Wednesday, February 10, 2010


do you know my friend Ben EC? his dick once got me kicked off facebook. he's also a scientist. and it was his science brain that found this very real scientific report:

Oral conception. Impregnation via the proximal gastrointestinal tract in
a patient with an aplastic distal vagina. Case report.

Or to translate for our feeble, god-fearing minds:

Beej baby. This chick's all preggers from spunk in her belly,
and she ain't got no snatch. Forreal.

100% truth, this is an actual report from the so-called "British Journal of Obstetrics and Gynecology. September 1988, Vol. 95." It has a wonderfully auspicious first line:
"The patient was a 15-year-old girl employed in a local bar."
The story goes she got in a knife fight with her ex-dude and her new-dude and went to the hospital with a hole in her abdomen. The docs patched her up, but she came back 9 months later with a bun about to pop out of the oven. But when they went downtown to help get the baby out, they found she literally had no 'giner, there was "only a shallow skin dimple." So they cut the kid out, but were like, "wait what the fuck." [citation needed]

They say she got in the knife fight when her ex walked in on her giving some apparently miraculous head to the new guy, because:
"The patient was well aware of the fact that she had no vagina and she had started oral experiments after disappointing attempts at conventional intercourse."
In any case, stabs were exchanged. She got it right in the middle, piercing some holes right in the stomach, and thus giving those recently ingested spermies a chance to make a break for their animalistic mecca, the uterus. The report isn't exactly sure how they got there alive (hey doc, ever heard of THE BIBLE?), but further corroboration of the theory goes to the fact that the son at age 2 looked exactly like the lucky father.

Regardless, the story had a happy ending:
"The young mother, her family, and the likely father adapted themselves rapidly to the new situation and some cattle changed hands to prove there were no hard feelings."

mother nature sure is a maaaad scientist, jerry!


Andrew said...

I've solved plenty of problems through cattle exchange.

KOOL A.D. said...


Dap said...


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