BOOBTUBE: RIP DIO

to celebrate youtube's 5th birfday, the laser's 50th birfday, and ronnie james dio's 1st deathday, here's something that combines all three:

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BOOBTUBE: NAME THAT CELEBRITY DRUG

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A VISIT FROM AUNT BOOB: THE PARIS KENTUCKY PEACE ACCORDS

speaking of transcendent, here is an actual video of Henry Kissinger doing the weather on some morning schlock show on CBS. Unequivocally bizarre.

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THE B(R)E(A)ST OF BOOBTUBE IN 2(o)(o)9

okay so I guess us Gordheads are doing our oblogatory (i get extra points for that one) year-end best-of lists, because if we don't, then we'll be immediately ejected out of the blogosphere, and sent into the greater internet void that lies beyond (the farmville-osphere). So I now submit for the approval of the Permanent Midnight Society:

The 2009 Gordies for The Top Best Internet Youtubes of the Year of 2009, in IMAX 3D

(note: it's irrelevant whether the youtubes were produced or released in 2009 – it's that they were thrown up on GG this year. We outlive time, yo.)

• Best Youtube I Just Posted:
David Byrne Interviews David Byrne

Runner Up: Cecco Beppe (the thing with the futurist scratch-n-sniff cat)


• Best Youtube I Posted That Still Has An Absurdly Low View Count:
Dagsrevyen (description: "Music video, it is a murder ballad")

Runner Up: Eggroll on NY Public Access, 1987. Also James Brown's Japanese Miso Soup commercial.


• Best Music Video Only On Youtube:
Glitter Grit by Sharkula

Runner Up: The Passenger by a bunch of Dutch preteen girls


• Best Youtube I Posted That Someone Already Posted:
the She's Gone video by Hall n'f'n Oates [originally upped by heemz]

Runner Up: Hah! I only did this once! So far.


• Best Youtube I Totally Forgot to Post:
Andrew WK does the local weather

Runner Up: Robocop steals a Korean family's "fried chicken"


• Best Youtube Someone Else on GG Posted:
Floating Dog [via dap]

Runner Up: Highlights from Wildwood, NJ [VIA DAP AGAIN]


• Best Youtube Posted First on Everything Is Terrible:
Cat Massage

Runner Up: Don't Talk to Strangers singalong 4 kidz!


• Still the Best Youtube of All Time:
Toby y Sheila (the beagle and the duck)

Runner Up: Let's Paint, Exercise, & Blend Drinks! all at once.


And in the technical categories:
• Best Interview (between two different people):
Dallas Penn and the Tron Guy on the Tron Economy.

• Best Concert Ever:
James Brown, Michael Jackson, and Prince

• Best Music Video (that was somehow released somewhere other than youtube):
Don't Cry by Guns n' Roses.

• Best Training Video:
REMEMBER SMENS for cops.

• Best Youtube Under 20 seconds:
TIE BETWEEN Arnold and Verhooven's DVD Commentary AND Four Seconds in the Life of Jordan Fish


That's it! Thanks for tuning in.

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BOOBTUBE: MILKERTAINMENT

i sorta promised myself i wouldn't post any more of everythingisterrible's findings becuase they're too good at what they do for me to try and claim it as my own finding, but this shit too is fucking ridic to not blast further into tubespace:



UPDATE: while i'm at, they also just posted this, which is definitely another heavyweight contender for most ridic shit ever:

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BOOBTUBE: OH SNAP

now it's definite that people our age are in charge.

UPDATE: THAT'S NOT THE VIDEO I MEANT TO EMBED BUT IT'S GOOD SO I'LL LEAVE IT THERE AIIIGHT? HERE'S THE SNAP:



i'll say it again: now it's definite that people our age are in charge.

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BOOBTUBE: BEST INTERNET FILM SINCE THE LAST THING I PUT UP

this is truly wonderful.



also check out this youtuber's other masterpiece.

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BOOBTUBE: BYRNE BABY BYRNE

so I really can't tell how many people have seen this, because it varies between either "um, no one" or "EVERYONE DUH" when i'm in different circles, so I'm just gunna put it up here, because of course everyone i ever talk to reads this blawg.

anyway, it's David Byrne Interviews David Byrne, made as an epilogue for Stop Making Sense. It's one of the best short films I've ever seen, and also has some of the best interview questions and interview answers of any interview I've seen. Also acting. And costumes. And set design. I'm not kidding.

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BOOBTUBE: THE O"BLOG"ATORY PSA POST

okay yeah i know sharing funny PSAs on the internet is older than youtube itself, but i just happened upon three pretty amazing ones in a row, and thought all 6 of our readers [=writers] would enjoy them.

first hanna barbera constructs an anti-drug psa that would be very enjoyable while high:


next Pee-Wee Herman begs to get sampled by talking about crack:


And finally: R2D2 smokes!


here's another star wars psa, where one alien at the cantina doesn't let his alien friend fly home drunk. it's not very good or funny.

oh shit, here's another one with the Ninja Turtles, and it's also shitty but it does feature Michaelangelo suggesting that if you're offered pot, the proper response is to get a pizza.

Who are the ad wizards that decided the best people to tell kids not use drugs are characters that would not exist if it weren't for their getting being extremely baked?

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A VISIT FROM AUNT BOOB: EVERY INTERVIEW IS TERRIBLE

At first glance it may seem like that Everything Is Terrible is just another ever-flowing font of amusing videos centered on people embarrassing themselves and/or culture as a whole, much like America's Funniest Home Videos, or COPS, or just all of YouTube. At second glance, they are still definitely that, but it becomes obvious that the worker bees behind EIT mine deeper into the depths (and I mean depths) of human culture than any other entity, digging up the rarest and most precious nuggets of cultural indignity, then laying those nuggets on that huge conveyor belt of divertissement that is the internet, which points directly at our eyes and ears and gaping maws, which swallow up EIT's video gems as they come pouring off the line (that metaphor was a trainwreck [new band name]).

i've posted EIT's shit before, and so has hima (glorious scarves!!), but I can't tell you how many mass-emails-with-just-a-youtube-link-and-a-subject-line-like-"Holy Fuck" i've composed with their stuff, to the point where every single video i was showing off to friends (you know, at parties and stuff) was one of theirs, kinda like the guy who goes around proudly telling jokes directly ganked from Jeff Foxworthy (you know, at parties and stuff). i even directly stole a bunch of their found footage and put it in a youtubey video of my own, which is a technique me and my friend Quentin like to call an homage.

the EIT youtube account was deleted a little bit ago (thas a bonafide merit badge in my book) so a lot of their original hilarities have been removed from the series of tubes, but here are a couple surviving examples of those nuggets I was blathering on about before. Open wide:




a DVD chock full of this delicious crap can be bartered for here

Okay, this post is about to get a lot longer, because everything thus far has been an introduction for YET ANOTHER XXXCITING XXXCLUSIVE GORDON GARTRELLE INTERVIEW XXXXTRAVAGONZO!!! This time we interview not one, not two, but A BUNCH of people all at once, because there's no way to interview an internet entity without interviewing each of the internetters it entails (dr. seuss helped me with that line). Here are the names of the dudes (and dudettes?) who make up Everything Is Terrible, or at least those that were willing to deal with the inane time-wasters I call questions:

• Ghoul Skool
  
• Lehr (the Intern) Thing
  
• Future Schlock
  
• Defenestrator III: On Broken Glass
  
• Airwave Ranger
  
• Yonder Vittles
  
• Commodore Gilgamesh

These colors will be preserved throughout the interview (another idea I stole directly from these guys when they sent their questions back. but I'm pretty sure they stole it from gmail, so, steal it forward)

[NOTE THIS IS JUST A PORTION OF THE INTERVIEW. i asked way too many questions, and most of them were pretty shitty, but for the most part ALL SEVEN of these dude(tte)s put in their pennies for each query. so to not make this a true scrollfest, I'm posting one or two answers for each question, BUT THE COMPLETE INTERVIEW CAN BE FOUND IF YOU CLICK 'READ MORE' WHICH IS A BASIC BLOG FUNCTION THAT WE HERE AT GORDGART HAVE JUST FIGURED OUT HOW TO USE FOR THE FIRST TIME. THANK YOU GOOGLE SEARCH]

have you ever walked out on a movie in the theaters? have you ever been in a movie where someone did that? what's up with that? my dad walked out on Pi, and I thought it was so funny that I couldn't stop laughing while the dude was drilling into his own frontal lobe. sorry, spoiler alert.

Ghoul Skool: BASKETBall, Tomb Raider, and Pi where I left my family and never looked.... Son? My only son! My, how you've disappointed me.

Airwave Ranger: For my dads birthday we went to Police Academy IV but some skateboard punks caused a riot in the mall and there was a full speed chase through our theater. The cops made us leave for "our safety."

Yonder Vittles: I walked out of A Bee's Life after the Jerry Seinfeld bee went to the closet to choose another sweater.

what's some shit they put in ice cream that they should not be putting in ice cream?

GS: Ever since Rape flavor was introduced in the late 90's, I've become pretty disillusioned to iced cream in general. I know the word 'rape' isn't a bad word, but god dammit- sometimes i think it should be.

LTI: Any shit at all would be pretty gross I'd think.

AR: Ben and Jerrys Thanksgiving Dinner was a bit much.

what's the largest vehicle you have operated? if your answer is minivan or smaller, skip this question.

LTI: A small maxivan.

what's the awesomest thing you've deep-fried? we're all expecting you to say some sort of candy, so you're really gunna have to wow us here.

DIII: A smaller deep fryer.

YV: Some sort of candy.

CG: so many things. i worked at mcdonald's for almost a year. here are a few: every type of condiment packet, whole eggs, a hat, a shirt, a shoe, a turd, a ball of fur (i think), ummm... i'm sure there were more. we deep fried so many things, like everyday. dangit, i wish i could remember. i'll get back to you.

did you hold off on having your first kiss with someone cause you didn't think it was special enough? i was going to ask this about losing your virginity, but no one cares about that.

DIII: I'm still saving my first kiss until Jesus tells me it's safe.

YV: Never came up.

CG: that is what i told/tell people. actually, i'm just terrified of being a creep, so i never touched/touch ladies until they force me to. it has worked out really nicely. seriously.

have you ever been in any physical fights? if so, describe at least one.

GS: I once got into a brawl with Commodore after a night of dancing and drinking to new wave music. The next day he went to the doctor and it turned out I punched him so hard he got pluracy (true tale!). That taught him never to mess with Big Daddy ever again. Since then, Mr. Gilgamesh ran off to the outskirts of town and he won't be bothering you decent folks anymore. But I'm no hero... or am I? Yes.

LTI: Yes. I was at this beach with my girlfriend and I really wanted to impress her so I kicked sand in this puny nerd's face. My girlfriend and I laughed so much at him. But then like 90 days later, I see this kid at the beach again and he's all buff and junk. He punches ME in the face and walks away with MY girlfriend. It totally sucked.

DIII: No, because I've always got my gun.

so do you guys just ride around in a minivan (or larger vehicle of choice) going to every thrift shop and garage sale, picking up every VHS you can get your hands on? Or do you make the interns do that?

GS: Hey, Turkey! Where do you get your information? First off, we begin each VHS odyssey (or Pussy Hunt, as we call it) by putting on tuxedos, washing our helmets, and of course, praying. We then hop into our custom built Power Wheels built by Commodore's subsidiary company, Big Boy Toyz- and raise hell all over town. After a long day of accosting meek gas station attendants, we eventually get restless and begin to raid suburban garages for goodies. The magic you see is a result of those great times we call 'weekdays!'

Same question goes for watching all those damn movies.

FS: Nope, we watch 'em all, sometimes on fast forward for the action movies. I am working on being able to screen two movies at once, at which time I will graduate to a level 6 video master.

AR: EIT is just a collection of Youtube clips right?

in wikipedia's description of the great 19th century Italian poet Giacomo Leopardi, they say "Everything is terrible and grand in his poems, which are the most agonizing cry in modern literature, uttered with a solemn quietness that at once elevates and terrifies us.^{[citation needed]}" Is this awkwardly poetic wikipedia line your namesake? Does Leopardi have a big influence on your work? Does Wikipedia?

DIII: You lost me at Italian poet.

AR: I admit it, huge fan. More people should read him. He's like a young Bukowski, only Italian.

I can't figure out where you are. Chicago?

AR: Why we've been right here in your heart the whole time.

If so, do you feel your work comes out of the oddly expansive Found Art culture that exists there? If you're not in chitown, are you influenced by the Found scene wherever you are?

DIII: There's not much of a found scene. It seems to be mostly small groups working independently from each other. However we all meet up once a year for Found Con which takes place inside the Detroit Auto Show.

YV: My work comes out of the oddly expansive sewer of popular culture - it just so happens that a major vein of well-preserved turds from this sewer runs through Chicago.

what's the single best place to get great videos?

GS: Nice try, dicknose!

LTI: Blockbuster Video.

YV: Your dad's house.

AR: Get your own schtick.

what's the single best place to get great weed?

LTI: Blockbuster Video.

YV: Your dad's house.

DIII: Shit, man, I was hoping you would know somebody.

what's the strangest place you've made love?

LTI: Blockbuster Video.

YV: Your dad's house.

DIII: The internet.

who is the only president who owned a patent?

DIII: William Howard Taft got stuck in a bathtub.

YV: Sorry to correct you, but there are actually eight. William Henry Harrison, Ulysses S. Grant, Rutherford B. Hayes, James A. Garfield, Benjamin Harrison, William McKinley, William Howard Taft, and Warren G. Harding.

name five states with the same first letter as their capitals.

LTI: Fuck that.

DIII: That's not even a question.

AR: BOOOOORING

YV: Really.

CG: i can't think of any.

WHO IS THE GREATEST ACTOR OF OUR GENERATION?

GS: Anyone who starred in Boxer's Omen, or Slipstream.

YV: Rhonda Shear.

CG: i like the coreys a lot.

have you hooked up with him/her?

GS: Come on, dude. That's not funny.

FS: Our sect is celibate.

AR: Weak ending.


ZING! Now, I know you don't have a job, so go ahead and read the full thing:

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BOOBTUBE: TRON ECONOMY / SEXY PRETEENS / MCCARTNEY ETC

today i bring you a lawless boobtube post, where no rules dictate the triad of videos to come except for the rule that there are no rules to be ruled by.

First is a vid by gordgart favorite (and interviewee) Dallas Penn, himself interviewing Tron Guy on, what else, the lawlessly failing economy:



Next is a clearly-90s video showing off the Chippendiddys, a group of probably-11-year-olds lawlessly dressed and dancing like everyone's favorite male strippers:



And finally, an old favorite, Paul McCartney's 'Coming Up' from the unequivocally lawless 1980 album McCartney II (i blawgged about another track before). This vid features Sir Paul a dozen times over, playing many of rock history's most lawless characters, including Roy Orbison Hank Marvin, Keith Moon Ginger Baker, Ron Mael, and even an early-Beatles version of himself:



CAN YOU NAME THE REST?

this post has been brought to you by the kind heart of lucy lawless.

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BOOBTUBE: KINSKI, LOU REED, IGGY POP ALL MAKE MOCKERIES OF THEMSELVES

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BOOBTUBE: LEMMY NEEDS A FRIEND

so i was missing my good buddy Jeff Deeeeliter (whose aesthetic piques can be found at http://leftinthedesert.blogspot.com/) so i got my other good buddy Lemmy Kilmister (real [last] name) of Motörhead (the War Göds of Röck n Röll) to record a special tune for me for Jeff. Thought I'd post it here so yall can send it to a friend you miss but dont wanna PAUSE about.

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BOOBTUBE: REMEMBER SMENS

Neutralized!

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BOOBTUBE: KIDS DANCE THE DARNDEST THINGS

was this on gg already? if so, here's some other other shit of kids dancing, this time to some serious jansport-style backpack rap:

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BOOBTUBE: SHITTY RAP, MADONNA FRONTIN

everythingisterrible.com has compiled an excellent digest of early 90s rap, with some early nerdcore, tweencore, MF Doom maskology, and one seriously wack-ass Madonna:


Seriously Some Early 90s Rap Blows Dude

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BOOBTUBE: THE PERFECT MUSIC VIDEO

we all know this song is perfect, but have you ever witnessed its visual accompaniment, which exhibits perfection to a fucking biblical level?

Hall & Oates - She's Gone (video)

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BOOBTUBE: HARDCORE COVERS THAT ARENT PURE SHIT

maybe it's just because the original songs are so good, but i find these to be very listenable.



this one also has the most byootiful vhs editing/distortion/glitchery:

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BOOBTUBE: IT'S RAINING CATS AND RUSSIANS

as a companion to dap's floating dog sighting, i bring you this shit:



unfortunately it does not feature exactly what you want to see, an on-body camera of this deranged (zooted?) man free-falling with his fucking feline, but you do get to see the cat realize his plummeting fate at the last second, and struggle to no avail to avoid the impending terror that lies directly below him.

found on FUCKYOUCAT.COM

ps. i believe this video holds the Best Youtube Title crown right now. it's so good i want to see a major hollywood named the exact thing, letter-for-capital-or-lowercase-letter.

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BOOBTUBE: A SERIES OF TUBES

No rhymin or reasonin, just a brief look into my recent youtubery:


GJ = the truth.


Tears of a Clown.


Reminds me of Mega Men X, specifically the parts where I was on speed.


AKA Fuck you, Bob Dylan.


New York, I Love You, But You're Turning Me On.

SUPERLONG EXTRA BONUS UPDATE:
My buddy AZ who tipped me of the Grace Jones jaunt also pointed my wagging disco dick to this collection of every grace jones song ever recorded, with all the amazing cover art included, the best (ie majority) of which I will spill here:

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