Thursday, April 23, 2009

A VISIT FROM DAP: Juiceman Juicer

The Juiceman Juicer is definitely in my top 5 zany infomercials of all time. And you know, that's like, a pretty huge distinction from a dude who has hardly worked a day in his life and has terrible insomnia.

In this particular commercial, Juiceman Jay has a weird revivalist thing going on with the audience along with his quasi-coked out rambling. In other commercials, he rails against meat consumption with logic like "if you eat something that's dead, you die, but if you use my Juiceman Juicer and eat living things from the ground, you will continue to live" All of this coming from an


*In response to allegations that I am the new Williamsburg grifter, I can only beg for your forgiveness. You see, I was born in an animal shelter to a dog mother and a cat father, who, for obvious reasons, never got along well. As they literally chased each other around in my home as I grew up, I never developed the skills I needed to become a normal, healthy human man. And all I ask in return, is for you to buy me 5 whiskey sodas.

**Victor forced me to wear those Ziggy Stardust shoes for everyone's amusement because someone totes stole my shoes from the hallway. I was pelted with rocks the entire way home and called a sissyboy. They will be returned shortly. Probably with a piece of hard candy inside, a Mary Jane perhaps?

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