A VISIT FROM AUNT BOOB: WHEN TRANSTURBATION'S LOST ITS FUN

so i guess there's a new "airquotes" trend that is sweeping up the young internet surfers and boogie boarders: typing shit into Google Translate (or your internet translator of choice) and converting it through several languages then back into English (or your first language of choice), much like that game "Telephone," which Wikipedia ironically calls Chinese Whispers.



I've been recently alerted to this by many friends, and that somewhat alerts me. did not everybody do this way back in the early days of the innaweb? i dont wanna sound like i'm sayin i started the trend or nothin, i just remember being in middle school and going to altavista and bouncing the phrase "Barry Schatz Sucks Rusty Wieners" through a bunch of languages until something like "Black Barstool Fingering Hamburger Koala Cock" came out. Of course, we called it Transturbation, which isn't really a good pun name, but it stuck, because we were in middle school.

and even though I wanna call Old Hat on this shit, I still think it's pretty funny, so I took a new stab at it with a story written by me and the wonderifulous necrolander David MacNutt, called Disgusting Dog Island, which is already one of the most non-sensical and unintelligible pieces of drivel put to e-paper. first I transturbated it through five funny languages and it's now called Total Inujima (which I guess is a place in Japan whose name is written with the kanji for Dog and Island [go fig]), but then I went for the gold (pun intended for Dave and Andrew only) and transturbated it through every single language that Google has to offer, in alphabetical order, now called Kennel Barley Island (way worse name).

Needless to say, the story reads just about the same.

Oh shit, I just remembered that we had to have internet pen pals at some point in middle school, and I convinced this kid in Belgium (who spoke perfect English) that I was from the Ukraine by writing only heavily transturbated emails. Sorry Dirk.

I can't wait for open mic nights to be flooded with poets simply reading printouts of their latest livejournal entries transturbated a couple times. i literally cannot wait.