I had a dream that I was on an airplane and I got up to go pee. The bathroom was right next to the escape hatch and I said jokingly to the other guy in line, "Hey, don't open that, OK?" It wasn't a particularly funny joke but I wasn't even conscious so I think it was fine considering the circumstances. The guy kind of looked like a sloppy John Turturro. He looked at me and then he looked at the hatch and he opened it, but instead of everything flying out of the plane like in the movies, there was just a gentle breeze. He glanced outside for a second and then closed the door and said, "Not so bad."
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Saturday, May 30, 2009
i sport a sickly, yellowish derma, and have only listened to soulsonic force through headphones while laying in bed, wishing i knew how to roll a joint, or at least go into transcendental meditation – so i'm not even in the same olympic stadum as these WALs (winners at life):
Last night some photographers thought that Dap and Hima and Vic and Leif and me looked cool and were having fun in our brown-black dermas. However, as these Detroit historical documents show, we were way the fuck off. Way the fuck off.
Big thanks to JWill for putting me on to this.
And don't forget to give money to Heems to start a venue no joke
Friday, May 29, 2009
Just had a dream that involved me hanging out with prison guards and prisoners inside a prison. I mostly joked around with the prisoners and distributed oranges and apples from a basket to anyone who asked for one. Some of the prisoners would throw spitballs at me through the prison bars, although many prisoners just walked around freely. They wore those old, cartoony black and white striped uniforms. Everything started turning into a Nazi prison, but everyone was hanging out and joking around. At the end of the dream there was a terrifying Holocaust montage with people being dragged around and like a photo book of Holocaust victims with this terrible music in the background.
Busy Signal, of Tic-Toc fame, apparently can't make up his mind in '09. Last year he was not answering his phone, but now.... Giving contradictory messages to those who might stalk you, myself included, is deeply unfair, Busy. Actually, that's not true. No matter what you say, I'm still gonna keep calling.
I'm kinda of the belief that the latter cut, had it come out 35 or so years ago, would have ruined Arthur Russell's reputation with the minimalists so fast. And that it makes me dance real crazy.
And now for lowercase jesus and the love of lowercase jesus:
Also, someone should give Hima a chunk of money to open a venue. I'm just saying. I'd move back from wherever I'm moving to now to help him out.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
so back in the day, friend of GoGart Ray Tintori made a lil short-form epic called Death to the Tinman, which looks like this:
and then recently a very clever nyu student made this thing:
i love that it's about thieves.
This is incredible, not sure what to say about it. YOU MUST GET TO THE 2:00 MARK. The rest is incredible. And make sure not to miss his little post-song interview where he insists he's "exclusively a minister of sobriety." You must hear how he says sobriety! Lionel Davis is one of the greats and I hope someone transcribes the lyrics.
From Wikipedia: The Tacuinum (sometimes Taccuinum) Sanitatis is a medieval handbook on wellness, based on the Taqwin al‑sihha ("Tables of Health"), an eleventh-century Arab medical treatise by Ibn Butlan of Baghdad. Though describing in detail the beneficial and harmful properties of foods and plants, it is far more than a herbal: listing its contents organically rather than alphabetically, it sets forth the six essential elements for well-being:
* sufficient food and drink in moderation,
* fresh air,
* alternations of activity and rest,
* alternations of sleep and wakefulness,
* secretions and excretions of humours, and finally
* the effects of states of mind.
I don't know about all that, but check out this awesome 14th century illustration of a dude vomiting. I found this in a strange, roundabout manner within the last thirty minutes. I was watching a cartoon that mentioned the hot dog eating contest. I wikipedia'd that to find out who the current champ is (Joey "the Jaws" Chestnut). After reading further, I clicked on the banned "roman method" which is just competitive food eating jargon for vomiting while eating. The link led to the Wikipedia entry for vomit, and this is the image I found. Glorious. I like to call it "And Then She Left Me..."
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Monday, May 25, 2009
I had a dream where celebrated German film director Werner "Werny Herzy" Herzog (auteur of seminal films such as Belly, Baby Boy and The Player's Club) had adapted Horward Zinn's unflinching portrait of our country, The People's History of the United States, into a movie, but the movie was just a 40-year-old white guy in a red Mustang convertible parked on a suburban Californian street talking to a blonde girl in a bikini. I was sort of confused, but I was feeling it.
Sunday, May 24, 2009
When I was in Berkeley last week I found (unsurprisingly) a copy of Vision Magazine, "Catalyst for Conscious Living" sitting on a coffeshop table. It was a hippie magazine that, as far as I could tell, advocates for only two things. People eating more fruits/vegetables and some vague notion of "spiritual unity," both things I'm super down for. What I'm less down for: DISTINGUISHING YOURSELF FROM OTHER MIDDLE-CLASS WHITE PEOPLE WITH ARBITRARY INDIAN MIDDLE NAMES. It's like '90s wiggers calling themselves T. Dubz or something because they bought 'No Way Out' at the Wall a few weeks before and now 'things are different." Unnecessary.
"You dead, dawg," says an angry voice. "I ain't even bullshitting. Your kids, too."
I had a dream in which someone called a delivery service and ordered two truckloads of something, except the delivery service was just a single mouse who had to drive one delivery truck for a few feet and then run back and drive the other delivery truck a few feet and then get in the first truck and drive it a few feet and so on. The dream went on for a pretty long time. It was surprisingly relaxing.
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Some Russian (?) pussy backed down from me tonight. Ha ha ha! (At the Q17 bus stop near the 7 station)
I was patiently waiting in line to board the Q17 when a really trashy looking - totally Eurotrash - woman deliberately butted in front of a couple of other people to get on the bus faster. Some asshole guy was with her. he looked Russian, Serbian...one of those eurotrash countries that hasn't produced anything of value for generations. So I walked up to them and said, "Alright. If you assholes are so fucking desperate to plant your worthless asses on the bus, so be it. I will be a MAN and get out of line so that you shit can get on faster." Then I looked at the guy and said: "The seat is yours pussy." It took awhile for his pee brain to recognize that he had been insulted. That's the funny part. And he kept acting tough with his eurotrash whore. But he never set one foot toward me. He kept looking at me and I NEVER averted my gaze. Indeed, I was ready for him to come toward me. Truth be told: I'd have MESSED HIM UP. I'm 5'10" and 190 and he was about 5'7", maybe 160. I'd have MESSED that EUROTRASH MUTHERFUCKER FUCKER UP so bad. ha ha ha! He kept looking bac at me but never fucking moved! What a PUSSY! And the whore kept grabbing him by his jacket and pulling him so that he wouldn't look at me. The PUSSY never took a step t oward me. Fucking EUROTRASH. Your lives are worthless. What's so important about you getting on the bus faster than Asians or other folks? PUSSY! I called you a PUSSY to your face.
Hey Mexican Guy
The teacher told Pepito to use the following words in a sentence:
'Maria likes me, but cheese fat.'
When all of my family get in the car, there's not mushroom.
My fren wanted to become a citizen but she didn't know how to read so I shoulder.
My fren always Texas me when I'm not home wondering where I'm at!
Me and my fren ordered pizza. I got my piece and she got herpes.
Ju told me ju were going to that store and July to me! 'Julyer!'
I had 2 cars but my wife rectum!
One day my gramma slapped me and I said, ' Juarez your problem?'
I was going to go to the store with my wife but chicken go herself.
We only have one enchalada left, but don't worry, wheelchair.
11. Chicken wing
My wife plays the lottery so chicken wing.
My wife caught me in bed with another women and I told her, honey,
harassment nothing to me.
My wife fell down the stairs, so I had to pick the bishop.
14. Body wash
I want to go to the club but no body wash my kids.
15. Green Pink Yellow
When the phone green, I pink it up, and say, 'Yellow?'
Save the earth...it's the only planet with Chocolate!!!
Zhjup@aol.com is a GAY CHINESE PERVERT! (SoHo)
Mediocre director Shekhar Kapur recently made an ad for Schweppes. It features white-ass Nicole Kidman running around some absurd Indian Palace with feathers on. Some Indian dude walks out, she unzips the back of her dress. Then she runs into a room, shuts the door, guzzles Schweppes and says "What did you expect?" I saw Eyes Wide Shut, I expected you to bone that dude! "What did you expect, I'd have sex with an INDIAN MAN? " Garbage.
EDIT: According to Himanshu, the Indian man is Arjun Rampal. Bollywood actor/model. HOW COULD I HAVE MISSED THAT?
Friday, May 22, 2009
I met this man, Alex Koll, in San Francisco. He's a friend of my brother and likes to tell jokes to other human beings on stage. Whatever floats your boat, I say. We interviewed him during our Untitled Kondabolu Brothers Project in San Francisco. He was the Bay Area Champ in 2008's Air Guitar Championships, and was 3rd nationally. He used to go by "Shred Begley Jr." but has changed his name to 'The Awesome' which is pretty kewl. Here's a video of him in the first round of the Nationals, this video is incredible, wait till right after the flip, the shotgun thing. OMG!
I highly recommend you watch this video on mute the first time around.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Here's the blog description:
My name is Myah. I'm 23 years old and a single mom to a very special little girl.
"Packed with modern concepts, wild and wacky pretentions, and maybe more personality than any other car." Why would I want a woman?
bonus: Theme song! "To The Excitement Edge (Pontiac Will Take You There)" by Trey Parker and Matt Stone:
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
I saw this commercial the same day I saw that awesome Intel commercial with Ajay Bhatt in it. Anyway, this one features a 20 oz. soda bottle that looks almost exactly like grape soda (I had to rewind the commercial to make sure it didn't actually say 'GRAPE SODA' on it. It just says 'SODA') and the Kool-Aid man racing down the beach. The Kool-Aid beats the grape soda. There's something strange going on here, I'm just not sure what. Also, Kool-Aid is way better than Soda!!!
on sunday before watching star trek and live-tweeting sex and the city, i started what i reckon will be a long-lasting tradition : rap sundays. on rap sunday, you could have seen me mixing rap songs off of various hypem.com tabs. here are some of my favez from that "sesh."
- gucci mane. gucci mane is probably best known for his single "freaky gurl," his insane chain game, his long criminal record, and for being a rapper named gucci mane. gucci recently signed with warner brothers records. he was recently let go from prison on weededge and burner (weapons) charges.
I’m counting out money in my living-room,
on one track, jeezy offered a bounty for gucci mane's diamond chain. peep gucci's chain game:
hilarious. the only information wikipedia provides on atl's oj da juiceman is that in songs "he frequently calls himself "young juice man." thanks wiki. can i do better? no. though i do know he's on that swizzy and jada joint that goes "if you're real and you know it clap your hands" and sheds light on the age old debate of who's real and who's fake? you see... "he's phony, she's fake."
Whos Real feat. Swizz Beatz & OJ Da Juiceman - Jadakiss
look at dudes chain and his stacks, on deck.
Here's dude with Gucci and Cam, three of the best trappers in the game: OJ Da Juiceman feat Gucci Mane & Cam'ron - Make the Trap Say Ay - via Corporate Bloggin'
Also from mouse rapper OJ da Juiceman (ay!) is a mediocre jawn I heard one time called I Talk via Corporate Bloggin'
any conversation on OJ da Juiceman inevitably reminds me of RA the Rugged Man, failed underground rapper from Suffolk County. but i digress:
this one has a line in which people ask if they missed a mercedes sale cuz of how insane fabolous's mercedes automobile game is. Fabolous f/ The Dream - Throw It In The Bag (zshare)
the next song is the best song ever. Young Money Entertainment, Weezy's imprint which includes Drake, Jae Millz, Gudda Gudda, and Mack Maine, will be dropping a collabo album this year and this is the lead single. In it a couple of amazing things happen:
- All these dudes talk about how they wish they could fuck every girl in the world. Like, every girl? Really guys. Even this chick? I feel like I'm gonna get an STD by just listening to this song. And it's so good, I don't even mind.
- Mack Maine talks about waiting 3 years so he could legally give Miley Cyrus the business.
- Drake continues his run as somehow the dopest rapper out in a minute.
Drake f/ Swizz Beats - Best I Ever Had (Ted Smooth Remix) (via z share)
here (mediafire) he is over mediocre Santigold's Unstoppable, turning it into an actually enjoyable song.
and finally, via a little blog called the fader, heres the most recent of several remixes of NY's own maino's joint - hottest in the hood. this one features jadakiss, fabolous, rick ross, diddy, and oj da juiceman: http://thefader.cachefly.net/hottestinthehoodremix.mp3
I had a dream where I was trying to hide a gun somewhere in a bar. My parents were there. Various other people from my life would show up and leave. I was attracted to a woman who was a composite of numerous women I know. She was asleep in the middle of a pond in a dark corner of the bar. I curled up next to her.
After some time, my mom asked me to sweep up the bar because it was a mess so I started sweeping and realized that the floor was covered in sand. The bar changed into a wooden rooftop patio and I was sweeping sand into some alleyway below. It became unclear as to whether I was inside or outside. The scene somehow smoothly transitions into a house party.
As I'm leaving the party, I run into famed rapper/actor Ludacris. I tell him I'm in a rap band but he seems distracted and I'm like "Oh well, fuck it. It's just Ludacris."
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
my friend z behl just informed me of what gmail advertises on it sidelines when she tries to email me:
WHAT IS A PIXIE BOB?
Their FAQ is Under Construction, which I guess means questions don't get asked frequently enough. So I will ask again:
WHAT IS A PIXIE BOB?
EDIT: okay, I am pissed that wikipedia offered a very boring and obvious answer to my question (spolier alert: it's a type of cat), but it also offered this somewhat amusing photograph:
which will keep me unpissed for about fourteen more minutes. good job wikipedophilia.
twitter's taking over the world. on sunday night, after watching star trek, my homie james dewey and I decided it would be funny to get irie, watch sex and the city and live tweet about it while sitting in the same room. james and myself are comfortable enough with our sexuality to do things like that. we're also comfortable enough with the internet to do things like that. its not a big deal.
and so we did it...
JAMES - Okay here we go. Sunday night live tweeting watching "Sex and the City: The Movie" with @heems #sex #city11:40 PM May 17th from web
HIMA - @jamesdewey convinced me to co-live tweet watching sex n the city. No homo.11:41 PM May 17th from TwitterBerry
HIMA - He's already trying to tweet my real life jokes and claim them as his.11:42 PM May 17th from TwitterBerry
JAMES – Carrie says "year after year twenty something women come to new york city in search of the two L's: Labels and Love" @heems says "me too"11:43 PM May 17th from web
HIMA - Remember the episode when Charlotte got busy with the Hasid artist? Cray. No homo.11:43 PM May 17th from TwitterBerry
JAMES - Backstory: Samantha in LA with some actor who provides both sex AND love. Carrie and Big are engaged and apartment hunting.11:45 PM May 17th from web
HIMA - Mr. Bigs got mad guap. He copped this apt like he was a punchline in Fabo's new joint with The Dream - Throw it in the Bag11:48 PM May 17th from TwitterBerry
JAMES - Mr. Big has got MAD MONEY. Just copped a dope apartment for Carrie. "I got this." Small closet but they'll redo it! Manhattan penthouse!!!11:48 PM May 17th from web
JAMES - "New York Magazine says brooklyn is the new manhattan." "Whoever wrote that, lives in Brooklyn." ***fall back Brooklyn losers11:48 PM May 17th from web
HIMA - Wealthy manhattanites, Brooklyn bashing.11:49 PM May 17th from TwitterBerry
JAMES - Girls at Christie's auction. Sam throws up "fucking 50 thousand" for some shit but no dice. now doing makeup in bathroom - girl talk.11:50 PM May 17th from web
HIMA - Can't imagine myself ever being at an auction like Carrie and the girls. Minority count : 2 : Non-speaking Roles.11:51 PM May 17th from TwitterBerry
JAMES - @heems Who is your favorite Sex and the City girl? Who would give you both sex AND love.11:51 PM May 17th from web
HIMA - @jamesdewey maybe i'll have an answer to that by the end of the movie. Its a deep question.11:52 PM May 17th from TwitterBerry
HIMA - DVF product placement.11:54 PM May 17th from TwitterBerry
HIMA - Mario Cantone. Meh11:55 PM May 17th from TwitterBerry
JAMES - First gay character. His name is Anthony and he's a really fab wedding planner. He bugged cuz she wants to wear a wedding dress sans label11:57 PM May 17th from web
HIMA - Accidentally forgot to tweet No Homos on the last six tweets. No homo.11:58 PM May 17th from TwitterBerry
JAMES - @heems yeah Mario Cantone as Anthony unimpressive so far. Really flat and obvious performance.
HIMA - @jamesdewey I think stanford blacks a much deeper gay character11:59 PM May 17th from TwitterBerry
HIMA - Whattup Andre Leon Talley. LV briefcase looking tough. No homo.12:00 AM May 18th from TwitterBerry
HIMA - Vivienne Westwood, coming through with a kind ass gesture. No homo.12:01 AM May 18th from TwitterBerry
JAMES - Fashion shoot time... Carrie a natural. Bomb ass designer dresses. Real life vogue editors lamping on the couch. Samantha cries.12:01 AM May 18th from web
JAMES - @heems getting free clothes is awesome. this girl lives a charmed life.12:03 AM May 18th from web
HIMA - @JamesDewey yeah. I don't much care for her.12:05 AM May 18th from TwitterBerry
HIMA - @JamesDewey yo james, what do you think your wedding will be like? Where would you have it?12:06 AM May 18th from TwitterBerry
JAMES - @heems okay missed some shit cuz i was lending tshirt to a girl. fill me in. pause.12:06 AM May 18th from web
HIMA - Who's this small asian child? Oh, minority count at five now, including Andre. Also, Mirandas so mean! No homo.12:08 AM May 18th from TwitterBerry
JAMES - @heems Small church in English countryside where my parents get married. You're invited definitely. We'll body some Akash tandoori12:09 AM May 18th from web
JAMES Close up boner shot for dude who @heems says is twisting out Rosario Dawson. Are they still together? Sam getting it in for an old chick.12:11 AM May 18th from web
JAMES - SEX SCENE!!! Sam peeps. I definitely enjoy watching people having sex who don't know I'm watching IRL.12:12 AM May 18th from web
JAMES - Naked chick next to me on couch points out that "all romantic moments are marked by consumer lust." interesting... lock it up females.12:13 AM May 18th from web
HIMA - If this movie was about my life they'd be popping bottles of Andre and that closet space would have Jordans and that Yurple in it.12:14 AM May 18th from TwitterBerry
JAMES - Girls playing 'Take or Toss' game during requisite wardrobe montage. Charlotte "acting" like a black person.12:15 AM May 18th from web
HIMA - What is this 80s graffiti sweatshirt gold chain shades thing charlottes rocking in this montage. Racist.12:16 AM May 18th from TwitterBerry
JAMES - HERE WE GO: Topless asian girl drapped in baskets??? just walks out and everyone starts dancing. Zach says "this is what girls do? Maybe."12:16 AM May 18th from web
HIMA - These broads are mad old and not that attractive. No homo.12:17 AM May 18th from TwitterBerry
JAMES - Miranda just gets cheating bomb dropped on her. @heems have you ever cheated or been cheated on? props to dude for being honest- not easy.12:17 AM May 18th from web
JAMES - Charlotte getting it from some dude with alupicia (sp??). This is getting better.12:19 AM May 18th from web
JAMES - Not sure what Carrie and BIG are fighting about. @heems any ideas?12:21 AM May 18th from web
HIMA - @JamesDewey I zoned out for a minute. It looks like shit got really real for a second.12:22 AM May 18th from TwitterBerry
HIMA - Everyone clapped cuz someone yelled DICKWAD.12:23 AM May 18th from TwitterBerry
JAMES - Hot girl walks across screen but she's just an extra. total letdown.12:24 AM May 18th from web
JAMES - Naked girl on couch describes Miranda as "neurotic, unstable, irrational bitch." She's SUPPOSED to be the voice of reason. NAGL.12:25 AM May 18th from web
HIMA - Steve looks like my cousin Abhi. I agree with emily here in that Mirandas emotionally immature. No homo.12:26 AM May 18th from TwitterBerry
JAMES - NGOC (Naked Girl On Couch) giving me valuable insight on Miranda's character arch. What happened to this level headed, logical lawyer??12:26 AM May 18th from web
HIMA - Miranda telling BIG that "marriage ruins everything" is not a good look for her homegirl Carrie. No homo.12:27 AM May 18th from TwitterBerry
HIMA - This poor asian child!12:27 AM May 18th from TwitterBerry
HIMA - @JamesDewey asian girl is Charlottes adopted chinese daughter. Dumbass. No homo.12:29 AM May 18th from TwitterBerry
JAMES - Emily cosigns Vivievne Westwood dress.12:29 AM May 18th from web
HIMA - @jamesdewey Gonna take a break to body this bag of chips in your pantry. Plus shits about to get really real. He's got cold feet.12:32 AM May 18th from TwitterBerry
JAMES - Seems obvious that BIG is going to strand Carrie at alter. He's being REALLY childish. I'd just bite the bullet and have a shitty life.12:32 AM May 18th from web
HIMA - Carrie can't work an iphone? No homo.12:33 AM May 18th from TwitterBerry
HIMA - Who's busted ass flip phone did she jus drop? No homo.12:34 AM May 18th from TwitterBerry
HIMA - Her home girls are hella supportive. No homo.12:36 AM May 18th from TwitterBerry
JAMES - Damn really beautiful slow mo shot of carrie dropping a cell phone. Now she's going at BIG... flowers everywhere. Char has her back.12:36 AM May 18th from web
JAMES - @heems these girls roll deep. I hope my friends would do the same. Break time for a snickers bar.12:37 AM May 18th from web
HIMA - @jamesdewey we used to b like that12:37 AM May 18th from TwitterBerry
HIMA - Did Charlotte get her daughter an Asian cabbage patch doll? No homo.12:39 AM May 18th from TwitterBerry
HIMA - Sarah Jessica looks hella busted. No homo.12:41 AM May 18th from TwitterBerry
JAMES - Sarah Jessica looks hella busted.12:41 AM May 18th from web
JAMES - Making girl turn her honeymoon into a vacation was probably a mistake. she needs time to get over this.12:42 AM May 18th from web
HIMA - @jamesdewey I can't believe we watched this and tweeted so much about it. Feels hella mo. No phobo. Maybe i'll delete my tweets.12:44 AM May 18th from TwitterBerry
JAMES - Really sad scene where samantha spoon feeds weird infantile carrie.12:45 AM May 18th from web
HIMA - @jamesdewey Not a single boob in this movie so far? What the heck.12:48 AM May 18th from TwitterBerry
JAMES - Really gross shot of Miranda's wild ass bush not waxed. TBH i didn't realize how much work went into maintaining that area. props girls.12:49 AM May 18th from web
HIMA - They're talking about what love really is. What is love? Tell me what love means to y'all, y'all. No homo.12:50 AM May 18th from TwitterBerry
HIMA - Ewwww. Charlotte shat herself. No homo.12:52 AM May 18th from TwitterBerry
JAMES - Charlotte just shit herself in front of her friends. Hella embarrassing.12:52 AM May 18th from web
HIMA - Need to get hella more IRIE to finish watching this. Shootout to Jenny Hudson. She's a trooper.12:54 AM May 18th from TwitterBerry
JAMES - @heems HELLOOO Jennifer Hudson, applying to be Carrie's personal assistant. this is racist.12:55 AM May 18th from web
JAMES - "white guy with a baby. wherever he's going, that's where we need to be." -Miranda12:56 AM May 18th from web
HIMA - @JamesDewey gentrifications not cool.12:57 AM May 18th from TwitterBerry
JAMES - This movie made me realize that lots of people adopt kids and then get pregnant. human body mad mysterious. we have lots to learn.1:00 AM May 18th from web
HIMA - Carries so mean. She should try to understand where Big is coming from more. No homo.1:03 AM May 18th from TwitterBerry
HIMA - Carries complaining about her new 347 area code. Now there's totally BOOBS on the screen.1:08 AM May 18th from TwitterBerry
HIMA - Jennifer hudson's character is on some real "magical negro" tip.1:12 AM May 18th from TwitterBerry
JAMES - @heems yeah exactly. http://en.wikipedia.org/wik...1:13 AM May 18th from web
JAMES - This movie sucks. I'm going to stop watching it. Peace @heems tell me what happens to this racist spoiled white woman tomorrow.1:15 AM May 18th from web
HIMA - This movie is heck of offensive. @jamesdewey turn this shit off yo.1:16 AM May 18th from TwitterBerry
JAMES - "My very own LOUIS VATTON!!!????" - Jennifer Hudson1:16 AM May 18th from web
JAMES- Psych i'm still watching... Almost turned it off tho but now I'm thinking about what love means.1:20 AM May 18th from web
JAMES - emily pointed out that the harsh "fashion" lighting is doing these old white ladies no favors. soft light in the sequel plz.1:21 AM May 18th from web
JAMES - Two marginal gay characters appear to have fallen in love. J-Hud bout to twist out some dude. New Years Eve people are wilding.1:23 AM May 18th from web
JAMES - Humping dog best thing about this movie.1:24 AM May 18th from web
HIMA - Shoutout to Fashion week. No homo.1:25 AM May 18th from TwitterBerry
HIMA - Chanel Iman cameo FTW1:28 AM May 18th from TwitterBerry
JAMES - Shoutout Chanel Iman who i didn't know existed until just now.1:28 AM May 18th from web
HIMA - How long is this shite movie? Mad long.1:31 AM May 18th from TwitterBerry
JAMES - OK this needs to end. I'm ending it. Goodnight @heems. This was fun. Realized that love and labels is on everyones mind. not just mine.1:33 AM May 18th from web
HIMA - This movie sucks.1:33 AM May 18th from TwitterBerry
JAMES - disgusting naked samantha sushi scene a perfect place to stop.1:34 AM May 18th from web
JAMES - "i got wasabe in places where one should never get wasabe."1:35 AM May 18th from web
this coming sunday we'll be at it again. leave suggestions for the next movie we should live tweet in the comments. or tell us that this is dumb and you don't want to see it again. whatever dood.
Monday, May 18, 2009
yes sometimes the japanese invent something and we all go haha look how stupid that stupid thing is, why would i need an umbrella that is also a condom, what crazy kooks. but sometimes they invent something that makes you wonder: maybe they are going to win world war three?
or should i say, world war wii?
Peep this molesty movie trailer for some insipid "family film" with some freak fuck bear-like thing following around a little white kid. This piece of trash has apparently already passed through theaters like hot diarrhea through a dysentery-addled 3rd worlder and will be sold at Duane Reade for $1.99 in a few months. Fuck this country/Enjoy!
*Lars von Trier regarding motivation behind making his new movie Antichrist:"I never have a choice," von Trier said Monday. "It's the hand of God, I'm afraid." And," he added, "I am the best film director in the world."
If you've never seen von Trier's Riget, watch it. It's about this hospital where all this crazy shit happens and there's demons and ghosts and it's mad funny and creepy and awesome.
the girls i want my parents to arrange my marriage with post has been a popular one for us at gordon gartrelle. the internet, after all, was invented by a bored dude who wanted to look at pretty girls and boobs whenever he felt like it - al gore. the inaugural post of girls i want... featured a model by the name of Lakshmi Menon who was featured in Vogue India back in September of 2008.
this is the babe im talking about...
holy shit though. lakshmi menon is about to blow the f up. this month she was booked for a "lavish 12-page shoot" in Vogue - Vogue as in the American magazine, not Vogue India (who im still mad at for that burberry shoot with working class indians in poor villages rocking burberry clothing shot from far enough away to make the viewer feel like a tourist, etc. etc. if you're reading this, Vogue India - NOT A GOOD LOOK guys). but anyway, word, this is important because it sheds light on the fact that im very good at acknowledging foxes before Vogue US.
The independent ran a cool article about her that I recommend you read if your mad feminine like me (no homo), are fond of smokeshow indian babes like too many of my friends, or are a girl that likes fashion, I guess. Nah, I read it because it's academic:
"But her success raises one, deeply unsettling question: why is she the only South Asian model regularly strutting down the international catwalks?"
Black Web 2.0 covers website and application launches; culturally relevant Internet industry news; and mainstream Internet industry news from an African-American perspective. We also analyze emerging web trends and how they apply to web properties that target African-Americans or African-American culture.
gfn.com is the first Internet media company devoted to financial services whose sole business is to address and satisfy the unique financial and legal needs and concerns of the American LGBT community. Gfn.com’s landmark product takes the form of a web-based finance magazine that currently enjoys a wide circulation. With a singular focus, gfn.com has become the definitive source of financial information for the LGBT community.
Launched by Walter B. Schubert in 1998, a third generation and first openly gay member of the New York Stock Exchange, gfn.com has made impressive strides towards capturing this vastly underserved and lucrative niche market
This guy's a third generation gay dude? Not sure what that means. I'm not even sure why I find these sites so funny.
back in 07 aziz ansari was just getting famous. i was all like, who's this brown dude that blogs about indie rock, makes jokes about kanye west, and looks like he went to stuyvesant with me? one time i saw him at a diplo show at studio b, and i was like "hey, ever heard of hari kondabolu?" he didn't. that same summer i once tried to get backstage at the south street seaport shows by claiming ashok was aziz ansari - "are you kidding ? do you know who this guy is?" they didn't.
now he's all famous and buddies with kanye and has a show on nbc: parks and recreation. i've peeped it a couple times and it doesn't really work for me. most upsetting is the stellar cast but lackluster laughs! (maybe i just don't "get it.") but... amy poehler! rashida jones, who was previously highlighted in this same arranged marriage section! aziz! and aubrey plaza... !
(like amy poehler and aziz ansari and heck of other funny fools) Aubrey reps that UCB fam (holla!). Oh, UCB as in upright citizens brigade, not Uncalled for Band, the DC go-go legends that now tour with WALE. (anyone remember the darryl strawberry show joint i posted here by chris gethard [is that his real name? get hard?] from ucb? that was heck of funny: http://www.ucbcomedy.com/videos/play/1064 )
here are some jpgs of aubrey plaza:
here's aubrey plaza doing a sarah silverman impression for an SNL audition or something!
sometimes when im at work this at&t ad comes on and it has a really nice, sweet, sensitive love song that I then sing to myself all day long in this totally bro work environment. i feel real emotional feelings and then think, "when will i fall in love?!" and then i think "what is love?" and then i think "baby don't hurt me... don't hurt me..."
if my arranged marriage proposal works out, that song could be OUR song! Not the what is love song, the commercial song, by a guy named Landon Pigg:
DR was nominated for The Deli Magazine's artist of the month poll. It would be rad if we won. Also, if possible, I would like to win by a landslide. Vote: http://www.thedelimagazine.com/snacks.php
Ok cool bye,
Ok cool bye
twitter.com is so cool. everyone's totally joining it. its the new tech sensation, sweeping the nation. heck of fools join and then get bored and dont really get into it and then quit. mad fools join and get into it and then have conversations with friends in a public forum as if they were having conversations with friends very loudly in a public forum in real life. because i use up some of my witty, clever, funny thoughts on twitter, i can't use them in real life, which sucks. i also can't blog about them. or can i?
this weekend was my cousin priya's sweet 16 at akbar restaurant in long island. (where do sweet 16s come from? what demographics of people have them?)
akbar used to be right near roosevelt field mall. one time my friend james went there and saw lawrence taylor eating there. since then they moved to stuart avenue and now have 2 party halls in addition to the sweet ass restaurant. since my large indian family of 17 or so cousins plus aunts and uncles have been here in the 80s, we've been having all of our wedding functions, sweet 16s, anniversaries, etc. etc. at akbar. its an integral part of my life, really.
anyway, i live tweeted priya's sweet 16 because i was so bored since my cousins are lame and i wasnt getting REALLY drunk and i couldn't do any, like, klonopins or nothing.
here are my tweets plus some photos!!!
Watching little Indian kids running around, playing, at Akbar Restaurant. Feeling like I've become too "American." 8:05 PM May 16th from TwitterBerry
Will live tweet my cousin Priya's Sweet 16 from Akbar Restaurant in Long Island. 9:18 PM May 16th from TwitterBerry
No one here looks like they wear American Apparel. In fact, 90 percent of the women here are wearing Indian apparel. 9:19 PM May 16th
My cousins Rahul, Sahil, and Rohit were just called up to light a candle to the song Louis Rag by TI and Swizzy. I waved my dinner napkin. 9:32 PM May 16th from TwitterBerry
Kajra Re is still an enjoyable song. 9:33 PM May 16th from TwitterBerry
I was called up with my fam to light a candle. Priya said I'm always cracking jokes but I'm also always there to help her with life + school 9:39 PM May 16th from TwitterBerry
The song Desi Girl from the hit film Dostana may very well be enjoyable. 9:41 PM May 16th from TwitterBerry
Several friends were called up to the Friends theme song by The Rembrandts. The 2nd verse and bridge of this jawn are severely underrated. 9:49 PM May 16th from TwitterBerry
My cousin Puja is doing a dance performance to some "fusion" song that sounds like Bollywood and Lady Gaga,so "okay" and trash, respectively 10:03 PM May 16th from TwitterBerry
Three aunts have said I resemble the tragic hero of the film Devdas because of my beard. In that film, Devdas drinks himself to death. 10:16 PM May 16th from TwitterBerry
Two aunts have asked me when I'm going to get married. One aunt said I look like Randhir Kapoor - no idea who that is. 10:17 PM May 16th from TwitterBerry
Thinking about hitting the dance floor and gettin lite to this Bhangra. If you're unfamiliar, peep some youtubes of cats that "get lite" 10:26 PM May 16th from TwitterBerry
Punjabi cats put it down on the floor. We're no joke with bhangra. Johnny Walker Black Label bottles getting bodied by drunk uncles. 10:55 PM May 16th from TwitterBerry
3 Flo Rida songs in a row into Lady Gaga. As if the unoriginal name wasn't a giveaway, NEVER go with Bollywood DJs for ur Sweet 16 everyone. 11:41 PM May 16th from TwitterBerry
Triple auntie cheek assault. People are beginning to trickle out. Finna dip and head back to BK soon. Drinking scotch with my cousin Tarun. 11:51 PM May 16th from TwitterBerry
Holy Shit. My moms and hella ladies in saris doing the Macarena.... Finally, @souljaboytellem is on - wish this was cookies n applejuiceeee 11:59 PM May 16th from TwitterBerry
Thanks for following the live twittering fest tonight y'all. Priya had a great birthday. My cousin Neha's Sweet 16 is next month. Til then! 12:09 AM May 17th from TwitterBerry
***Also, my friend James and I watched Sex and the City: The Movie last night and live-tweeted our thoughts on the film for way too long. So... I'll put that up soon enough.
Also, if you haven't seen it, this: http://www.delawareonline.com/assets/pdf/BL133941430.PDF