Remember Jesus? You won't BELIEVE what he's up to these days!
BTW - I just realized that Kate totally scooped me on this shit back in May
My Favorite Films and Performances of 2019
4 years ago
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
From the Annals of the Flinternet...JESUS IS ON THE SCENE
Have you even wondered what the best website on the ENTIRE FUCKING INTERNET is? Well wonder no longer, my misguided amigo, because I have located it for you. I'm not going to waste your time. Here's the site in question right here --> Jesus - With You Always. The artwork on this website is created by a gentleman by the name of Larry Van Pelt who, at the age of 50, decided to devote his entire life to producing drawings that depict the presence of Jesus in everyday life situations. The one problem was that Mr. Van Pelt had no drawing experience whatsoever. So he devoted a full 10 years to the drawings what you see on this website. I highly recommend that you read his story and ponder every drawing. But to simplify things, I've selected some of the choicest images and added appropriate captions. I invite you to take a gander...
"It's $20 for a half hour alone with the kid. $50 if you want me to take pictures."
"For someone with no dental experience, you're doing a pretty adequate job!"
"Way to play the faggiest instrument ever, queer!"
"So, uh, I see that you're trying to shove that metal rod into that cliff face. I know I'm not supposed to judge anyone, but dude, get a fuckin' life."
"Free Bird!"
"It's the eye of the tiger, it's the cream of the fight..."
"Hee hee hee! Lookit the silly monkey man playing with his stupid monkey sticks!"
"It's ok, man. It happens to lotsa guys."
"You know what I always say. If there's grass on the field, play ball!"
"Ok dude. You've almost got the hand thing down. Just pull your three lower fingers in further. It's really not that hard. Just pretend you're finger-blasting a virgin."
"So, you've got 3 more years in Iraq, huh? Sucks to be you, bro. Don't pray to me, by the way, cause I've got this girl I'm pretty much spending all my time with. She's a PROFESSIONAL CONTORTIONIST! So, uh, try to avoid those land mines, I guess."
"Y'ever been to third base with the fucking SON OF GOD?!? Just put down that retarded book and take your shirt off."
"So do you like the Adderall? I know a guy who can get a bunch more. $5 a pill."
"Dude, I don't care if you're gonna fuck the dog. I really don't. But, for the collie's sake, please at least slather your bone with some vaseline or something."
"I told you I'd pay for half the abortion, baby."
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2 comments:
i was all like OH HELL NO who is this andrew character on his so-last-year-under-researched-steaze. then i forgave all. dude, you have a lot of blogs to keep up with! that seems taxing!
Yaw Kate. Boy was my face red when I realized that you beat me to the Jesus punch by 6 months. Didn't mean to harsh any mellows. I gave you props at the end of my post. Next time I plagiarize from you, I will make up for it, I swear!
Andrew
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