Wednesday, July 8, 2009

\\\ two little men, too many eyedrops

ok ok ok

i came across this story on mishkanyc's twitter the other day and have to write about it. twitter, by the way, is one of four reasons i don't blog here as much as i used to. im working on that though. also, if stories like this keep popping up, you have nothing to worry about faithful 3 heems readers.

this past week mexico lost two little people with two big hearts.

that's how i choose to begin this story. take notes who ran with:

"TWO hookers were being quizzed last night after a pair of wrestling MIDGETS died in a sex party."

maybe their use of the word "midgets" instead of "little people" is on some cultural difference in political correctness, but why'd they capitalize "MIDGETS" as if to add insult to injury?

getting distracted. okay.

this past week mexico lost two little people with two big hearts to too many eyedrops and two two-bit whores. alberto and alejandro jimenez, better known as little death (ironically enough) and espectrito II, were two of mexico's most well-known little person masked lucha libre wrestler dudes. their bodies were found in their hotel room last week after they picked up two hookers who drugged them in an effort to rob them. their weapon of choice, straight out of wedding crashers where bradley cooper saw a similar fate sans death, was eye drops. although, again reverting over to, "the dose was too much for their tiny frames." i bet this was something they'd done many times before but they didn't adjust the dose accordingly to their 4 foot bodies.

everyone wants to talk about michael jackson, farah fawcett, billy maize, robert macnamara, and steve mcnair but these guys were to little person wrestling in mexico and doing drugs and having sex parties what michael jackson was to pop music. what farah fawcett was to babes that were on tv shows for only one year but made a career and legacy out of it along with heck of popular posters. what billy maize was to being a pitch guy that wasnt a methhead selling sham wow or ron popeil. what bobbie mac was to being secretary of defense under kennedy and the first president of ford motors that wasn't a member of the ford family. and finally, what steve mcnair was to throwing a football or something.

then i got to thinking about wrestling. wrestling lately reminds me of hot 97 dj peter rosenberg who likes saying words like "real hip hop" and "underground hip hop" fourteen times during his 1 am monday morning radio show. wrestling historically has reminded me of my childhood. climbing on to my pops back while he laid on the floor watching ultimate warrior and all these wild ass dudes talking hella shit and fighting. jumping on his back and elbowing him. horsing around. i thought about how every time i spoke to a cousin in india when i visited they'd talk to me about wrestling since i was basketball-obsessed and they liked something called cricket. i thought about having my own wrestling matches with my cousins tarun and pankaj when we were kids.

then i thought about how mad wrestlers have died, on some epidemic shit. there is an alarmingly high death rate amongst professional wrestlers. in 2003 someone brought it up with vince mcmahon and he mocked the interviewer and slapped the notes out of his hands. these dudes travel all the time, put their bodies through abuse, and are already the type of dudes who would view professional wrestling as a viable career choice. i reckon you have to be a certain type of dude to want to be a wrestler passed the age of 18. when more hardcore wrestling like ecw became popular shit got even more buck and these dudes were being thrown through tables from large heights. beyond that a lot of them booze and partake in drogas here and there. so you have weird health issues, mental and physical, alcohol and drug abuse, freak accidents, travel accidents, and suicides and shit. its not 6 million, but its many ways to die.

now heres a list of some wrestlers i specifically remember or who sound vaguely familiar that have died before the age of 65:

crash holly - choking on vom after abusing painkillers (soma) and booze

"hot stuff" eddie gilbert - heart attack

eddie guerrero - heart failure

chris candito - pneumonia as a result of wrestling-related injury,

bobby duncum jr. - accidental overdose

owen hart - freak accident, falling from rafters

yokozuna (YOKOZUNA DIED?!) - fluid in his lungs though maybe his weight had something to do with this one. fun fact though, wasn't even japanese. like many wrestlers, dude was samoan. why are so many samoans into wrestling?

brian pillman - heart condition

test - overdosed on oxycodone

davey boy smith/british bulldog - heart attack maybe because of steroids

chris benoit - murdered wife and kids then hung himself

big boss man aka ray traylor - heart attack

rick rude - heart failure, may have been ghb and steroid related

earthquake - bladder cancer

bam bam bigelow (WTF?!) - quick story. bam bam bigelow used to dress up in this jumpsuit with mad orange flames on it. i think he may have even had a skull tattoo with matching flames. in 2000, he received second degree burns on 40% of his body while rescuing three children from a burning house. in 2007 he died of an overdose on coke and temazepam amongst others. he also had diabetes and a heart condition

junkyard dog - car accident

brian adams (crush) - illegal steroids likely played a role



Dap said...

brian PILLman died of a heart attack. But seriously folks, this is a real shame and we need to immediately have some sort of exploitative party concerning these wrestling deaths.

(WV: turan)

Malina Tysonh said...

Your articles make complete sense out of each topic.
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