BOOBTUBE: RIP DIO

to celebrate youtube's 5th birfday, the laser's 50th birfday, and ronnie james dio's 1st deathday, here's something that combines all three:

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MISTER WONDER!!!

No words.

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From THE ANNALS OF THE FLINTERNET...The Most Poorly Designed Glass

I'm just going to keep writing stuff until you fuckers jump in and stop me. So here goes...

In modern mixology, there are only a few types of commonly used glasses. The Colling glass, named after the retro-cocktail the Tom Collins, is the tallish, normal-sized glass you'd get something like a gin & tonic or a Jack & Coke in. Most highballs are served in a Collins glass.

Then there's the Old Fashioned glass. This is the shorter and wider version of the Collins glass. If you order something like a screwdriver or a rusty nail, it'll probably come in one one of these stocky glasses. Most lowballs are served in an Old Fashioned Glass.

And then there are of course all sorts of specialty glasses such as brandy snifters, champagne flutes, shot glasses, and small rocks glasses for top-shelf liquors. But one of the most commonly used and, in my opinion, poorly designed glasses is the cocktail glass, also known as the martini glass.

This ubiquitous glass was designed expressly to do two things: get people wasted and ensure that they spill their drinks all over the place. I mean, if you get a martini, which is basically 3 shots of gin or vodka in a glass, you're trying to go from zero to sixty in 20 minutes or less. Add to this the top-heavy design of the glass, accompanied by the slim stem and narrow base, and you have disaster lurking in the shadows!

"Build a better mousetrap...", they say. So, people with design sensibilities, make us a better martini glass quick. These old ones are doing nothing but causing tipsy cougars to drench their paisley blouses. Bad scene.

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FROM THE ANNALS OF THE FLINTERNET...Rock Stars and the Occult!

A'ight, homies. I see how it is. I guess GG has become uncool and I'm the last to find out. But whatever, cause I still got shit to write about. And here's some of that shit...

So occult themes have been a major part of music since time immemorial. And certain contemporary musical genres put heavy emphasis on the subject (I'm thinking Black Metal bands and wimpy but rad gothy groups like the Cocteau Twins and the Cure, and Morrisey was way occulty. Also, think of folks like Skip James and Screamin' Jay Hawkins and Ozzy and Alice Cooper. All super into the devil). But there are three individuals in rock history who stand out as true students of the occult, in both a personal and academic sense.

Reg Presley - Lead Singer of the Troggs

His weird fascination - Crop Circles and Monatomic Gold (Alchemical White Gold)

Here is what Reg Presley looks like when he's rocking hard:

And here's where you click for a PDF of Reg Presley's free ENTIRE FUCKING BOOK on his inquiries into monatomic gold. It's an entertaining read. Reg's grammar is a tad lacking, and I'm not sold on the powers of white gold (if the substance even exists), but his enthusiasm makes up for it. And its just nice to see that someone out there is using their rockstar fortune to fund a pursuit into a super-specific and weird but also pretty fascinating endeavor. Reg Presley, you are cool.

Ed Sanders - 1/2 of the creative force behind the Fugs

Odd Fascination - The Tate-LaBianca Murders (The Manson Family Helter Skelter Shitshow)

I fucking love the Fugs. Look at how great they are:

Spoiler Alert: at minute 2:00 some shirtless shit goes down hard.

And here's that same dude's book about the Manson Family murders. Far out, no?

And, of course, there's good ol'...

Jimmy Page - Fucking Guitar Ninja of Led Zeppelin, a totally epic dude

Nutso About - Motherfucking Aleister Crowley!

First check out Page fucking SLAY Dazed and Confused back in '69

Make sure to stay tuned for the gnar-as-shit fiddle-bow-on-the-old-axe solo at minute 3:00ish. Then, at 4:40ish, the true shredding commences. And how fucking cool are Bonham and Plant!? And then there's good old Jonsey, the shy yet brilliant lad in the shadows. Can't we all relate to John Paul Jones just a little bit?

But, when not melting faces with his lightening fingers, Jimmy Page was WAYYYYYY into Victorian-era occult mega-star/perveroo Aleister Crowley. Here's his wiki. If you don't know about his shenanigans, I recommend that you read it. He was a real one-of-a-kind kinda guy, and very influential in early 20th Century western occultism (L. Ron Hubbard was a HUGE fan, btw). So not only does Jimmy Page buy Crowley's cloak at auction and start wearing it while recreating Crowley's Satanic sex rituals, he buys the guy's mansion!

Boleskine House, an 18th Century estate on the shore of Scotland's Lock Ness, was purchased by Crowley in 1899, at the height of the Hermetic Order of the Golden Dawn. Look at this silly picture of Crowley:

So Page buys this dead sex-magician's dilapidated house, fixes it up, and Zeppelin spend a bunch of time there recording tunes, doing drugs, and effing babes. Good call, Jimmy Page.

That's it. Rock stars. Occult. Nuff said.

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