http://www.woxy.com/music/loungeacts/index.php?id=326
My Favorite Films and Performances of 2019
5 years ago
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
\\\musics: bear hands on woxy
http://www.woxy.com/music/loungeacts/index.php?id=326
\\\smiley culture - slam bam
this may be the busiest day ive had at work all year. busy is good.
Chris Edley put me on to this. I can't hear it at work but i bet its off the chains and shit n shit.
\\\venket built a 6 foot glass tank for his frontosas
my friend ryder's recently become obsessed with fish tanks. i dont think he's going to get one anymore though he's spent the last 4 months or so acquainting himself with everything about fish tanks via the wealth of message boards there apparently are that are devoted to... fish tanks. ("aquariums" if you want to be fancy about... fish tanks.) i wont include the funny race joke ryder made to accompany sending me this link which is a huge race joke anyway. i can tell you the joke was funny though.
my favorite part of this is the whole thing. ryders is the fact that they "say the names of all the cats in the pics." for a brief moment i thought cats were involved and got excited. here are some choice photos from the photo essay "building a glass aquarium tank" which we at gordon gartrelle call "venket built a 6 foot glass tank for his frontosas." link to the photo essay and some message boards so you can aquaint yourself with the wacky world of aquariums at the bottom:
here's nagaraj laying the bottom glass on the floor. as ravi chandran ponders: "is venket taking a big chance with his new tank? we'll soon see..." i just like the textile.
this was a big step, nagaraj brings the side piece:
"now check the otherside edge too."
not sure why ravi chandran thought it was crucial to include like 400 pictures of this but if you feel the need to see more, head here:
http://www.aquarticles.com/articles/management/Chandran_Building_Aquarium.html
For more info on aquariums, head to www.reefcentral.com or www.manhattanreefs.com.
Monday, March 30, 2009
\\\music: (the) tony castles
holy shit.
okay. Paul Sicilian and Gabriel Wurzel (Muggabears) are two of my homie Dylan Rau's (Bear Hands) old buds from CT. They're very talented. Paul's always played the most amazing songs on acoustic with this beautiful (no homezies!) voice in the most genuine, oh this little talent?, type of way and i love them. i've waited 2 years now? for dude to put a band together. Along with Willie Miesmer (Boogie Boarders) the three recently formed (The) Tony Castles. It's beautiful rock music. It's spastic. It's lo-fi. It's heart melting. something about hope and despair. Paul's voice is beautiful. Paul is beautiful. Gaby is beautiful. I don't know Willie but that dood's prolly beautiful too.
Go here and listen to all three of these songs:
http://www.myspace.com/thetonycastles
\\\couple tings
My unabashed hate for white-rapper who took a sociology class and thinks it qualifies him to make insane statements on race and black materialism, which he can't ever understand, Asher Roth is no secret. I received confirmation that Asher Roth knows he's a racist in a new song that surfaced recently - Larked on my Go Kart - in which he continues to rap about being a college stoner with nothing interesting to say. Roth dropped this gem:
Mario Kart skills are outrageous/
Play me any day and I'll be the best racist/
no erase it/ meant to say racer/
traded in my cell phone for a new pager/
I'd love to see stupid rapper Charles Hamilton beat stupid rapper Asher Roth in Sonic the Hedgehog, and then stupid rapper Asher Roth beat stupid rapper Charles Hamilton in Mario Kart, and then for them to write the stupidest song about it. My take on the two:
Charles Hamilton, spending hella guap on sweater vests/
From Old Navy, or games for Sega Genesis, that old baby/
Asher roth's minds blown cuz "blacks" wear plaid?/
Took a soc(sosh) class at emory and now he conscious rap?/
eh, its okay.
///the dream.
the best musician in the world is the dream. im glad i have 3 friends to co-sign this insane statement. like neyo, dude made his name writing great r&B songs for less talented people than him. did you know that in addition to music, Dream is also an accomplished artist who has created many paintings and sculptures, some of which have been shown at various art galleries throughout Atlanta. He is now engaged to singer/songwriter Christina Milian." 2 more reasons to respect the man's grustle (a combination of grind and hustle, of course - (c) bran) . more reasons i like the dream...
Courtesy of first mp3 blog ever, Fluxblog, here's a song called Mr. Yeah by The Dream. I'd write more but Fluxblog dude sums up why this is awesome better than I can. I would have gone without the "He's barely even thinking about that.": Mr. Yeah
"For the first couple minutes of "Mr. Yeah," The-Dream sounds smooth and confident. Or, perhaps more accurately, smug and cocky. He’s singing to an ex who is still getting with him on the side, and from his perspective this means exactly one thing: Her subsequent boyfriends are fools, and he’s the only one who can do her right. Maybe that is true, but there has got to be a reason why he’s the ex, right? He’s barely even thinking about that. As the song progresses, his cockiness fades a bit, but only to be replaced by neediness — his resentment of her current man becomes more obvious, and he openly states his desire to return to full-time boyfriend status in a shaky but certain phone-voice. After that point, the song shifts from bouncy flirtation to sentimental slow jam, sort of the audio equivalent of seamlessly transitioning from a playful club strut to getting down on bended knee in a room decorated with candles and rose petals. Thankfully, The-Dream defuses the sudden seriousness of the song’s conclusion with a boyish punchline: "Can we fuck now?" "
Here's Rocking That Thang which I've now watched the video for about 36 times. If I was 13 I would request this on the radio. If I was 13 I'd also still be upset my homegirl Amy called me to tell me Biggie died.
And here's a song about dusting off his old R. Kelly 12 Play cd to play while twisting a shorty out.
Lyrics include: "we gon come up off that bed, push up to the dresser/ yeah, yeah/ got her all up on my cd player/ skip, skip, skip skip skip skip skip skip/ back to seven yeah"
///greedhead (on materialism). thinkin bout copping this to make Real people music:
toodlez,
xoxo
WOSSUP GIRLLLL
Friday, March 27, 2009
\\\ arranged marriage... Rashida Jones
been a while since i brought back the arranged marriage post. rashida jones is the best. and she's quincy jones' daughter. this one's what we call a no brainer. i cant pick what to quote from her awesome wiki: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rashida_Jones. wiki wiki..
Here's Rashida with sister Kidada Jones. Who's a stylist. And apparently was engaged to Tupac when he got murked/mercked. Cool suspenders.
\\\THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO HMMM
Video of Mos Def late at night in the studio talking about being a fan of DOOM. Isa put me on.
Keeping Up With the Jetsons from Odoms on Vimeo.
and AHAHAHAH, Dap put me on:
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
\\\ news
i've been looking at apartments lately. it's a lot of fun. it starts with having to write those e-mails telling people a little bit about yourself. i usually start with something like "since i was a wee lad i've wanted to live in an AWESOME BR in A 3 BR DUPLEX OFF MONTROSE." then i babble about myself a little bit and talk about how i'm clean and my vibes are 80/20 pos/neg. when i get there, i like to walk into the bathroom and gesture like i'm brushing my teeth and washing my face to vibe the room out. then i take mental snaps of the room and guesstimate how furniture would fit. then i demand being allowed to sit down on the couch for 4 minutes so i can see what kind of couch we're dealing with here. after that i make a joke like "ahh, this is where i would put the meth-lab. you guys are down with ice right? you holdin?" that ones a bit hit or miss. most people like the meth jokes but some of em, not so much. they get a little weirded out.
\\\wideo: no one does it like you - dept of eaglez + where the wild thingz are trailer
Really swate : No One Does It Like You - Department of Eagles - Directed by Patrick Daughters :
Did every elementary school library have a Where the Wild Things Are poster hung up or was it just mine? I think about that poster a lot. This isn't the exact one but:
"The trailer for Where the Wild Things Are which premiered on the Ellen Show. An adaptation of Maurice Dendaks classic childrens story, where Max, a disobedient little boy sent to bed without his supper, creates his own world - a forest inhabited by ferocious wild creatures that crown Max as their ruler."
A VISIT FROM DAP: MR. SUBMARINE COMMERCIAL
During this scene Pippen says "This is one six footer I can't handle one-on-one. Ladies, let's party" He comes off sounding both a)very gay b)like a bisexual deviant who likes to engage in threeways. Both of those things would be completely cool if it weren't for homeboy's way of uncomfortably turning his head while acting. It's not really his fault, there's an insanely phallic sandwich standing in the middle of a court, along with a nice white/black cheerleader combo. Also, I love the way he dribbles up to the sandwich, then briefly pauses to admire it. Very respectful. Overall a very 'Rick James' approach to eating a gigantic sandwich.
I always thought I wanted to be rich and famous, but if it involves women staring at me every time I want to eat a sandwich, forget it. After the 'party' line you'd expect the next scene to be at a club with cocaine and flashing lights, instead, this indoor picnic. Also, Scottie Pippen was a millionaire and the second best player on the Bulls at that time. It looks like the guy made him sit down mid-court on a high school gym floor for this commercial. Very egalitarian.
Final notes. 1) MR. SUBMARINE? REALLY? 2) The music is actually really good.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
\\\youtoob/news: white rapper drops n word at rap battle
In hitherto unheard of news, a white guy participating in a wack emcee gathering in Spokane dropped the n-word at a rap battle. This is unchartered territory.
\\\music: this some shit: new video for panda bear's 'take pills' by gang gang dance's gavin degraw
According to GVB, this video of Take Pills by Panda Bear is complete with "with visuals and weird reversed/pitch-shifted sounds" ...
\\\Music: African Connection Mix from Italians Do It Better's Mike Simonetti
"Since I have some downtime this month and Ifinally got the studio together (after a year)i decided to do a mix. This one is called AfricanConnection and it is mostly African disco lps and 45's mixed with some Caribbean and Jamaican tunes in there for good measure. no real mixinghere, just kicking back and fading in and out for maximum early Spring vibes, so dont expecta dj spectacular here- its all about the selection. As a matter of fact, this mix wasdone while playing with the big man on the floor-- true multitasking. Anyone who can guess these tracks will get any three Italians releases of their choice. This one's gonna be a little tougher than the Albuterol mix!"
http://www.zshare.net/audio/575080636cd10e73
This one's for Chris Edley's birthday. WEB LOG SHOUTOUT.
Monday, March 23, 2009
\\\soca!
Here are twoTrinidadian Soca songs courtesy of Mad Decent:
- http://www.maddecent.com/tnt/Obsessive%20Winers%20F.Alison%20Hinds%20_%20De.mp3
- http://www.maddecent.com/tnt/Machel%20Montano%20-%20Won_t_Stop_.mp3
\\\GG's very own DAP in Khammam Regional Version of Andhra Pradesh newspaper EENADU
This is me writing an article about an article in a Telegu newspaper with a photo of Gordon Gartrelle contributor DAP and his brother Hari Kondabolu (who's recently been added to the blog roll [Hari's Online Humour Journal]). The article talks about an article featuring Hari in the India Currents.![[Hari+news+writeup+in+eenaadu.jpg]](https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjoGD4phhmm3PsQqvPTeelmlb_t9KygRqVwWm1V9xMpbHPCOBEbAZXOgnR4SDz0WRD-fU5l4C7NIHVKcOwBBvi1uUWNB_IMVsZrKKu12qXj2DBTULrW_vWAZfxGRw3xlu33b_HaQBX3_WZv/s1600/Hari+news+writeup+in+eenaadu.jpg)
\\\ i wrote this for yoo when i should have been working
On Positive Energy and Dealing With The Anxiety of Late Capitalism and Becoming a Happy Person
Negative energy can eminate off of a NVE's physical being and on to you via proximity. Thus the first step in the process of gaining positive energy during these trying times is to separate yourself from all NVEs in your life. Create a spiritual firewall to prevent NVEs from entering your spiritual zone. It's a well-known fact that negative energy is tranferred much faster than positive energy. There is extreme potential for Negative Vibe Emanators to absorb Positive Energy from PVEs and exchange it for Negative Vibes. I've seen it before.
Creating Your Own Positive Energy, Becoming a Positive Vibe Emanator
Obviously on the flipside to the aforementioned, surround yourself with Positive Vibe Emanators. One of the easiest ways to be a positive vibe emanator is to be an idiot and have no concerns about the people or world around you. If this applies to you, I don't think we'd be buds or you'd be a reader of my web log. I'll skip over this method. In general, discussing idiot PVEs (IPVEs) or NVEs is an easy route to becoming an NVE. The toxic combination of absorbing negative vibes from others and creating your own negative vibes create what I call a vicious bicycle. The most important thing is to be a PVE - nothing is as important. To a certain extent, you are who you pretend to be. If not, it is at least a fraction of your overall existence. Even if pretending to feel happy, eventually your mind will convince you that you are indeed happy and eventually feeling upset becomes uncomfortable not for the specific negative vibe-creating circumstances but solely because you're no longer used to it. In this instance it is no longer an option to emanate positive vibes, but turning a leaf becomes a necessity. So be happy. Be cognizant of positive and negative energy. If you sense negative energy in a group situation, bring up the fact that those vibes are not cool at all. In times like this, people want something to believe in and eventually your whole friendship circle becomes one that emanates positive vibe-age. Vibes can be ironic too but all that is ironic comes from a place of truth. It was really fun watching Laguna Beach for the white coonery, but the next thing you know you genuinely enjoy the show. So even if you think it's all a joke, embrace it, and eventually you'll see the light. Blind materialism also helps, as buying stuff will make you feel better if it's a cool thing you bought. Additionally, help your economy out! As my dad never said but probably did "Giving help is wealth!" He did say Health is Wealth; so keep that in mind as well.
On Physical Methods of Creating Positive Vibes
There are physical ways to balance one's energy and become a PVE. Yoga is not one of them. Yoga, like Magic, is not real. Yoga may have been real at one point, though this modern mass-commoditized bastardized version of an activity I thoroughly enjoyed participating in with my grandmother as a child... is a joke. One physical method of creating positive energy involves taking the yoga matt out of someone's back pack and beating them with it though you do so at the risk of creating negative energy via perception of others (NEVPO). NEVPO is when someone misunderstands your positive energy to be negative and a resulting glance or comment has the power to change your energy. NEVPO is a big part of absorbing negative energy from others so be weary. A natural method of creating positive energy, without the risk of NEVPO, is being outdoors. As everyone knows, your positive energy naturally rises as the weather gets better. Thus at this specific time of the year, you get a head start on becoming a PVE. Be outdoors as much as you can. The opposite of a vicious bicycle, is a bicycle. Buy one. Ride it. Visit a place far away from your home base as you may become accustomed to locational vibes. Ride your bike to queens, pick up some positive energy, and transfer those locational vibes to your home base where they can then reside. This is a fleeing form of positive energy though it could perpetuate into longer-term positive vibes. If you're a girl, chances are you'll look prettier on a bike and this is one sure-fire way to become a PVE. In this visual driven society, being good looking can turn your vibes to positive via positive energy via perception of others (PEVPO). People assume good looking people are automatically filled with positive energy and give you glances that may turn your good looking negative energy into positive energy. If you're not good looking, hit the gym and read more books. While you're at the gym, do not engage in anything called Yoga. You can drink a calming tea.
Another great way to create positive vibes is to create art that will bring positive vibes to others and also make you feel good about your positive vibe generation. Getting lost in the process, you take your mind off of any negative circumstances that can down your vibe-age. People will also think you're cool and send PEVPO your way. Colors are so cool. Listening to good music is cool too. Here's a shitty drawing I made that caused me to have a little bit more positive energy:
Invent your own forms of physical positive vibe creation.
Two methods I've embraced that you are free too as well: The first method I call Sooryavansham. I thought this was a real Sanskrit way to say Sun Welcome but it may not be. It is definitely a 1999 Bollywood film starring Amitabh Bachchan. As I mentioned, the Sun is a natural positive vibe emanating organism. It may be our biggest resource in the vibe game. Embrace the sun. When you wake up in the morning, stare at the sun with eyes closed and palms pointed toward the source of light. Do so for 2 minutes, perhaps repeating a mantra. If you're guru hasn't given you a mantra, you can make your own up. The palms are sensitive to both UV rays and vibes. As the UV rays enter your physical being through your palms, they automatically turn into positive vibes. This is another fleeing form of positive energy as results may decrease after 5 minutes though performing this ritual in the morning can cause an avalanche of positive vibes perpetuated off of this initial ritual.
My second form of physical creation of positive vibe emanation is based in both absorption and nostalgia. Perform a Sooryavansham while spinning, arms out higher than they would be for the previous ritual. When you were a kid and couldn't drink beer, chances are you did this for fun. Feeling like a kid is always fun.
While on the topic of children I should mention that they are the ultimate positive vibe emanating people. Pets have a tendency to go both ways whereas children will always be positive vibe emanators. If you have a nephew or niece you haven't seen in some time, go play with them. Absorb their positive vibes. They have enough to share.
Finally, pot helps. Weed edge for life.
For more information on positive energy, leave a comment and I can come back to you. Thanks!
Also, no donations necessary. I do this for the kids.
** Update: Some may believe my hating of Yoga may qualify me for being an NVE. I don't hate on yoga, I offer alternatives. True spirituality comes from within oneself, not commodifiable methods of cheaply attained positive energy. Positive energy can't be sold or bought. There's no market for vibes. Even to those attending free yoga seminars, I simply suggest that you come up with your own form of Yoga, though perhaps void of that title. Be your own guru. Perhaps my hatred comes from a place of race, I'll admit this. And perhaps my inability to look beyond race is an inherent source of NVE. This may be the case, but I embrace my race for all its N's and P's and ultimately there's a net P to my vibe-age levels. Race can be both N and P, you have to decide which it is for you.
Also, Al in the comment stream mentioned that creating false positive energy runs a risk, upon realization of the falsity, of standing in the way of true positive energy. I don't make a distinction. Ultimately upon perpetuating itself, the source of this positive energy is not what matters - the result is. Happy vibing kids!
youtube\\\ S3A URCH1N!
Ray put me on to this via Victor putting him on to it, and well, I'm in thug with this young stoner chick I think. Take notes:
S3A URCH1N on Train Wreck x OG
S3A URCH1N on Purple Diesel
S3A URCH1N on Jack Herer
cool kids\\\ apliiq pahty in spin
I guess this was kind of the unofficial first convivial gentry party... ![[Untitled-3.jpg]](https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicdU-0wzNuyJ4UTf_UBeaxgSQB1PAdZcVCbUOJkPIULFgVTSuNoaY771MhVD5-0iqT0uXk-ZTWofIbbHyv7p4i7iOSYyMOfWZEBo1ET3OCeWOlqRLYaHK83LssJ-9U8_z-0pX6ffcdQqw/s1600/Untitled-3.jpg)
blogs\\\ briyanshu.blogspot.com
My homegirl riffo put me on to this:
"A white, American gay guy looking at Indian men (aka Briyanshu's Bollywood Butt Blog)."
I take it Briyanshu's real name might be Brian?
fashion\\\ Rapha Tweed Caps + Operations Mechanics Jacket
"In 2007 Rapha collaborated with Paul Smith to produce two limited edition tweed-style cycling caps. The popularity of this idiosyncratic style demanded Rapha deliver a new line in tweed caps. 2009 brings three new and distinctive interpretations of the classic cycling biretta, rendered in fabrics more usually associated with fine bespoke tailoring. A perfect accessory for the sartorial cyclist." - Rapha.cc
+ I came across this mechanic's jacket from Operations on Selectism. Large front angled pockets, a mustard color that only looks well on jackets, and high waist.
fashion\\\ Pegleg for Opening Ceremony
Friday, March 20, 2009
Thursday, March 19, 2009
NEXT WEEK I WILL TYPE MORE THINGS INTO THIS BOX AND PUT PICTURES WITH THEM TO LOOK AT. MAYBE THIS WEEKEND TOO. LINKS TO MP3 FILES OF MUSIC MAY BE INVOLVED AS WELL. PERHAPS THE WORD "REIFICATION" MAY BE USED IN A SERIOUS TURN OF EVENTS.
IN THE MEAN TIME HERE ARE SOME RECENT IMAGES I CAME ACROSS WHILE PLAYING ON GOOGLE IMAGE SEARCH.
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Friday, March 13, 2009
A VISIT FROM DAP: Fun with string
Don't feel bad if all you got is a piece of string. You can pretend you have a mustache. Or a uni-brow. If you got one or both of those already, try rocking peyes or something. Life's not so bad now, is it?
Bone Roses Live
Stone Roses...
I am the Resurrection...
1989, Blackpool...
I highly recommend this song for groups of four to air-band it out.
Best YouTube Comments:
- PaleFire09 says "Yeah, he's using a rickenbacker; class act guitar"
- Jimmyadcock says "these lads r the dogs bollocks"
- Harryspoonpotter says "it's not simple you shite. that jam at the end is bloody complicated. these are good songs (and im nt sum chav frm manchester, i'm not just defeding my hometown band, it's true). john squire was a great guitar player, mani competant as can be exoected froma n indie band, in fact pretty bloody good, and reni, well nuff said jst watchin him. ian brown, fair play, shit singer, gd songwriter, and sounds fukin amazin on the album. u chat shite "
yo guys, THE JAM AT THE END IS BLOODY COMPLICATED!
ACK LIKE YOU KNOW.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Music: PO PO - Kill Tonight
ok ok ok. I have to go into overdrive at work so this'll be quick.
I don't even want to post on these guys because they're cooler brown guys than Ashok and I but this song is so good.
One time I went to see Boy Crisis play at Lit like 2 years ago and as we were going in this band was unloading their gear:
I would have liked to see whatever the fuck these guys do. 2 years later they're signed to Diplo's MadDecent and recently put out the single KILL TONIGHT.
I can't find a downloadable version of it anywhere but go to their myspace right now and listen to Kill Tonight 9 times like I did at 3:30 am last night. I'm tired...
http://www.myspace.com/popobros
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Poetry Is Cool: Shilling Love by Shailja Patel
I used to write and perform spoken word poetry. Don't tell anyone. I don't really care for it much anymore. Make a song or something dude. My poems were bad. They were about colonialism and fun stuff like that. I think towards the end of my poetry phase I made spoken word poems making fun of spoken word poems. I am hip-hop. Hip-hop is me. I just prefer poems that are written to be read and happen to be amazing when spoken and performed over poems that are written to be spoken as if reading them is an afterthought. Maybe there's no difference. I should focus more on the positives. Okay, Saul Williams is cool. So is Sherman Alexie. When people are good spoken word poetry can be real good.
Most people are not good. This one Kenyan Indian lady Shailja Patel is good. She's won a lot of cool awards. I want to know more about the history of South Asians in Africa. I read this book once, The In-Between World of Vikram Lall by MG Vassanji (sp?), and it was awesome. Also, I saw this movie once, Mississippi Masala, and that was awesome too. There was a scene in the Last King of Scotland that also made me want to read more about Asians in Africa. This is the fourth thing in my list of cool stuff about Asians in Africa. It is a long, awesome poem I like a lot by Shailja Patel. It's very good. Like, very very good.
They never said / they loved us
Those words were not / in any language / spoken by my parents
I love you honey was the dribbled caramel / of Hollywood movies / Dallas / Dynasty / where hot water gushed / at the touch of gleaming taps / electricity surged / 24 hours a day / through skyscrapers banquets obscene as the Pentagon / were mere backdrops / where emotions had no consequences words / cost nothing meant nothing would never / have to be redeemed
My parents / didn't speak / that / language
1975 / 15 Kenyan shillings to the British pound / my mother speaks battle
Storms the bastions of Nairobi's / most exclusive prep schools / shoots our cowering / six-year old bodies like cannonballs / into the all-white classrooms / scales the ramparts of class distinction / around Loreto Convent / where the president / sends his daughter / the foreign diplomats send / their daughters / because my mother's daughters / will / have world-class educations
She falls / regroups / falls and re-groups / in endless assaults on visa officials / who sneer behind their bulletproof windows / at US and British consulates / my mother the general / arms her daughters / to take on every citadel
1977 / 20 Kenyan shillings to the British pound / my father speaks / stoic endurance / he began at 16 the brutal apprenticeship / of a man who takes care of his own / relinquished dreams of / fighter pilot rally driver for the daily crucifixion / of wringing profit from business / my father the foot soldier, bound to an honour / deeper than any currency / you must / finish what you start you must / march until you drop you must / give your life for those / you bring into the world
I try to explain love / in shillings / to those who've never gauged / who gets to leave who has to stay / who breaks free and what they pay / those who've never measured love / by every rung of the ladder / from survival / to choice
A force as grim and determined / as a boot up the backside / a spur that draws blood / a mountaineer's rope / that yanks / relentlessly / up
My parents never say / they love us / they save and count / count and save / the shilling falls against the pound / college fees for overseas students / rise like flood tides / love is a luxury / priced in hard currency / ringed by tariffs / and we devour prospectuses / of ivied buildings smooth lawns vast / libraries the way Jehovah's witnesses / gobble visions of paradise / because we know we'll have to be / twice as good three times as fast four times as driven / with angels powers and principalities on our side just / to get / on the plane
Thirty shillings to the pound fourty shillings to the pound / my parents fight over money late in the night / my father pounds the walls and yells / I can't -- it's impossible -- what do you think I am? / My mother propels us through school tuition exams applications / locks us into rooms to study / keeps an iron grip on the bank books
1982 / gunshots / in the streets of Nairobi / military coup leaders / thunder over the radio / Asian businesses wrecked and looted Asian women raped / after / the government / regains control / we whisper what the coup leaders planned
Round up all the Asians at gunpoint / in the national stadium / strip them of what / they carry march them / 30 miles / elders in wheelchairs / babies in arms / march them 30 miles to the airport / pack them onto any planes / of any foreign airline / tell the pilots / down the rifle barrels / leave / we don't care where you take them / leave
I learn like a stone in my gut that / third-generation Asian Kenyan will never / be Kenyan enough / all my patriotic fervor / will never turn my skin black / as yet another western country / drops a portcullis / of immigration spikes / my mother straps my shoulders back with a belt / to teach me / to stand up straight
50 Kenyan shillings to the pound / we cry from meltdown pressure / of exam after exam where second place is never good enough / they snap / faces taut with fear / you can't be soft / you have to fight / or the world will eat you up
75 Kenyan shillings to the pound / they hug us / tearless stoic at airports / as we board planes for icy alien England / cram instructions into our pockets like talismans / Eat proper meals so you don't get sick / cover your ears against the cold / avoid those muffathias / the students without purpose or values / learn and study / succeed / learn and study / succeed / remember remember remember the cost of your life
they never say / they love us
Two
I watch how I love / I admonish exhort / like a Himalayan guide I / rope my chosen ones / yank them remorselessly up / when they don't even want to be / on the frigging mountain
like a vigilante squad I / scan dark streets for threats I / strategize for war and famine I / slide steel down spines
I watch heat / steam off my skin / when Westerners drop / I love yous into conversation / like blueberries hitting / soft / muffin dough / I convert it to shillings / and I wince
December 2000 / 120 shillings to the British pound / 90 Kenyan shillings to the US dollar / my sister Sneha and I / wait for our parents / at SFO's international terminal
Four hours after / their plane landed / they have not emerged
And we know with the hopeless rage / of third-world citizens / African passport holders / that the sum of their lives and labour / dreams and sacrifice / was measured sifted weighed found / wanting / by the INS
Somewhere deep in the airport's underbelly / in a room rank with fear and despair / my parents / who have travelled / 27 hours / across three continents / to see their children / are interrogated / by immigration officials
My father the footsoldier / numb with exhaustion / is throwing away / all the years / with reckless resolve / telling them / take the passports / take them / stamp them / no readmission EVER / just let me out to see my daughters
My mother the general / dizzy with desperation / cuts him off shouts him down / demands listen to me I'm the one / who filled in the visa forms / in her mind her lip curls she thinks / these Americans / call themselves so advanced so / modern but still / in the year 2000 / they think it must be the husband in charge / they won't let the wife speak
On her face a lifetime / of battle-honed skill and charm / turns like a heat lamp / onto the INS man until he / stretches / yawns / relents / he's tired / it's late / he wants his dinner / and my parents / trained from birth / to offer Indian / hospitality / open their bags and give their sandwiches / to this man / who would have sent them back / without a thought
Sneha and I / in the darkened lobby / watch the empty exit way / our whole American / dream-bought-with-their-lives / hisses mockery around our rigid bodies / we swallow sobs because / they raised us to be tough / they raised us to be fighters and into that / clenched haze / of not / crying
here they come
hunched / over their luggage carts our tiny / fierce / fragile / dogged / indomitable parents
Hugged tight they stink / of 31 hours in transit / hugged tighter we all stink / with the bravado of all the years / pain bitten down on gargantuan hopes / holding on through near-disasters / never ever / giving in / to softness
The stench rises off us / unbearable / of what / was never said
Something / is bursting the walls of my arteries something / is pounding its way up my throat like a volcano / rising / finally / I understand / why I'm a poet
Because I was born to a law / that states / before you claim a word you steep it / in terror and shit / in hope and joy and grief / in labour endurance vision costed out / in decades of your life / you have to sweat and curse it / pray and keen it / crawl and bleed it / with the very marrow / of your bones / you have to earn / its / meaning
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
A VISIT FROM DAP: Das Bad Fake Art
Check out this small collection of photos I took with one of the Das Racist logos when I was in India. It's available now on my fake flickr account.
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