From THE ANNALS OF THE FLINTERNET...The Most Poorly Designed Glass

I'm just going to keep writing stuff until you fuckers jump in and stop me. So here goes...

In modern mixology, there are only a few types of commonly used glasses. The Colling glass, named after the retro-cocktail the Tom Collins, is the tallish, normal-sized glass you'd get something like a gin & tonic or a Jack & Coke in. Most highballs are served in a Collins glass.

Then there's the Old Fashioned glass. This is the shorter and wider version of the Collins glass. If you order something like a screwdriver or a rusty nail, it'll probably come in one one of these stocky glasses. Most lowballs are served in an Old Fashioned Glass.

And then there are of course all sorts of specialty glasses such as brandy snifters, champagne flutes, shot glasses, and small rocks glasses for top-shelf liquors. But one of the most commonly used and, in my opinion, poorly designed glasses is the cocktail glass, also known as the martini glass.

This ubiquitous glass was designed expressly to do two things: get people wasted and ensure that they spill their drinks all over the place. I mean, if you get a martini, which is basically 3 shots of gin or vodka in a glass, you're trying to go from zero to sixty in 20 minutes or less. Add to this the top-heavy design of the glass, accompanied by the slim stem and narrow base, and you have disaster lurking in the shadows!

"Build a better mousetrap...", they say. So, people with design sensibilities, make us a better martini glass quick. These old ones are doing nothing but causing tipsy cougars to drench their paisley blouses. Bad scene.