack who couldn't act his way out of his own black hat Keanu Reeves, but Mr. Hyde on the other hand will be played by yes yes yes KEANU REEVES AKA The Sexiest Man On God's Go-Green Earth, a man so versatile he could star in a Peter Sellers biopic and win all the Oscars that Peter didn't. Okay, yeah, all jokes aside: THIS IS A JOKE. But still, it's nothing compared to:
Jekyll & Hyde #3:
- Directed by Abel Ferrara, whose movies usually have "cock" uttered more often than "the" (duh). And in the role of Dr. J? Why, Forest Whittaker of course! But who should play his evil id-incarnate? Cuba? Denzel? 50? Well, guess what: IT'S 50. seriously. Curtis Jackson, the man who made more money on his pink Vitamin Water branding than on his entire rap career, the man whose stage name is 50 Cent because "it's a metaphor for change," the man who once ate a 6-pound hamburger just to intimidate his own children. And also, one of the greatest actors who's ever debuted in a video game.
Seriously though, are imdb commenters just running everything now?