Thursday, April 30, 2009

Visitation RIghts for CF Edley: to soothe the childrens' swine

So I was thinking about doing a Keak da Freak post, but then decided that was overstepping. Somehow. Or maybe a post about how wire seasons 3 and 4 argue for the incarceration of black males aged 13-30. But then I decided to just put up some good Junior Murvin and whatever else I found good for the weekend. You all know Junior Murvin. He's like the the blues to the Clash's Elvis.

Hey Hima and Dap and Kate, it's crazy how when our band The Splash covers this track everyone thinks I wrote it cuz I got that stolen mensa card on my walletchain:

Sorry, but fuck The Clash. That's the only thing I've said all week without trying to up my social clout.

Really really this track:

This tack too:

Oh, and the swine story:
After graduating highschool without my diploma signed I packed my bags and moved to the U.S. colony of St. Croix. Fastest non-socio-economic discovery was if someone asks for a paper and you try to give them anything other than a Big Bambu... you get made fun of. Also the dude named Soundboy hollers from the shanty "Eh! Bring me fahk!" and his kid hollers "Fahk?!" and he hollers "A fahk! Fi eat wif!" and his kid hollers "O! Fahk fi eat wif." Back to the story: So this Bobo dread (like Sizzla, believes that a dude in Jamaica named Emmanuel is the second coming of Jesse and part of a holy trinity with Ras Tafari as God, Garvey as Prophet, and Emmanuel aka Dada as the Son) named Esau who spends much of his day picking canep from public trees and selling them to tourists and locals at differnt prices was riding in my Nissan Green and saked me for paper. So I hand him a Big Bambu and he starts tearing the gum off it and I ask why? cuz the dude clearly brushes his teeth with licorice and I don't feel like smoking h is slobberspliff. And he tells me very matter-o-fact that the gum on the papers is made of pig semen. And I'm quiet for a second, gears turning, then say no way man that's impossible. And he says no, truth, them white men spend the day rubbing the swine fi put gum pon dis so you and I smoke it up like bombaclat. I try and explain that that is inefficient and expensive and whatever and that they have better things to do than... but by that time he's lit the slobberspliff and we're at his friend's house. And his friend agrees with him.

Stop rubbing swine, please. For Esau's sake.

A VISIT FROM DAP: Bacon is the new fitted hat

I just got swine flu from this ANIIIMAAAAL

"Vice president Joe Biden says to stay off subways, airplanes, stoking swine flu pandemic fears"

*SHAWN BRAUCH, the former head of Pen & Pixel Studios, has agreed to do an exclusive interview for us, even after I called him 'greasy' in my last post. Expect that soon.

A VISIT FROM DAP: Pen & Pixel

You remember all those super-shiny dirty south album covers from the late 1990s? I never knew they all came from the same graphic design company, Pen & Pixel:

Classy motto! For those of you you who don't know what I'm talking about here's a smattering of classics plus a few new ones from the website, get familiar (**SIREN SOUNDZ**).

WOW

If you're piqued, watch this video of some British dude interviewing the greasy white guy who runs the place. It features a listing of former clientele who are now incarcerated (a long list) and an awkward interaction between Louis Theroux (British dude) and some guy whose crappy album is being designed.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Visitation Rights for CF Edley: Dast xosh!

Tal sent me some music video from the Congo of girls dancing more sex than even dancehall, so today I was watching some of those and came across the amazing world of Kurdish overdubs and Kurdish music videos. In order of appearance:

not at all racist of anything, huh!

And who's that lady?

again, not racist.

seriously not.

Now for the homegrown stuff:
There's nothing about this I don't like.

Hogir Kerim

Can somebody please play Kevin Bacon on this shit?

A VISIT FROM DAP: Jager Behavior

This is pretty funny. The guy who made it is the white one, he kinda seems like a BIM from his wesbite but this shit is strange enough to not annoy me.

A visit from Kate

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A visit from Kate

http://www.burgerbusiness.com/

This is a whole website devoted to the ins and outs and developments in the burger industry, with related fast food news as well. Have a look around! There are posts with names like"Burgerville Expands its Exploration of Burger-Chain Menu Limits" which I can't even understand, and links to other hamburger blogs. I tried to check out Hotel burger News but their website (hotelburgers.com) is down. Did you know Applebee's was getting serious with its "Realburger" campaign?

Ever since I heard thug handles I've associated Hima with cheeseburgers. I don't know whether or not he's actually all that into them in a literal sense, but in my head he got automatic friend points. This is maybe related to the fact that at some point in the past year I figured out that animals dressed as sandwiches will probably always be my favorite joke forever.

Also pigs are deadly. This is how it happens.

\\\mayer hawthorne - just aint gonna work out (official video)

i posted this song some time ago. the video came out yesterday:

Monday, April 27, 2009

\\\book shit: in hanuman's hands by cheeni rao

in "unaccustomed earth" jhumpa lahiri wrote a story about an alcoholic cornell student (ugh) and the relationship he has with his family. while many claim that the story, only goodness, nails the despair of a family who has to cope with alcoholic relatives it kind of ignores the alcoholic character himself. in fact, anything about him reads like one huge cliche on the hopeless romantic-type drunk. moreover, i read that shit and felt like the alcoholic didn't even have a problem. the kid was soft. i know some alcoholics. that dood was nothing special.

i wonder if lahiri's ever even met a real wilder. this dude was a REAL wilder:

i mean. the cover is a wind-up hanuman toy running around a table full of pills.

shieeeet!

"Of Indian origin, Rao ingeniously draws on Hindu mythology as well as his encounters with racism in America to add two powerful dimensions to an otherwise ordinary autobiographical tale of a troubled kid who falls prey to drugs and crime."

"All this happens because a young Rao, hemmed in by his parents' stern Hindu values and his white American peers' refusal to accept him, predictably bursts. Fleeing the Chicago suburbs for an unnamed liberal arts college in New England, Rao becomes a user and then a dealer of marijuana, psilocybin mushrooms, LSD, cocaine and heroin." - Sun Times

"Drug use/addiction/dealing is rarely ever due to such a simple answer as a desire to rebel or because our lives are “too perfect.” I address this in the book, but a short answer for you is that involvement in the drug world is often a symptom of deeper problems, whether they be confusion of identity, difficulties assimilating, problems coping with the diverse expectations of their parent’s culture vs american culture, etc. I have known many young Indians who have created one face for family and others for the outside world– understand why, and you are one step closer to understanding why addiction is on the rise in this generation." - the author responding to some idiot on a blog.

THANKS FOR WRITING MY DIASPORA DRUG BOOK, ASSHOLE.

I WILL BUY A COPY SOON AND READ IT.

I'M SORRY FOR YELLING.

do you think he went to bard?

(a little bit of digging reveals it was williams.)

here's a passage i found on the nets:

"So, rather than waste my time going to classes ... I spent most of my time getting high and playing poker. I would walk in on the days of the tests for my premed classes, scribble my answers down as fast as possible, then race out to find something better to do with my time. I was also taking a poetry-writing class, but I'd been writing for a long time before I came to college as a way of dealing with my internal chaos, and so though the poems I created were sorry jumbles of cliche, they at least showed an understanding of basic poetic forms. The instructor was perpetually grumpy, either pissed that getting tenure didn't excuse him from having to teach poetry to a bunch of hacks, or that people only recognized him as the weirdo who had somehow gotten a poem with the last lines 'Put down your flamethrower, honey / you know I always loved you' into the Norton anthology. Since a couple of the students felt it was a class requirement that they talk more than the professor, even if it was only a monologue about the secret meaning of the poem they had scribbled before class, I soon stopped going to that class too."

\\\art shit

It's been months since I put any brown art up on the bloggu. Here's some stuff brown doodz and broadz made for ppl to look at. click for larger, dum dum.

Samaraendra Raj Singh - "Indian Idol", 2008, 152.4 x 305 cm, oil/acrylic/foil on canvas
Subodh Gupta - Untitled, 2003, 44 x 90, oil on canvas

Pushpamala N - The Native Types - Circus, 2004, 20x24, type c-print on metallic paper

Ranbir Kaleka - Man Threading a Needle, 1999, 23.5 x 35.5, video projection on painting, 6 minute video loop

Rashid Rana - Ommatidia III (Shah Rukh Khan), 2004, 30 x 31, digital print

Bari Kumar - Descent, 2007, 60 x 72, oil on canvas

Bari Kumar - Salve, 2007, 72 x 108, oil on canvas

Jitish Kallat: Lie of the Land, 2002, 48 x 96, mixed media on canvas

Jitish Kallat: Italics (War Dance), 2002, 90 x 60, mixed media on canvas

Friday, April 24, 2009

\\\yoga alert: 83 yr. old lady does crazy yoga shit

"Mrs Calman teaches up to 11 classes a week with no sign of stopping and she keeps the 'corpse' posture strictly for her classes."

Somebody make a joke involving her age and the corpse posture for me please. My head hurts.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/worldnews/article-1172810/The-yoga-supergran-bend-backwards-age-83.html

\\\arranged marriage: archie panjabi

where do i begin? let me copy and paste an internet conversation I had with my homegirl riffo:

me: u know what, i think that movie with heather graham, the guru, is actually dope as shit

Sarah: really?? i doubt that

me: nah its about an indian guy that wants to act and then ends up pretending to be a guru making money off of rich whites who exotify him, but all hes doing is stealing ideas on sexuality from a porn star and flipping them off as spirituality

Sarah: ohh that one, i was thinking of that mike meyers shit that looked awful

the guru was ehh

that guy was in east is east

whatever that movie was with archie punjabi

(best name ever)

me: WHOS ARCHIE PUNJABI?

Sarah: look her up

me: oh my god, archie panjabi is a stone cold fox

holy shit, gonna post on her on the blog

I'd love to have an arranged marriage with Archie Panjabi. Her name is Archie Panjabi! Best name ever is correct! These are some of the movies Archie Panjabi has been in:

East is East, Bend It Like Beckham, a tv version of White Teeth, Arranged Marriage, The Constant Gardener, A Mighty Heart

Archie Panjabi Picture

Now I kind of want an arranged marriage with Irfan Khan instead.

Pause.

\\\underrated in the game like my name wood harris

If you ask me, Wood Harris is like the Mark Ruffalo of black actors. (Fun Fact: I thought his name was ACE WOODS and originally googled that). A lot of people prefer the triumvirate of Mekhi Phifer, Tay Diggs, and Omar Epps in the black actor game - not this guy.

I believe I first came across dude in Paid In Full, a severely underrated urban film about drug dealers in Harlem in the 80's (aka my favorite shit). I probably first came across him in 1998 when he played "Shadow" in an episode of New York Undercover (aka my favorite shit). In 1997 Wood played Cafe 24 Busboy in As Good as It Gets. That same year he played "Tony" on "Cosby" the terrible post-The-Cosby-Show show featuring Doug E. Doug (aka what a joke).

You probably know Wood as Avon Barksdale from The Wire.

Here are some images of Wood Harris:

haha:

*** Steve reminded me that Wood was also the black linebacker in when we were titans and played jimi in the jimi hendrix made for tv movie.

*** Kate (of a visit from Kate fame) corrected me - it was called Remember The Titans and it was great.

***jdsehring: oh shit, some other info re: wood harris, he has a really good cameo with amy poehler in that The Rock and Sean William Scott Movie, Southland Tales, most of the movie doesn't make sense and its all over the place, but he made me laugh in it, showing that he has range.

\\\popo, the band that sings kill tonight, will kill tonight at public assembly

not only will awesome popo play

but the homies quinn and gordon voidwell

will be on the 1's and 2's

(probably ipods though)

related post on gordon gartrelle

ALSO:

fawzia: are you gonna punch popo, you should ///
steve: you should kick popo off stage like krs one did pm dawn ///
ryderflemingjones: you should let popo punch you in the face ///
ashok: let's just pretend to be popo after they play ///

ALL OF THESE THINGS WILL HAPPEN TONIGHT, COME!!!

THEN, TOMORROW, I WILL BE AT THIS SHOW. GORDON VOIDWELL IS EXPECTED TO BRING THE HOUSE DOWN, AS ALWAYS. HOW AWESOME IS THIS FLIER, ALSO?

Mr. Voidwell will be performing at midnight, (sharp!), with his "drum machine, synth, Guillermo Brown (drums), Cocheme'a Gastelum (Synth Bass/Saxophone), and Liberty Ellman (Guitar and Bass). It will be nothing short of a dance party.

A VISIT FROM DAP: Bodega, California

You wanna have a good time? Tired of the city life? Wanna tell people you live in BODEGA?

So what's there to do in Bodega (Bay?), California?

You can lie down in the grass.

You can visit the fantastic Bohemian Creamery.

"Hand-crafted cheeses
from a small creamery in the hills of Bodega, California"

You can drop by the Sizzling Tandoor
"Cuisine of India. Serving authentic Indian and Tandoori dishes as well as American food. Prepared to your specific taste by experiences chefs."

WELL, ALRIGHT!

Any of you "Cali heads" ever "fuck with" Bodega?

Thursday, April 23, 2009

A VISIT FROM DAP: edarem

This dude is the best. When creepy, old people know they are creepy and old and play into it, it's always a good look. Actually, it's usually terrible and awkward and they waste you and your friend's time when you wanna get smashed by talking about some bullshit from like 1952 when everyone was racist and I wouldn't even be allowed to hang out. This guy's dope though.

There's tons more where that came from.

A VISIT FROM DAP: Juiceman Juicer

The Juiceman Juicer is definitely in my top 5 zany infomercials of all time. And you know, that's like, a pretty huge distinction from a dude who has hardly worked a day in his life and has terrible insomnia.

In this particular commercial, Juiceman Jay has a weird revivalist thing going on with the audience along with his quasi-coked out rambling. In other commercials, he rails against meat consumption with logic like "if you eat something that's dead, you die, but if you use my Juiceman Juicer and eat living things from the ground, you will continue to live" All of this coming from an OLD ORANGE MAN WITH CARTOONISHLY LARGE EYEBROWS.

TAKE THAT, RON POPEIL!

*In response to allegations that I am the new Williamsburg grifter, I can only beg for your forgiveness. You see, I was born in an animal shelter to a dog mother and a cat father, who, for obvious reasons, never got along well. As they literally chased each other around in my home as I grew up, I never developed the skills I needed to become a normal, healthy human man. And all I ask in return, is for you to buy me 5 whiskey sodas.

**Victor forced me to wear those Ziggy Stardust shoes for everyone's amusement because someone totes stole my shoes from the hallway. I was pelted with rocks the entire way home and called a sissyboy. They will be returned shortly. Probably with a piece of hard candy inside, a Mary Jane perhaps?

Visitation Rights for CF Edley: Sleng Teng, actual fact

[Admit it. While figuring this pretty figured out I finally came on the wiki page and it turns out that everything I'm about to tell you is right there. Which is good, but makes me ex post retarded.]

Sleng Teng is the first digital riddim. Meaning, the first one based not on any analog recording and analog effects. That's why it sounds so flat. Jammy and Wayne Smith made it around 85 based on this dood's chune:

And, crazily, out of this preset from the Casio MT 40 home keyboard:

Which is crazy.

They came up first with this Wayne Smith classic:

Then came other classics, including Pumpkin Belly by Tenor Saw, who is the tops:

Basically, Jammy made this happened and changed the game forever. Tubby came with Tempo shortly therafter:

I grew up on that one.

Then you get slight variations that predate the digital. Which is a backwardsass way of talking history, but this one is important, and I know you all know it:

Point, riddims is timeless. People still do them hard. When something good is good it lasts.

fuck visualizers. stay high.

Visitation Rights for CF Edley: Dat Nigga Sloppy as Hell

Not often you see a dood so fat and shirtless. Go to the yotub page to check the comments. Priceless.

Thinking of taking a trip to Pensacola. I hear they have shit cars but tanks of nitrous. Or else they have lots of oxygen but no acetylene. Regardless, I love inhalants. Just love em. Please be nitrous.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Visitation Rights for CF Edley: Sorry and shit.

On the devoted fan tip, Super Cat may have made some mistakes, but these Sugar Ray enthusiasts are spot on:

Yup.

Also on the devoted fan tip, I just love Tracy Chapman. Don't we all. Should there be a question mark...? Punctuation aside, apparently people in Jamaica also love Tracy Chapman. At least, that's what these three versions lead me to believe:

and my personal favorite, seeing as it's kind of actually good:

Soon I'm gonna post shit with actual significance, like shit about specific riddims or whatever. Maybe I'll even do that later tonight. Prolly I won't. But I might. Maybe later tonight.

Oh wait. How bout some good Super Cat and Nicodemus shits:

Can you believe Dap Dj's that good!?

limp bisquick

Monday, April 20, 2009

\\\best. band. ever. : Neon Indian

Everyone likes their mysterious bands these days. Neon Indian is a mysterious band. Neon Indian is also what people called me when I listened to hell of electro music and dressed slightly dumber than I do now. Everyone doesn't like them yet. Maybe everyone should. I like them. I can only speak for myself. Neon Indian is a boy from Austin and a girl from Brooklyn. Their real identities have yet to be revealed though word on the block is they've been around making music and if we find out who they is we'd know. They make music by correspondings with one another. I bet if one of them runs a gmail search for emails from the other, shit is bananas. Like 800 e-mails and conversations.

One day I will learn about bandwidth and post mp3s and stuff. I'll even get a computer and blog from home. Until then there's GorillaVsBear:

Deadbeat Summer

Should Have Taken Acid With You **listen to this joint

6669 (i don't know if you know)

** update. holy shit. this shit is so good.

\\\swizz beatz first live art interview

Swizzy!!!

Previously on Gordon: Swizz Beatz Hearts Basquiat

*** ive been reading swizzy's tweets and losing a lot of respect for him lately. it's unfortunate. he used to be my favorite rapper/producer/rapper-producer.
****** i still haven't watched this youtube.

A visit from Kate: GOOD LOOKS

I doubt dressing like batman is ever a bad idea. These people look good, but more importantly, they feel good.

Spiderman works well too.

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