Liveblogging the Grammys

Because I just made a joke about it.

8:25 pm... What the fuck is a Coldplay? What are they wearing, too? Jay-Z is so cool, damn. And that was some new stuff I guess. Did he just tie in a verse about black history month during a Coldplay set? It would have been much hooder if they had Swizz Beatz come out and do Michael Jordan Tiger Woods over that Coldplay song he spit it on. That would have been perfect for black history month and it would have fit in with the set as a whole.

8:29 pm... Who the fuck is Carrie Underwood?

8:35 pm... Katy Perry is a-okay with the H-man.

8:36 pm... Commercials. The best part of watching anything on tv. The song is the Target ad is pretty good. This Bertolli ad with a singing Italian chef is fucking awesome!

8:41 pm... Al Green's still got it. What's Gwen Stefani done to herself? Coldplay. These guys are such tools man. Chris Martin's married to Gwen Stefani who was on Spain... On the Road Again with Claudia Bessols who is a girl I wish my parents would arrange my marriage with.

8:44 pm... Why is Kid Rock still on tv? Ugh this is so bad. Terrence just said he loves Kid Rock.

8:45 pm... I smacked my beer off of the table in front of me, turned the table over, punched Terrence in the face and walked out of the room in a fit of rage. I'm back now. Shit, it's not over. Kid Rock's playing Sweet Home Alabama. Fuck this. Although, his crazy drummer lady is awesome. Terrence said he lovs this song.

8:49 pm... I just kicked Terrence in the throat and walked out again. But I'm back.

8:50 pm... Orencia sounds like the name of an ethnic girl in the 4th grade. Man, this song in the Target ad is great. I love this Chris Brown Doublemint song that's also a jingle. I learned during the E! Pre-Grammy Red Carpet Special that Chris Brown was accused by an unknown woman of Felony Battery Assault last night. Both he and Rhianna were at Clive Davis' Grammy party last night. Neither Chris Brown nor Rhianna will not be performing or appearing at the Grammys tonight. That's what that whole awkward Al Green Justin Timberlake Boys 2 Men performance was about - filling time. I wonder what the Chris Brown thing is about. Very suspicious. I don't want to jump the shark and accuse Chris Brown of hitting Rhianna but....

8:53 pm... Molly Cyrus sucks. She's like the Fran Drescher of music. Taylor Swift is great.

8:56 pm... Unbearable... Molly Cyrus is terrible. When does Radiohead go on?

9:00 pm... Jennifer Hudson. What a trooper. She's doing her thing. She got her Grammy game and her Oscar game on. This is powerful. I'm getting a little choked up. This is what the Grammys are all about.

9:04 pm... Where's Lil Wayne?

9:09 pm... I don't mind this Jason Mraz guy so much. This song that vaguely appropriates reggae is alright. Could have been a good opportunity for the Mraz man to get his fake patois on. Stevie Wonder with the Jonas Brothers? What the hell is the world coming to. The first family must be enjoying the shit out of this - Barack and Michelle for Stevie and Superstition, the kids for the Jonas Bros. The Jonas Brozzz! For real dude? As Steve just texted me "How dare Jonas bro number 3 for messing up stevie wonders lyrics!!!

9:17 pm... I gotta get on Twitter... The lady in this Zyrtec ad is beautiful. Both of the actors in this DirecTV have quasi-legitimate careers acting out of commercials. This is crazy. That's the guy from that terrible USA TV show called Psyche and the other dude played a TV Exec in Knocked Up and the pirate guy in that movie about Dodge Ball. The recession seems to be hitting d-list actors hard.

9:21 pm... We're talking about Drown, the collection of short stories by Junot Diaz. It's good stuff.

9:23 pm... Katy Perry's great. Batteries low. Gotta give computer back. Be back in a couple...

9:38 pm... I wonder what Morgan Freeman and Kenny Chesney talk about when they're hanging out.

9:50 pm... Hell yeah. This and Radiohead are why I'm watching the Grammys. MIA is bananas to be performing that pregnanny. She's a wilder. Jay-Z is so damn cool. Unreal. Rap is so damn cool. Wow, MIA is a true wilder to perform on her due date though if I was pregnant and I got the opportunity to perform with TI, Jay, Lil Wayne, and Kanye - I would do it. This is a huge day for diasporic South Asian rappers.

*UPDATE:

9:56 pm... Sir Paul McCartney! Hell yes.

10:06 pm... John Mayer. This song's okay. I was rooting for gay (and there's nothing wrong with that) NeYo and even Jason Mraz. Jay Mohr and LL Cool J are two of the worst people alive. What's a Sugarland? I'm rewinding on the DVR to watch MIA, Jay-Z, Kanye, Weezy, and TI again.

10:20 pm... I love Gwyneth Paltrow. She's great. YES! RADIOHEAD! USC'S MARCHING BAND! 15 STEP! THIS IS AMAZING! holy SHIT. Thom Yorke looks hella cool. His sneakers are ace.

*UPDATE:

10:23 pm... That was so good. TI and Justin And Lil Wayne to come. Gonna watch that Radiohead jawn again.