\\\not a dream, true story

So I went out last night to see IN who I'm finna manage now, along with the Castles. I was out pretty late - about 5 AM or so. Like any night/morning, I thought it would be a good idea to grab a bacon egg and cheese. Actually, I knew I wanted a sandwich but the man behind the counter asked if I wanted a bacon egg and cheese - and I did - because people in the business of food service often know me better than I know myself. So I place a 1$ Mucho Mango on the counter, ask for a pack of Marlboro Milds, and go smoke one outside as I wait for my sammy and to pay. I ask if its okay for me to go outside before I pay and the man behind the counter makes some smug comment about how its no concern to him because he knows that I know that it's in my best interest to not do so. I'm like, yeah whatever man. Right then 2 drunk 19-20 year olds walk in and one of them touches my Mucho Mango. I noticed this much. The man behind the counter said something - I imagine "that's not yours". For a minute, these dudes fall off my radar as I sign to get my bacon egg and cheese, cigarettes, and $1 Arizona Iced Tea corp beverage. Before I'm out the door I have fresh bacon in my mouthpiece. Before I walk the one block to my apartment building, I'm 3/4 done with my 1/2 of a bacon egg and cheese. Before I knew it, these 2 dudes are lunging at me out of no where. They both start doing what I imagine was an attempt to "pound" on me but their punches weren't anything impressive. The only thing I could say was "I don't even got anything." I hit one of them and he falls to the ground. Immediately the both of them run away as I yell "you fuckin pussies!" at them real loud. As I try to gather my belongings - bacon egg and cheese and mucho mango - I realize something was missing. THOSE DUDES JUMPED ME FOR MY 1$ MUCHO MANGO ARIZONA ICED TEA. Also, during the scuffle I managed to get hot, melted, eggcheese all over my white collared shirt. The same collared shirt that prompted an attractive woman to call me "college boy" earlier that night - now a waste. I totally would have bought these losers their own Mucho Mangos if they asked. BUT THEY DIDNT. INSTEAD THEY JUMPED ME.