Saturday, May 23, 2009

A VISIT FROM DAP: Craigslist Rants

Here's a few good recent rants from the craigslist NYC Rants & Raves section:

Some Russian (?) pussy backed down from me tonight. Ha ha ha! (At the Q17 bus stop near the 7 station)

I was patiently waiting in line to board the Q17 when a really trashy looking - totally Eurotrash - woman deliberately butted in front of a couple of other people to get on the bus faster. Some asshole guy was with her. he looked Russian, of those eurotrash countries that hasn't produced anything of value for generations. So I walked up to them and said, "Alright. If you assholes are so fucking desperate to plant your worthless asses on the bus, so be it. I will be a MAN and get out of line so that you shit can get on faster." Then I looked at the guy and said: "The seat is yours pussy." It took awhile for his pee brain to recognize that he had been insulted. That's the funny part. And he kept acting tough with his eurotrash whore. But he never set one foot toward me. He kept looking at me and I NEVER averted my gaze. Indeed, I was ready for him to come toward me. Truth be told: I'd have MESSED HIM UP. I'm 5'10" and 190 and he was about 5'7", maybe 160. I'd have MESSED that EUROTRASH MUTHERFUCKER FUCKER UP so bad. ha ha ha! He kept looking bac at me but never fucking moved! What a PUSSY! And the whore kept grabbing him by his jacket and pulling him so that he wouldn't look at me. The PUSSY never took a step t oward me. Fucking EUROTRASH. Your lives are worthless. What's so important about you getting on the bus faster than Asians or other folks? PUSSY! I called you a PUSSY to your face.

Hey Mexican Guy

The teacher told Pepito to use the following words in a sentence:

1. Cheese
'Maria likes me, but cheese fat.'

2. Mushroom
When all of my family get in the car, there's not mushroom.

3. Shoulder
My fren wanted to become a citizen but she didn't know how to read so I shoulder.

4. Texas
My fren always Texas me when I'm not home wondering where I'm at!

5. Herpes
Me and my fren ordered pizza. I got my piece and she got herpes.

6. July
Ju told me ju were going to that store and July to me! 'Julyer!'

7. Rectum
I had 2 cars but my wife rectum!

8. Juarez
One day my gramma slapped me and I said, ' Juarez your problem?'

9. Chicken
I was going to go to the store with my wife but chicken go herself.

10. Wheelchair
We only have one enchalada left, but don't worry, wheelchair.

11. Chicken wing
My wife plays the lottery so chicken wing.

12. Harassment
My wife caught me in bed with another women and I told her, honey,
harassment nothing to me.

13. Bishop
My wife fell down the stairs, so I had to pick the bishop.

14. Body wash
I want to go to the club but no body wash my kids.

15. Green Pink Yellow
When the phone green, I pink it up, and say, 'Yellow?'

Save the's the only planet with Chocolate!!! is a GAY CHINESE PERVERT! (SoHo)

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