BOOBTUBE: BYRNE BABY BYRNE

so I really can't tell how many people have seen this, because it varies between either "um, no one" or "EVERYONE DUH" when i'm in different circles, so I'm just gunna put it up here, because of course everyone i ever talk to reads this blawg.

anyway, it's David Byrne Interviews David Byrne, made as an epilogue for Stop Making Sense. It's one of the best short films I've ever seen, and also has some of the best interview questions and interview answers of any interview I've seen. Also acting. And costumes. And set design. I'm not kidding.

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A VISIT FROM AUNT BOOB: EVERY INTERVIEW IS TERRIBLE

At first glance it may seem like that Everything Is Terrible is just another ever-flowing font of amusing videos centered on people embarrassing themselves and/or culture as a whole, much like America's Funniest Home Videos, or COPS, or just all of YouTube. At second glance, they are still definitely that, but it becomes obvious that the worker bees behind EIT mine deeper into the depths (and I mean depths) of human culture than any other entity, digging up the rarest and most precious nuggets of cultural indignity, then laying those nuggets on that huge conveyor belt of divertissement that is the internet, which points directly at our eyes and ears and gaping maws, which swallow up EIT's video gems as they come pouring off the line (that metaphor was a trainwreck [new band name]).

i've posted EIT's shit before, and so has hima (glorious scarves!!), but I can't tell you how many mass-emails-with-just-a-youtube-link-and-a-subject-line-like-"Holy Fuck" i've composed with their stuff, to the point where every single video i was showing off to friends (you know, at parties and stuff) was one of theirs, kinda like the guy who goes around proudly telling jokes directly ganked from Jeff Foxworthy (you know, at parties and stuff). i even directly stole a bunch of their found footage and put it in a youtubey video of my own, which is a technique me and my friend Quentin like to call an homage.

the EIT youtube account was deleted a little bit ago (thas a bonafide merit badge in my book) so a lot of their original hilarities have been removed from the series of tubes, but here are a couple surviving examples of those nuggets I was blathering on about before. Open wide:




a DVD chock full of this delicious crap can be bartered for here

Okay, this post is about to get a lot longer, because everything thus far has been an introduction for YET ANOTHER XXXCITING XXXCLUSIVE GORDON GARTRELLE INTERVIEW XXXXTRAVAGONZO!!! This time we interview not one, not two, but A BUNCH of people all at once, because there's no way to interview an internet entity without interviewing each of the internetters it entails (dr. seuss helped me with that line). Here are the names of the dudes (and dudettes?) who make up Everything Is Terrible, or at least those that were willing to deal with the inane time-wasters I call questions:

• Ghoul Skool
  
• Lehr (the Intern) Thing
  
• Future Schlock
  
• Defenestrator III: On Broken Glass
  
• Airwave Ranger
  
• Yonder Vittles
  
• Commodore Gilgamesh

These colors will be preserved throughout the interview (another idea I stole directly from these guys when they sent their questions back. but I'm pretty sure they stole it from gmail, so, steal it forward)

[NOTE THIS IS JUST A PORTION OF THE INTERVIEW. i asked way too many questions, and most of them were pretty shitty, but for the most part ALL SEVEN of these dude(tte)s put in their pennies for each query. so to not make this a true scrollfest, I'm posting one or two answers for each question, BUT THE COMPLETE INTERVIEW CAN BE FOUND IF YOU CLICK 'READ MORE' WHICH IS A BASIC BLOG FUNCTION THAT WE HERE AT GORDGART HAVE JUST FIGURED OUT HOW TO USE FOR THE FIRST TIME. THANK YOU GOOGLE SEARCH]

have you ever walked out on a movie in the theaters? have you ever been in a movie where someone did that? what's up with that? my dad walked out on Pi, and I thought it was so funny that I couldn't stop laughing while the dude was drilling into his own frontal lobe. sorry, spoiler alert.

Ghoul Skool: BASKETBall, Tomb Raider, and Pi where I left my family and never looked.... Son? My only son! My, how you've disappointed me.

Airwave Ranger: For my dads birthday we went to Police Academy IV but some skateboard punks caused a riot in the mall and there was a full speed chase through our theater. The cops made us leave for "our safety."

Yonder Vittles: I walked out of A Bee's Life after the Jerry Seinfeld bee went to the closet to choose another sweater.

what's some shit they put in ice cream that they should not be putting in ice cream?

GS: Ever since Rape flavor was introduced in the late 90's, I've become pretty disillusioned to iced cream in general. I know the word 'rape' isn't a bad word, but god dammit- sometimes i think it should be.

LTI: Any shit at all would be pretty gross I'd think.

AR: Ben and Jerrys Thanksgiving Dinner was a bit much.

what's the largest vehicle you have operated? if your answer is minivan or smaller, skip this question.

LTI: A small maxivan.

what's the awesomest thing you've deep-fried? we're all expecting you to say some sort of candy, so you're really gunna have to wow us here.

DIII: A smaller deep fryer.

YV: Some sort of candy.

CG: so many things. i worked at mcdonald's for almost a year. here are a few: every type of condiment packet, whole eggs, a hat, a shirt, a shoe, a turd, a ball of fur (i think), ummm... i'm sure there were more. we deep fried so many things, like everyday. dangit, i wish i could remember. i'll get back to you.

did you hold off on having your first kiss with someone cause you didn't think it was special enough? i was going to ask this about losing your virginity, but no one cares about that.

DIII: I'm still saving my first kiss until Jesus tells me it's safe.

YV: Never came up.

CG: that is what i told/tell people. actually, i'm just terrified of being a creep, so i never touched/touch ladies until they force me to. it has worked out really nicely. seriously.

have you ever been in any physical fights? if so, describe at least one.

GS: I once got into a brawl with Commodore after a night of dancing and drinking to new wave music. The next day he went to the doctor and it turned out I punched him so hard he got pluracy (true tale!). That taught him never to mess with Big Daddy ever again. Since then, Mr. Gilgamesh ran off to the outskirts of town and he won't be bothering you decent folks anymore. But I'm no hero... or am I? Yes.

LTI: Yes. I was at this beach with my girlfriend and I really wanted to impress her so I kicked sand in this puny nerd's face. My girlfriend and I laughed so much at him. But then like 90 days later, I see this kid at the beach again and he's all buff and junk. He punches ME in the face and walks away with MY girlfriend. It totally sucked.

DIII: No, because I've always got my gun.

so do you guys just ride around in a minivan (or larger vehicle of choice) going to every thrift shop and garage sale, picking up every VHS you can get your hands on? Or do you make the interns do that?

GS: Hey, Turkey! Where do you get your information? First off, we begin each VHS odyssey (or Pussy Hunt, as we call it) by putting on tuxedos, washing our helmets, and of course, praying. We then hop into our custom built Power Wheels built by Commodore's subsidiary company, Big Boy Toyz- and raise hell all over town. After a long day of accosting meek gas station attendants, we eventually get restless and begin to raid suburban garages for goodies. The magic you see is a result of those great times we call 'weekdays!'

Same question goes for watching all those damn movies.

FS: Nope, we watch 'em all, sometimes on fast forward for the action movies. I am working on being able to screen two movies at once, at which time I will graduate to a level 6 video master.

AR: EIT is just a collection of Youtube clips right?

in wikipedia's description of the great 19th century Italian poet Giacomo Leopardi, they say "Everything is terrible and grand in his poems, which are the most agonizing cry in modern literature, uttered with a solemn quietness that at once elevates and terrifies us.^{[citation needed]}" Is this awkwardly poetic wikipedia line your namesake? Does Leopardi have a big influence on your work? Does Wikipedia?

DIII: You lost me at Italian poet.

AR: I admit it, huge fan. More people should read him. He's like a young Bukowski, only Italian.

I can't figure out where you are. Chicago?

AR: Why we've been right here in your heart the whole time.

If so, do you feel your work comes out of the oddly expansive Found Art culture that exists there? If you're not in chitown, are you influenced by the Found scene wherever you are?

DIII: There's not much of a found scene. It seems to be mostly small groups working independently from each other. However we all meet up once a year for Found Con which takes place inside the Detroit Auto Show.

YV: My work comes out of the oddly expansive sewer of popular culture - it just so happens that a major vein of well-preserved turds from this sewer runs through Chicago.

what's the single best place to get great videos?

GS: Nice try, dicknose!

LTI: Blockbuster Video.

YV: Your dad's house.

AR: Get your own schtick.

what's the single best place to get great weed?

LTI: Blockbuster Video.

YV: Your dad's house.

DIII: Shit, man, I was hoping you would know somebody.

what's the strangest place you've made love?

LTI: Blockbuster Video.

YV: Your dad's house.

DIII: The internet.

who is the only president who owned a patent?

DIII: William Howard Taft got stuck in a bathtub.

YV: Sorry to correct you, but there are actually eight. William Henry Harrison, Ulysses S. Grant, Rutherford B. Hayes, James A. Garfield, Benjamin Harrison, William McKinley, William Howard Taft, and Warren G. Harding.

name five states with the same first letter as their capitals.

LTI: Fuck that.

DIII: That's not even a question.

AR: BOOOOORING

YV: Really.

CG: i can't think of any.

WHO IS THE GREATEST ACTOR OF OUR GENERATION?

GS: Anyone who starred in Boxer's Omen, or Slipstream.

YV: Rhonda Shear.

CG: i like the coreys a lot.

have you hooked up with him/her?

GS: Come on, dude. That's not funny.

FS: Our sect is celibate.

AR: Weak ending.


ZING! Now, I know you don't have a job, so go ahead and read the full thing:

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\\\\\\ \\ \\ \\\ interview with a label dude, dean bein (founder of true panther sounds)

Photo - The back of Dean Bein, half of Will Roan of Amazing Baby's head, Quinn Walker of Suckers. Rock and roll friendship legion.

Dean Bein is the founder of True Panther Sounds who have been putting it down pretty big this year. Now a part of the Matador family, True Panther is responsible for putting out "Album" from the SF band Girls who have made quite a name for themselves this year ON SOME YOU MUST BE LIVING UNDER A ROCK IF YOU AINT HEARD OF THEM type shit. TPS is also responsible for putting out music from Glasser, Tanlines, Lemonade, Hunx and his Punx, Tamaryn, and The Fly Girlz who were formed at a 21st century sponsored after school program at Brownsville Middle School PS 284. As busy as dude is, he was kind enough to answer some questions the inquiring minds at Gordon Gartrelle must know:

- Yo Dean Bein, when people ask what you're doing do you ever say just bein dean?

Yes also, if you do a good search for Dean Bein a lot of times it'll be like "Dean bin CRAZY" or "Dean Bein STUPID". When my mom first figured out how to use google she came to believe I was a really controversial figure on the internet.

- Do you download music? Do you draw a somewhat moralistic line, as many people do, between widely available popular music that is okay to download and self-supporting indie music that you'd like to support the band for? Do you download movies?

I don't download movies and I don't download indie or major label music. Majors because I am scared of a time warner representative rope swinging through my bedroom window and taking me out with a laser sword or something. Indies because I want to represent and support bands I love and , companies I love and believe in.

- Is the world going to end in 2012? if so, how?

My dad who is a "really far out guy" said that 2012 will be a massive change in the human consciousness. In his russian accent he said "many people may die, many people may not, but in the end we will all think of the world differently. There is no such thing as apocalypse." My dad bought me a book about Nostradamus when I was 11 and as a result I grew up as a half-hearted no-future-esque punk rocker. I now believe ha things will never be "all right" for long but also that nothing will ever be "totally fucked" forever. There is no such thing as apocalypse, only massive change.

- How dope is Monta Ellis? That guy is great. Is he going to fully recover and be the franchise player the Warriors need? How angry were you about that whole moped thing? I was pissed. I'm a Knicks fan but since they suck I slut around a little and Monta was hell of enjoyable to watch. Plus I was living with a dude from the Bay at the time.

Imagine my life with favorite teams being the knicks and warriors. Maybe this is a "no future " vibe extending itself into my adult life. I was pissed about Monta but also he is like 12 years-old. Have you ever heard him talk? He has the most amazing southern accent. Also, growing up a warriors fan I am always convinced that the Warriors will trade away any possible franchise player for a 4th round pick and a bag of sunchips so I have no such delusions about Monta being with us for long.

- What do you think of japanther?

Do you realize they have been around for almost 10 years? Do you think they realize this?

What do you think of the black panthers?

I think it's cool that Bobby Seale is really into bbq'ing now. He has a bunch of cookbooks and maybe even a restaurant. I am generally dubious of "revolutionary political practice" but I am super down with revolutionary/life-altering bbq ribs. Cooking pigs not killing pigs…or something.

What do you think of the comic book super hero black panther?

I tried to do this entire interview "off line" but I was stumped by this question and just googled him. He is like a low-grade batman? I don't know! I am not impressed!!

What do you think of pantera?

In high school I had a friend who played on the football team who was into Pantera. I made him a mix tape one time that had 10 yard fight and Earth Crisis on it and it didn't really move him .He said Pantera was way harder than those bands. I didn't understand really but I know that I was mysteriously inconsolably sad when Dimebag Darrell was killed.

What do you think of the panther as an animal?

The panther is beautiful and fast and deadly

How did you come up with the name True Panther Sounds?

We got it from a medieval bestiary. In it, the panther eats a meal then retires to the cave for a few days to digest. When it comes out, the odor that comes from its mouth brings all of the animals of the forest together in harmony and peace. The only animal that is not down with this is the dragon, the dragon hates the smell and it makes it sick. The dragon is the enemy of the panther. The True Panther brings all of the different animals of the forest together in harmony, that is why we picked that name.

- Do you feel that the quality of spam mail has gone down significantly in the past years? I used to get stuff that was pure absurdist poetry like "The eternal poodle mix tries the vacuum cleaner wisdom teeth with McConaughey in spades" but now it's 100% investment loans and prescription drugs. Do you blame gmail's spam filter for such degradation?

I got a really beautiful spam recently.

"excess of sorrow laughs. excess of joy weeps. a bare, bleak shed in blackest silhouette,searchest the grass with tongue of flame,"

I also got a poem in my email a week ago and thought it was a weird free-verse spam thing but then re-read and it turns out it was a real poem from a secret admirer!! I've never had a secret admirer. It made me hate spam even more bitterly than before, for almost making me miss such a thing.

- When you hear a band you're going to sign, is it usually something that's apparent the first time you see them play or listen to their record or is it something that comes out of a lot of listens?

It's usually immediate but then also I get excited about most music almost every day so I have to give things a bit of time to marinate to see if my excitement fades. I am an excitable person.

- Do you think people with pilates balls in their house will ever be free of someone coming over and using the thing as a toy or a hop ball? do you think people who do pilates religiously ever secretly bounce that thing around the house for fun?

I don't associate with those kinds of people. It's also a shame that people who try to use their balls for self-empowerment are ridiculed and their balls are mocked and misused.

- Any good stories from the joint. I think I ran into you after you were locked up for a tnight. JAIL.

The only poster they had up in ny central booking office was Mike Dunwoody from the San Jose Sharks. That one really threw me for a loop. Everyone called me "that little white nigga". I met a guy who was arrested, released with no money, jumped to turnstile to get home only to get re-arrested. I also met two graffiti guys who were nice to me because they knew this other graffiti guy who I met in elementary school- which is crazy because that was in California.

- Does Christopher Owens listen to any rap music?

Jesus Christ was the first gangster rapper. I think Christopher listens to a lot of religious music.

- What's next for True Panther?

I want True Panther to keep on growing and keep on doing right by the artists, and keep on putting out good music for people from all around the world. The label is nothing if it can't provide something to artists that they can't do themselves so I hope to continue to be at their mercy and to keep surprising listeners with new, adventurous, honest and fearless sounds.

Good lookin out Dean for taking the time to do this shit. When I get around to it expect some more interviews coming soon w Nick Diamonds of Islands and the band Bear in Heaven.

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\\\\\\ \\ \ \\\ \\\\\\\\ interview with a music journalist, a good one, one of the few good ones

Julianne Escobedo Shepherd...

FADER is one of the few magazines I actually subscribe to. (The other two being Complex and The Economist). (I lied about The Economist). (I just want you to think I'm smart). I check their blog daily and was recently talking to someone about how I find some of my favorite rap on FADER. While typically I feel odd about "indie" press outlets covering hip-hop (mainly Brooklyn Vegan and Pitchfork) I think they're one of the few that get it right and it's because I never feel like they're outside of the culture looking in and commenting, but that they're participants. (I distinctly recall feeling strange when Pitchfork reviewed a Peedi Peedi (fka Peedi Crack) song once. Like, ah fuck, now some motherfuckers are gonna listen to this shit ironically? BRRRRAT, DDRRRINGGGG.) Even more than just hip-hop or rap or whatever though, I find some of my favorite dubstep, indie rock, dance music, whatever it is at FADER's blog. It feels like one-stop shopping.

I remember when Jay's "Run This Town" joint dropped whoever tweeted for them said they didnt have to PAUSE 'cause they're a girl and I was just like Ha! Who wrote that?!?. IT WAS JULIANNE ESCOBEDO SHEPHERD. And thanks to the magic of the internets I found a new friend in a music writer I actually enjoy the work of. She got hella good taste.

So I got homegirl, who's official title is Executive Editor there, to answer some questions. What we have is both an interview and possibly the best music post on Gordon Gartrelle at the same time. (All the music posts here were ganked from FADER or GorillaVsBear anyway)!

Who's the most interesting person you've ever interviewed? (Interpret interesting in any way you please). Any crazy stories?

This is obvious, but any member of Wu-Tang—I’ve interviewed Ghost, RZA, Rae, Meth and Red—and they all have their own utterly unique crazy styles, the last of a dying breed. Most recently I talked to RZA about The Tao of Wu which was amazing. He’s is so focused and responds to every life experience like a lesson, from poor and hustling to being incredibly famous and well off. Most rappers, when they talk about spirituality, are corny as fuck, but anybody’d would be privileged to listen to RZA discuss wisdom, chess, Sun Tzu, five percenters, whatever.

My stories aren’t that crazy, mostly just anecdotal. I was having a really bad interview with Cam’ron and I asked him something totally random like “DO YOU TAKE YOUR GIRL OUT DANCING” and he was like “This interview is over, B.” He’s said those exact words to like three separate people I know. It felt like some sort of milestone, getting shut down by Cam’ron. Like a battle scar or a music journalist bat mitzvah.

What's Ghostface like in person? That Brett Ratner story about burying the bucket of fried chicken is crazy.

Actually I interviewed him over the phone, but the one time I met him was at a listening session in the green room at Nokia Theatre like 20 minutes before his show. He was super tall, wearing a hoodie and totally reserved, I think he was “in the zone,” trying to psych himself up. There was no chicken around but if there was I’m sure it would have been mayhem.

What do you think of the troop surge in Afghanistan?

I’m not sure I understand the situation completely. I do think that if we’re not going to withdraw completely and let Afghanistan stabilize itself (if that is even possible), the troops already stationed there need assistance, though it seems like a full-on surge is the wrong move away from withdrawal. However my opinion is based almost entirely on reading the Times, al-Jazeera (English version) and talking to a friend of mine who’s been an embedded photographer there for the past few years. His name is Peter van Agtmael and you can see his work at petervanagtmael.com.

Despot wants to know if he can have a pair of Levis. I don't know why. Can he? Can I? Why do you think he's asking?

Yeah what’s you guyzes sizes? He’s asking because he knows I’m the female version of a hustla.

I read what you write all the time. I think you have great taste in tunage. What are some blogs YOU read? Who besides yourself and obviously myself do you think has great taste in tunage. No, who do think has the BEST taste in tunage? Even if we'll have no idea who they are.

Aww thanks, I read what you write all the time too. Right now my favorite shit is every podcast ever from rinse.fm, a radio station in London. It’s all the hotness of what is happening now in grime, dubstep, funky, house, jungle, whatever. Next level dance music. Geeneus, Roska and Angie B & Dogtaniun, Newham Generals, Dub Police, sometimes Crazy Cousins or whoever will do a guest spot. Also good for working out.

I don’t know who has the BEST taste in tunage, there are always posts on some blogs that bum me out just like I’m sure I bum people out when I post techno videos about wolves on the FADER. Some other stuff I like: http://neongoldrecords.blogspot.com/ (Neon Gold, they have a record label w/exclusives but always post decent rock stuff)

http://ghettobassquake.blogspot.com/ (Ghetto Bassquake, our dude Boima who produces with an emphasis on global bass musics)

http://trinimix.blogspot.com/ (Trini Posse. If you want to GET JACKED on caffeine and listen to soca 24 hours a day, and who doesn’t?, they will hook you up)

Tekserve is a block away from your headquarters and with a publication that embraces technology such as your own, do you think your location was a calculated decision? Or do you think it more had to do with the proximity to shake shack?

Yes. Like bank drive-thrus in the suburbs, we have a tube that goes through our building, underneath 6^th avenue, and shoots back up into Tekserve. It is through this that we transmit all of the secrets of the internet in the land. We, along with the good Tekserve employees, are the Keepers of the Ether, tasked with safeguarding and evolving the future of all information online. It is our destiny, as the occupants of the 13^th floor in the Masonic Temple headquarters.

What are 5 things you absolutely despise right now?

* Money

* People from the Ivy League/”Families” who whine because their rise-thru-the-ranks/Skull & Bones Conde Nast editorialships are no longer a birthright. Welcome to the proles dudes!

* Biters

* The instability of Mexico and by extension Bush I / NAFTA

* When people call me at work to ask banal shit like “what’s your web address” (it’s thefader.com)

What if Bjork did the hook on "Empire State of Mind"?

I could shake my uneasy feeling that Alicia Keys is constantly 1/8 off-key, and Jay-Z would have rapped about the Mole People in the subways instead of his Tribeca loft.

What are 5 things you absolutely love right now?

- Nicholas Kristof & Cheryl WuDunn

- Lil Kenny & the $hebangs’ “Straight to Your Head” (http://sdotx.blogspot.com/2009/05/lil-kenny-and-shebangs.html)

- Spoek Mathambo’s blog / slang lexicon (2faced1.com/blogs/zombo)

- Jean Charles de Castelbajac Spring/Summer 2010 (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/fashion/paris-fashion-week/6265680/Paris-Fashion-Week-Jean-Charles-de-Castelbajac-springsummer-2010-collection.html)

- You (Editor's note: YESSSSSS)

What sort of things do you like to take pictures of on your phone? What's the most recent phone picture you sent to someone?

I take pictures of random shit around New York. Most recently, I saw some graffiti for this Pakistani bike gang called “PAKI RYDERZ,” so I took a pic and sent it to your friend and mine, Zeb Malik, cause I knew he’d be stoked. Shout out to the Popo bros. (Editor's Note: Shout out to the Popo Bros, and PAKI RYDERZ)

Be honest. Have you at any point ever worked at The Source? My friend Ilirjana from Apache Beat once told me she worked at The Source. I'll probably interview her and ask her all about working with Benzino. But yeah, have you ever worked at The Source? What was working at VIBE like? What was the overall vibe at VIBE? Positive? Negative?

I never worked at the Source. Never even freelanced! My ex-boyfriend worked at XXL, he probably would have dumped me on principal.

VIBE was super cool. My boss at the time, Danyel Smith, was kind of like my mentor—a real legend, too—and there was a terrifically smart energy, tough and grueling but fun and rewarding, with an emphasis on Actual Journalism and taking people and topics seriously that no one else would. I was there when we put Obama on the cover, real early in the primaries when most Dems still thought Clinton was a shoo-in, and it felt major.

There were weird aspects though. I had to spend a lot of time hanging out with people like Bow Wow and Pretty Ricky.

Here are some FADER themed questions:

Did you ever sport a high-top fade?

No, but I had a crush on Kid in junior high.

Do you ever get faded?

You know I live in New York, is this a serious question? Never not faded.

Have you mastered the fadeaway?

I suck at basketball but am really good at salsa dancing.

What do you think of burning out vs fading away?

Immortality is the apex but fading away can also be cool. Stacey Q dropped out the game after “Two of Hearts” and became a devoted Buddhist and is now permanent BFFs with the Dalai Lama.

Is Fade to Black a metallica or ac/dc album? or a Jay-Z movie? Which is the best?

Who are Metallica and AC/DC? “Fade to Black” is first and foremost a Jay-Z live movie, maybe the best concert film ever made, and definitely one of the most bombastic bits of Debordian chutzpah of our time. Like, who else gets a movie when they fake-retire? It’s like getting married to one of your friends just so you can collect a bunch of free shit from Crate & Barrel. The ruse is up, WE ARE COMING TO COLLECT.

Secondly, “Fade to Black” is an amazing electronic pop ANTHEM made by this cool girl MNDR, which you can listen to here: http://www.myspace.com/mndrtronica

What did you think about Sonic Youth on Gossip Girl and the DJ Rupture reference in 90210. The fuck is going on?

People like you and I are getting jobs in mainstream TV screenwriting and are GETTING OVER something fierce.

Dear screenwriters making these weird moments happen: please holler at me, I can hook you up with Brooklyn’s most arcane! Chuck Bass totally needs a plotline with Das Racist. Let’s get subversive.

My friend has a crush on Matthew Schnipper. Do you have a crush on Matthew Schnipper?

Of course. It is so painful to come to work every day because he is so close to me—just a few feet away, there, with his sandwich cookies and his air guitar—and yet he is so, so far. Actually no, that would be gross, like incest. But I just told him you asked this question and he wants to know if your friend is a cute girl.

Do your feminist beliefs ever create a conflict of interest with your unabashed appreciation of dancehall music?

Yes, but my feminist beliefs create a conflict of interest with basically every aspect of life in the patriarchy so hearing Vybz Kartel talk about his cocky on the radio is relief and respite from the bullshit of day-to-day. I’m a feminist, and I like to wine. People are complicated!

You can read Julianne's writing and listen to what she's listening to here: http://www.thefader.com/author/jshepherd/. You'll notice second down from the top is a song by a band called Bear In Heaven. Gordon Gartrelle will be interviewing that band soon. Also, coming soon is an interview with Dean Bein who founded True Panther Sounds which is now a part of Matador and recently put out the stellar Girls album entitled "Album".

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\\\\\ interview with a dallas penn

According to VIBE: Dallas Penn is not an old man, but he’s certainly an old soul, and his website, DallasPenn.com is the exact same way..... In addition to DallasPenn.com, his “Internets Celebrities” (internetcelebrities.com) series – a collaboration with Rafi Kam of Ohword.com – has garnered a cult-like following with its satirical YouTube bits about everything from grocery shopping at Bodegas to the crazy creation of "Ghetto Big Macs". His commentary on DallasPenn.com focuses primarily on the East Coast boom bap he grew up on as a young kid in New York City, he also blesses his readers with streaming audio of the music hip hop samples, groups like the Ohio Players get as much shine as Wu-Tang Clan. In other words, Dallas Penn is old school and so is DallasPenn.com. Class is in session.

Dallas Penn was one of the earlier doods to put us on to people, and not on some "hipster," "indie" or whatever whatever, but just as rap. The respect is mutual. How would I not appreciate a dude (NH) who would make this:

or under the banner of Internets Celebrities and along with the homie Rafi Kam of Oh Word, this:

or write THIS, THIS or THIS.

Local dude from Queens who uses humor to discuss rap, race, and food appreciates the work of other local dude from Queens who uses humor to discuss rap, race, and food. - Associated Press

Dallas was nice enough to answer some questions we had for him:

- Does a future in which all nations have dismantled their nuclear weapons seem likely?

Nuclear weapons are washed up. Biological agents and hyper-natural weaponry leaves less damages to property. Some LRAD shit can fry your brain in a split second while a fine particulate pollutant can choke our asses to death. Nukes are sloppy like old school rappers. There was that record back in the day called Nagasaki but no one wants to hear that shit anymore.

- Where were you and what were you doing on 9/11?

I was at a job site in downtown Brooklyn at the on ramp of the Brooklyn Bridge. I didn't see the first plane go into the towers but I did see the second one. People were in a panic, running out of the office and screaming. I stood still and watched the whole time. After the towers fell I went to get my car and I drove back to my parent's crib in Baldwin where I was occupying the basement. My dad thought that the world was going to end. I was sad like I had lost a family member. Twin brothers actually.

- Are you excited for Where The Wild Things Are? Why are so many people excited for Where the Wild Things Are? Why am I excited about Where the Wild Things Are? Are black people excited for Where the Wild Things are? Speak on behalf of all of that large group of people please. (Editors Note: Been done peepted the film and thoroughly enjoyed it.)

I am excited for Where The Wild Things Are. I think anyone that is familiar with Sendak's book and favors it will be excited. I would say that percentagewise Black people are more excited than the Eskimos, asian diaspora and probably non-English speaking Latinos. But Blacks also spend more money per capita on entertaining themselves. Black people would be be excited for a remake of DW Griffith's 'Birth of a Nation' if Tyler Perry directed it.

I would prefer to see Into The Night Kitchen because its trippy and I like to get high from eating baked goods

- Do you have the standard pseudo-space mac background on your computer? If not, what's back there? If you have a laptop, do you have any stickers or decorations on it? Do they cover up the apple logo? Do you think people do that because they want to pretend to be ashamed to own a mac?

I have one of those jazzy hard shells on my Blacbook which is silly considering that I move my laptop from my desk only twice a year. Apple makes their shit to appeal to people's base elitist aspirations. The same asshats that separate their garbage are the fuxwads that are proud of the tools they own. I know a Stanley hammer will install a nail just as well as a Craftsman but we still want the product that has the cache of making us better through the relationship. I like Apple for the iMovie software and so that I can look down on other Blacks who own Dells.

- You ever fuck with flavored vodka? Not a skippable question.

Hells Chea I fux with flavored vodkas. Stoli Vanil is mah sheet. I remember being so drunk one night that I saw a bottle of Stoli Bluberi and thought that the flavor was dingleberry. It was surprisingly refreshing with tonic. I preferred the Stoli Ovary tho'. I was saddened to later find out it was only orange flavoring. Think about it, Stoli Ovary would have to blend into the best tasting Bloody Mary evar. Natch.

- I saw your Unkut interview. Ima flip the script. What are five things you REALLY like and enjoy right now?

The five things I am currently going gaga (no hermaprodite) for are Nike SB Dunks, Penn Station's Au Bon Pain sells a self-serve peach iced tea that I mix with their homemade lemonade, Sean Price aka Ruck-'Lo, Curb Your Enthusiasm and just the internets in general.

- Are you into chocolate bars or candy candy? What do you think that says about you versus the other option?

I fux with chocolate bars [pause] and candy. I don't mixes them tho'. I had a box of choco-covered gummi-bears and I shit myself. Segregate your sugars. I'm'a sweetist. Stand up Swedish. My nig.

One time we were e-mailing and you said "Middle class Blacks in the 90's were having their children kidnapped by the ideaology of lower class Blacks. We thought we needed to do dumb shit to affirm our Blackness. Not realizing that being in the skin we were in was enough for the rest of the world to hate us." - THAT HAPPENS WITH INDIANS TOO!!!! - Do you think there's less of that going on in the '00s? Do you think there's more white people being kidnapped by the ideology of lower class blacks in the '00s than the '90s? Do you think there's more white people being kidnapped by the ideology of lower class blacks than middle class blacks?

- You quoted me as saying lower class Blacks. Did I say lower class or working class? Semantics aside we do have a collective Bart Simpsonizing of young people here in our country. Mostly boys, natch. When I was coming up the smart-dumb mindset is what I aimed for. You know the difference between right and wrong and if you opt for the wrong side you accept the consequences of your choice.

Indian youth may confront similar pressures to buck conforming but the longterm repercussions remain vastly different from other people of color. The legacy of African Americans within Western culture is set up as a perpetually antagonistic position. Brown and beigish peoples will admit their non-whiteness while explicitly declaring their non-Blackness. NO ONE wants to be Black. That shit is fucked the fuck up.

At the end of the day everybody has a cross to bear when they are a youth. Kids can only break things if they aren't taught how to build things. Life is sweet architecture that you build towards the sun. Why can't I rub some sun on my face too?

What do you think Bahamadia is doing right this minute?

Breathing I'm sure. Shouts to Bahamadia, Yejide, Mz.Badu, my boo Jill Scott.

Do you know any women that listen to Black Moon?

Who doesn't like Black Moon? Who hasn't owned an Eastpak, A Jansport, a North Face, Manhattan Portage messenger bag? Any female that has grown up in NYC in 1992 loves Black Moon. For that reason alone there will be enough female fans of Black Moon.

If Hennessy did an event with Black Moon I guar-ran-tee that women will be up in that piece clapping they ass off. Literally and figuratively. (Editors Note: Really though?)

Sometimes I jokingly say "Read a blog dude". Do you think the expression will catch on as people continue to read less books and more of the internet?

I am talking to those people right now who were told to read a blog. I'm very appreciative they did that and found my voice. I would still be having discussions with myself anyhoo so I don't mind the company and the community on the internets. No matter how retarded I feel sometimes its cool to talk to someone else equally/similarly retarded. I hope more people find the good use of the internets.

Who would win in a fight: you or Dallas Austin? I say you.

Dallas Austin went through that wild arabic prison stint. I've only got a few short stays in the bookings. I've never showered in jail so he has that over me. Pause [ll] to having him over me.

Who's the most talented actor out of these five: Greg Kinnear, Wood Harris (who I always think is called Ace Woods for some reason), Mekhi Phifer, Gary Sinise, or B.D. Wong?

Gary Sinise does great character actor work as does Wood Harris. Mekhi Phifer was sublime in 'Clockers'. I knew cats who were just like his character. Greg Kinnear and BD Wong are serviceable. Pause [ll] to servicing people.

What do you order in Subway if you order in Subway?

I prefer Quizzno's bread over Subway's but Subway gives me greater beverage choices. When in Subway I always go with the turkey swiss bacon club, tomatos, baby spinach and red onions. Oh and yeah, mayo > mustard.

Do you think Hov really knows how much Swizzy's new Basquiat cost? Basquiat was a solid dood. Do you agree? Why?

I do imagine that Jay-Z knows how much Swizz Beats Basquiat costs. I think they talk about contemporary pop artists whose shit the fux with. These dudes are wild rich. What else do wild rich people have to kick it about other than the fabulous (no 'Loso) shit they acquire?

I fux with Basquiat for a piece he did called the 'Trickster'. In African mythology(where in Africa I'm not sure but the Mormons would know since they keep good records like that) the Trickster character is a guide to the future. He speaks in riddles sometimes and uses language cleverly to lead people to their fate. Fate not hardly being a bad thing natch.

I like to imagine myself as a Trickster as well. I use my weblog to post Tricksterisms. Most people run from me because they are scared to see me expose their lack of humanity. We are all so selfish and self-absorbed. I think Basquiat was genius and generous to a fault. The drugs and the company he kept was his downfall.

What are 5 dope things about Queens?

Queens is the center of New York City. I know this because I have been looking at subway maps for as long as I can read. Queens has the best food in the city from Colombian to Indian to Dominican to east Asian. Everthing. You can prA'li find anything you want from an ethnic perspective by riding on the #7 train. I love shopping in Queens. The Queens Center Mall was NYC's first foray in suburban megaplex consumerism. The Hall of Science, the Lemon Ice King, the White Castles on Northerrn Blvd in Jackson Heights, Los Metropolitanos. My great grandmas house on 112th Street. I was raised in Queens. We da' bast!

Stay tuned as tomorrow we'll have an interview with homegirl Julianne Escobedo Shepherd, Executive Editor at FADER.

Read More...

\\\\\\\ interview with the conservative: reihan salam

One of my favorite things we've done at Gordon Gartrelle was DAP's interview (and especially the followup) with Martina "the titless wonder," as Dap put it, from Will They Grow. Thus, I figured we should start interviewing hell of people. We're a popular bunch. We know people. We'll start with people who would typically be interviewed for something though I hope to eventually interview entire strangers who no one's really cared to ask questions to because we're all about equal opportunity at Gordon Gartrelle. Also, I really want to know what the dude at the bodega thinks of Greg Kinnear. Or if he misses Jon Secada. (Jon Secada if you have a google alert set up, we miss you!). On that note, myself, Kool A.D., and Bob Weisz drew up a bunch of questions. Some will be relevant. Some will be not. Who are you to tell me what's relevant anyway. I hate you guys. Why don't you just leave me alone. I can't wait until I'm finally 18 and I can leave this hell hole and this terrible town. NOBODY UNDERSTANDS ME.

okay... first up to bat is Reihan Salam:


According to Wikipedia, which doesn't lie:

Reihan Morshed Salam (born December 29, 1979 [1]) is a Bangladeshi American conservative political writer and journalist. He writes a weekly column for Forbes.com, and is a fellow at the New America Foundation. He has written for numerous publications, including the National Review, Foreign Policy, Slate, The Spectator, The Weekly Standard, and The New York Sun.^[1] He previously worked as a producer for NBC News, a junior editor at The New York Times, and a reporter for The New Republic. He co-authored Grand New Party: How Republicans Can Win the Working Class and Save the American Dream^[2] with Ross Douthat and blogs regularly at The American Scene. In June 2009 he began writing a personal blog at National Review Online, titled The Agenda.^[3]

Before we get there, a couple of other notes. I was lucky enough to have the homie Sam Han, an author and academic and good friend himself to chime in with some smarty questions for this one. + if I knew how to do a "read more" thing where you click if you care I would but I don't so just deal with it would you? And also, this interview is long. So if you're like the commenters on our holamun2.com and don't like reading "too many words, lulz" you could be out though.

Yo Reihan Salam, you ever make a sandwich and call it the Reihan Salami? (This awesome question comes courtesy of Alec aka famed rapper Despot).

It actually goes far beyond -- in high school, a debater named "J.P." also incorporated my middle name, Morshed, into the mix: my name became "Moore's Head Salami on Rye-han." "Moore's Head" is, I assume, an homage to "Boar's Head," a popular brand of sandwich meats in the Tri-State area at the time. But in fact "Morshed," my mother's first name, means "wise religious figure," or so I've been told. I believe "Reihan" means "basil," or "sweet basil," which is why one of my early rap monikers was "Sweet B.," though I ultimately settled on "Hash Brown," as I love brunch.

You recently caught some street heat for saying "Karl Rove never imagined that opposition to same-sex marriage would cement a permanent Republican majority. It was a distraction that I'm sure he found distasteful." while chatting with Sam Tanenhaus. For real man? You serious?

I think I was seriously, seriously misunderstood here. If I could write it again, I would definitely write it differently. Note that this isn't a position that's very flattering to Rove -- it suggests that he was a hypocrite who was using this position to political advantage. And I certainly shouldn't have said, "I'm sure," as I don't live inside Rove's brain and I've never met the man. I was basing this, rather carelessly, on news reports concerning his warm relationship with a gay father-figure, and I thought, "Surely he can't be a hateful goon in his personal relationships."

More to the point, I think it really is true that Bush and Rove were, when they were setting out to win the presidency and remake the country, had in mind a domestic policy agenda focused on spreading asset ownership -- Social Security reform, encouraging low-income families to buy homes, etc. It turns out that almost all of these ideas were actually pretty bad ideas, at least in the form that Bush and Rove had in mind. But that doesn't change the fact that they cared about those issues far more than "social issues." (The scare quotes are there because I think a lot of "economic issues" are in fact "social issues.")

The main thing is this: people who seek elected office convince themselves that they must win. So Republicans in 2004 convinced themselves that if they didn't win, civilization was doomed! And of course that's probably not true, as civilization is pretty resilient. This apocalyptic perspective is pervasive among liberals and conservatives and all people with the leisure time to think about this stuff rather than eke out a meager living as indentured brick-layers.

What do you think of Obama winning the nobel peace prize?

I think it was incredibly strange and a definite lost opportunity, as there are a lot of causes and people who would've benefited from the attention more. I also don't think it's ultimately that big a deal.

Over the last few months, I've really tried to give the president the benefit of the doubt. I really liked and admired him from as far back as 2000, when I read about his race against Bobby Rush. He's clearly a tremendously smart guy, and there's a gut-level at which I want him to do well, not least because I'm 29 and I don't want to spend my middle-aged years in a burned-out retread of the 1970s, complete with Fort Apache-style urban devastation. And there's another thing. As atavistic and crazy as it sounds, I think of myself as an "ethnic" and I'm happy when "ethnic" people do well. Like a lot of people, I see Obama as reflecting the dramatic post-1965 demographic transformation of this country. This hasn't all been a totally peaceful and lovely process, but it has been remarkable and consequential in the world-historical sense. V.S. Naipaul -- who I have a lot of issues with -- described the postwar migration from South-to-North as the most significant development of its kind since what he called "the peopling of the Americas." On a symbolic level alone, Obama's election was huge and inspiring.

That said, I'm not very happy about how his presidency has gone so far. Because I'm clearly right of center, I get that some people will see this as crocodile tears. My hope was that Obama would be a truth-teller, and my sense is that he's a politician. Which is fair enough. As far as I know, we haven't had a truth-teller in office since Carter, and Carter was also an ineffectual, self-righteous blowhard who could be extremely cynical when he needed to be. And the "truth" that Carter told was built on a lot of faulty, narrow premises.

Do I think that McCain would have done a better job? What was most shocking to me about the 2008 presidential election is that I don't think that any of the four major-party candidates -- for P and VP -- had the judgment and experience necessary to do the job well. Being a governor is not sufficient experience, as demonstrated by GWB -- who was a governor in a weak-governor state -- but it certainly helps. Obama ran his campaign extremely well, yet that's a very different kind of gig. Basically, I worry that America is ungovernable. It's not a Democrat vs. Republican thing. The system is deeply dysfunctional, and Republicans have a lot to answer for.

Who had the better Katie Couric interview, Lil Wayne or Mahmoud Ahmadinejad? Is Lil Wayne really the best rapper alive?

This is an extremely difficult question as I see both men as very similar figures: both are, like yours truly, extremely physically tiny dudes. This is also true of Vladimir Putin and Nicolas Sarkozy. Putin in particular seems like a bastard, yet he's also insanely witty and charmingly devious, and his strategic sense is so far beyond any other major world leader that it's almost pathetic. And Sarkozy is, for all his flaws, including extreme hypocrisy, just an amazing Nixonian dude, clearly a force of nature.

So Ahmadinejad, in a similar vein, strikes me as deranged and flawed for reasons that are presumably rooted in personal history and psychology. Yet he's also a wild man in this amazing way that you don't see a lot of on the international stage. Does it help his deeply wrongheaded cause? Probably not. But it's impossible not to admire his savoir-faire.

The fact that Lil Wayne fathered Lauren London's child is just incredible to me. She was excellent in Good Hair -- very charming. And he had a child at 14, after attending a gifted-and-talented elementary school. Who is this man? I was in a gifted-and-talented class in elementary school and to this day I have no children, acknowledged or unacknowledged. I wouldn't say that fathering children out of wedlock is admirable. I do think, however, that Lil Wayne is operating on a different level -- he's kind of a Nietzschean figure who has managed to bend reality to his own purposes. I can imagine him sucking all of the carbon from the atmosphere through an enormous glass pipe and then smoking it out of existence.

Which is a long way of saying that Lil Wayne really is the best rapper alive. Also, he had the better interview.

What kind of conservative do you consider yourself to be? What intellectual tradition of conservatism do you position yourself, if at all?

The boundaries between the various traditions are, by nature, extremely ill-defined. I definitely identify with a lot of the 1970s-era neoconservatives like Irving Kristol, who embraced certain aspects of the welfare state while also emphasizing the limits of what planners and governments can realistically achieve. Kristol was a great admirer of Jane Jacobs, who led the fight against Robert Moses's various efforts to raze old neighborhoods in New York city in the name of "rational urban planning," in the process obliterating flourishing institutions that were hard to discern from a planner's-eye-view.

I'm a deep believer in the power of bottom-up institutions that are controlled by families and individuals. I worry about sapping authority from ordinary people because I think it undermines our capacity to experiment and to create new and better solutions to social problems. I definitely think the state can and should help give people the tools they need to improve their lives -- and sometimes this just means the state can tax some people and give other people money. But again, we have to have a clear sense of what governments can and can't do well.

In this regard, I'm definitely a great admirer of Hayek, who was a believer in the power of decentralized approaches to achieving social goals. That's not to say that I'm a doctrinaire libertarian. I recognize that, for better or for worse, richer societies demand more in the way of social protections -- actually, Hayek understood this too, and he noted that the basic social minimum guaranteed by the state would vary across societies according to overall wealth and thus overall expectations.

People think of neocons and libertarians as very much at odds, not least because the former are very interested in the idea of promoting "virtue," in a non-sectarian way. While I think that neoconservatives have taken lots of wrong turns -- if we can even talk about this as a coherent category outside of foreign policy -- I tend to think of the 1970s-era folks as social policy realists.

How do you reconcile this belief in bottom-up institutions and the fact that Kristol and other neo-cons' main means of growth were not "bottom-up" institutions at all but magazines like Public Interest or Buckley's National Interest? I guess the more interesting question is how do you see the tenuous relationship (which those of us on the left would consider a fundamental contradiction) in American conservative thought between populism (Buckley's famous Harvard vs. Boston phone book line) and the conservative cathexis on elitism(economic and otherwise)?

I guess I disagree with you on what is meant by "bottom-up." I'm lifting the idea from my friend Tim Lee. The following is a quote from him:

// The last couple of decades have brought us the dominance of the open Internet, the increasing success of free software, and the emergence of the free culture movement as an important social and political force. More generally, Silicon Valley is a place with extremely low barriers to entry, a culture of liberal information sharing, and a respect for the power of individual entrepreneurs. Conversely, I think many of the world’s problems can be traced to the actions of institutions that are too large, too powerful, and too out of touch with the people over whom they exercise authority. I’m an unapologetic advocate for a bottom-up agenda that seeks to make these entrenched incumbents more accountable, more subject to competition, and ultimately less powerful.//

There was no centralized authority that decided that people would read The Public Interest or National Review. Both magazines had fairly small circulations for most of their existence and both received support from small foundations and private individuals. Most of these little magazines fail, even those that are very well-funded. But these magazines found devoted audiences and, in different ways, flourished.

I actually don't think of myself as beholden to a "conservative traditon" or a "liberal tradition" or a "Marxist tradition," because any rich intellectual strain is going to be contradictory. We choose a certain identification because it imparts some very crude and basic information about what we value, etc. I describe myself as an "Asian American" because I see value in the totally synthetic panethnic creation of a bunch of Census bureaucrats -- it's a potential basis for organizing, and for thinking about ghettos and enclaves, the distinction between diasporas and "assimilable" minorities and a lot else. Also, it's because I grew up in an environment that was hyperattuned to ethnicity, and I liked the idea of being part of a coalition defined by experience rather than by language or culture per se. I describe myself as a "conservative" because I think that the libertarian right is more sensitive to the dangers of an excessively centralized political order. Many on the left object that they seek to undermine centralized economic power, and that's a fair point -- yet "managing" the process of distributing economic power more evenly is fraught with danger, as it assigns tremendous authority to the managers. This is one reason why I see a lot of value in paradigmatic or philosophical anarchism -- I'm interested in how we can prevent elites from calcifying and entrenching themselves.

So when you describe conservative elitism, I find the observation a little beside the point. In intellectual inquiry, some degree of "elitism" is inescapable. We ask, "Can the subaltern speak?" -- but it is Guha or Spivak who is asking the question. "Bottom-upness" isn't about being a Chavista. It's a broad model about how to make institutions more resilient and how to activate the senses.

So Kristol and Hayek, you mentioned. Who else are you a reader of? Any non-conservatives? (And no, Daniel Bell or Irving Howe, do not count!)

I try to read a lot. Deeply influential on my way of looking at the world? This is a far from exhaustive mish-mash of old favorites and new jams, and also some friends. I don't agree with all of these people on every particular issue, obviously. Conservatives and non-conservatives are mixed together.

Ed Glaeser, Andrei Shleifer, James C. Scott, Jeremy Waldron, Amar Bhide, Keith Joseph, David Graeber, J. M. Coetzee, John Robb, Roger Waldinger, Yasheng Huang, Roberto Unger, Jane Jacobs, Jan-Werner Muller, Brian Barry, Jacob Levy, Matthias Risse, Lula, Kevin Murphy, Neil Gilbert, Katherine Newman, Luigi Zingales, Aaron Wildavsky, Milton Friedman, Randall Collins, James Burnham, Aijaz Ahmad, Mark Kleiman, Fred Kagan, William Wohlforth, Ferdinand Mount, Oliver Letwin, Peter Schuck, Yochai Benkler, Clayton Christensen, Perry and Benedict Anderson, Christopher Caldwell. I think of Andrew Sullivan and David Brooks as mentors. Ross Douthat is a close friend and collaborator, and I think we've shaped each other's thinking in a lot of ways. Jesse Shapiro, an economist at the Booth School, has been a tremendous source of insight since we were at Stuyvesant together. There are lots of people at the New America Foundation who've had a big influence on me as well. Among bloggers, I identify very closely with Tyler Cowen. I like his discursive style and I share his highly fragmented/granular framework, and the way he collapses the economic into the social into the cultural.

What was the last movie you cried while watching?

Damn. I watch movies constantly, and I'll even come close to crying during trailers. I remember that when I was in high school, I cried during House Party 2 because Kid and Play had a misunderstanding that was destroying their friendship. But more recently, probably the 2008 film I've Loved You So Long, which I just saw a few weeks ago. That was really sad, dude.

Have you ever been fully or subconsciously convinced to buy something directly from it showing up on a commercial, despite you not wanting to feel like you've been tricked? This happens to Gordon Gartrelle contributor Bob Weisz with Taco Bell ads a lot.

Yes. The ShamWow. Possibly the most awful product I've ever purchased. And I actually asked for it for my birthday.

What do you think of Hugo Chavez?

He's a clown. Unfortunately, he's a clown who is destroying a beautiful country full of people who deserve better. I certainly don't think we should play into his hands by pretending that he is of serious consequence to us. On the other hand, millions of lives are at stake when he bullies his opponents, expropriates wealth to give to his friends -- with a cut going to the slumdwellers he's supposedly fighting for. That same megalomania exists in almost all people who want power, but in other societies they are restrained by countervailing institutions and a sense of shame. Chavez doesn't have to deal with either. He's a goon.

Have you seen those european half-packs of cigarettes with only 10 in them? Why hasn't that caught on in america? or even mega-packs with like 40 cigarettes in them?

I'm not sure -- maybe it's a regulatory issue? That seems unlikely. I would like to see more varied packaging. At McDonald's, you can buy the 4-piece or the 6-piece. While it's true that two orders of the 4-piece are cheaper than one 6-piece, sometimes you really want exactly 6-pieces. And that should be okay. Portion control is important.

You are critical of the republican party. Summarize your criticisms.

This will take too long. I'll say something slightly different: a lot of the conservative types who also have criticisms of the Republican party fall into a trap of hectoring and condescending to people, which is a mistake. I think that the Republican consensus on fiscal policy is wrongheaded. But I don't think that's because people who disagree with me are stupid or dishonest or corrupt. It's an honest disagreement, and you have to try to persuade people through arguments rather than sneering at them. The same goes for dealing with people "on the other side."

My basic criticisms of the Republicans also apply to the Democrats: too short-sighted. Yet Democrats have the advantage of knowing that they have to be a big-tent coalition to win. Republicans don't always get that -- they tend to want to boot out dissidents for being disloyal.

Why don't more conservatives listen to good music?

I reject the premise of the question! For example, I think Taylor Swift makes excellent music. It's not exactly my cup of tea, but I can certainly listen to it on a long drive and get into it. And lots of conservatives listen to Taylor Swift.

Editor's note: yo I love Taylor Swift.

Another question is why don't conservatives listen to the music that I listen to, and I think that has more to do with me: I really like a few genres that evolved out of "alternative" music circa the 1980s and 1990s, when my older sisters were going to Stuyvesant. So they turned me on to The Smiths and Kate Bush and PJ Harvey, and later to the Beastie Boys and trip-hop music and The Pharcyde, etc. This broad sensibility had a lot to do with being an aspirational middle class kid living in the outer boroughs, I suspect. My sisters picked up their accents from PBS, and latched on to really random stuff, like the movie A Room with a View and the actor Isabella Rosellini. They had a Europhilic, and more specifically Germanophilic, sensibility that shaped their approach to cultural and creating a pastiche identity. Unsurprisingly, they embraced a lot of political assumptions that generally go with those aesthetic instincts. I took a slight detour.

How excited were you to get the fuck out of Cornell and transfer to Harvard? (Editor's note: this has more to do with my own hatred for Cornell and specifically the kids from my (and Reihan's) high school who went there).

My first year at Cornell was in some respects the most intellectually rewarding year of my undergraduate career. I spent a lot of time in the library, reading biographies of Walter Reuther and weird intellectual histories written in the 1940s and 1950s, and I got really into the idea of "racial" discourse in China and ethnographic ordering, etc. At the same time, my only friends were an Israeli academic in his 40s, a Belgian poet in her 60s, and a bunch of very jaded seniors and grad students, who tended not to be very happy to be in Ithaca. I thought to myself, "if all of the cool people I know are cranky and depressed, I need to escape." And the truth is that there were a lot of cool and well-adjusted kids at Cornell -- I just didn't get to know them. My guess is that a lot of them were in different scenes that I would have found intimidating. Because I had a lot of friends at Stuyvesant, I figured, "This isn't me, it's the place."

Transferring to Harvard was a tremendously lucky break. My three best friends went there, and that was the main reason I badly wanted to go. I actually hadn't applied when I was in high school, in part because it seemed square and, more to the point, because it seemed unimaginable that they'd accept me, given my checkered academic past. I'm very grateful to the person who decided to give me a shot -- I have no idea who it was. I made a huge number of friends, mainly in the theater/arts/literary universe. I felt very much at home. That said, people were still socially weird, and the experience might have arrested my social development in a lot of ways. That's okay, though.

What's your opinion of Piyush Jindal?

I think he is amazingly smart and dedicated, and I get the impression that he is an incredibly good governor.

On a totally separate note, I would be really excited if a South Asian American who was an observant Hindu, Muslim, or Sikh, or who was nonobservant or secular, could build a similar national profile. Nikki Haley, a serious SA candidate for the Republican gubernatorial nomination in South Carolina, also converted to Christianity. Which is great! But I think seeing someone from a religious minority break through would be cool.

Did you like 808s and Heartbreak when it came out? Did you change your mind later?

I have a serious problem with dropping things when they blow up. I'll be into a band, and then other people will start Tweeting about in 6-7 months and I'll feel long since over it and slightly judgmental. This is pathological, and I've been trying to fight it, e.g., I've been revisiting Chairlift despite their popularity after seeing them perform in D.C. The problem with the "I stopped listening to them when they blew up" mentality is that if often punishes real talent, and it has more to do with signaling to other people -- "I'm in the know," etc. -- than with the pleasure of listening to stimulating sounds.

All this is to say that I was reluctant to really get into 808s and Heartbreak when it came it and still haven't given it an adequate listen, and I probably never will. I did buy it, however, in the interests of completism.

There are exceptions, incidentally: there are bands I like so much that I'm indifferent to their blowing-up-ness, and of course there are bands that have transcended such categories. I still listen to the Why? album from last year a lot. I listen to the new one far less. What I really want to listen to, incidentally, is a Das Racist LP.

How do you reconcile this simultaneous appreciation of Why? and Das Racist? I mean... Anticon!?!?!

I'm pretty ecumenical. As I write this, I've been listening to Xiu Xiu, Can Ox, and Frankie Valli. My all-time favorite musicians are Arthur Russell and Supersystem, who are pretty damn different from each other.

Where do you see the GOP going in the next ten years?

Well, I see them doing well in 2010, because the midterm electorate is older and whiter than in presidential years, badly in 2012, and then having four years to figure things out. I'm not sure how the figuring things out part will go. In 2019, the United States will either be in the middle of an insane nanotechnology boom that solves all of our problems, or smart kids like yourself will be emigrating to Argentina or Singapore to get awesome jobs and raise families.

I reckon you don't believe the world will end in 2012? Are you excited about the film 2012?

Yes! I have an unhealthily high level of interest in all post-apocalyptic scenarios -- with the possible exception of The Road.

Also, do you hella like nuclear weapons?

Sort of. I think its possible that the US has too large a nuclear stockpile. Some have argued that we risk endangering the nuclear stalemate by virtue of building, by default, a credible first-strike capability.

I also think that there is a coherent case for what Kenneth Waltz called "horizontal nuclear proliferation," that is the spread of nuclear weapons to more states. The argument is that this encourages "nuclear stability" via deterrence, and it's been made by John Mearsheimer among others.. Some argue that a nuclear Iran would thus not be a grave danger. I'm not so sure about the Iranian case, as we'd likely see security competitions emerge and further horizontal proliferation that would divert valuable resources and (of course) increase the risk of nuclear materials falling into the wrong hands. Very honestly, I'm not certain about how to weigh these different risks. My instinct is that an Iranian bomb is materially different from an Indian bomb or a Japanese bomb.

Perry Anderson had a clever argument about this that was strongly pro-proliferation. I don't agree, but he's always smart.

Perry Anderson? Will they take away your conservative card for reading Benedict's brother?

I think conservatives are generally pretty into reading. I was also a big Gramsci fan, but I was ultimately down with Hayek.

Awesome. Good lookin out Reihan.

AIGHT PEOPLE - expect more interviews soon with some more interesting folks! For real.

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