From the Annals of the Flinternet...ROBO-GROUSE

This clip shows the male Greater Sage-Grouse, a bird native to North America, making a display in an attempt to attract mates. This species of game bird is noted for its bizarre sexual dimorphism, and the male's mating ritual is a prime example of this. The act involves him puffing up sacks on his chest and making a warbling sound. He looks like an asshole.



But don't worry. Scientists are on the case. They have created a robot grouse babe to film these ponces and their moob dance in order to, one can only assume, later embarrass or bribe the male grouses (grice?). Here is a glimpse of the mechanical grouse impostor/hussy, along with some of the footage she captured. Check out the super realistic looking robo-grouse head moving action around minute 1:20:



This looks like the intro to the best snuff film ever!

Also, what's a lek?

Also, grice aretarded.

Read More...

CF Edley jump the beautiful lovesong and Sam Cooke covers

I hope everyone's getting hardup wet for Minorityfest 2009. Here in rainy California I like the internet. And some beautiful tracks come across on yotub. I guess without further ado:

So I don't really know about Carl Graves, or this track, Baby Hang Up The Phone, but I like to think of the intro looped, it would be a bonk junks intro beat for Das Racisdini, the upcoming companion release to Ghost's newest effort:


Moreover, it carries this post into reggae territory. It's almost inevitable that a lambsbreath-blind rhythm section and slightly off-key melodic interpretation will take an American track and give it some soul-scouring dysentery. Lloyd Parks' version does just that:

And ends with a couple minutes of silence. Which is always a hot internet move.

This one by Carlton & The Shoes, which is an amazing accidental typo name (Originally Carlton & The Shades), is kinda my new swervy fave. It really gets really amazing, in large part from the backing vocals by doods who later formed The Abbysinians, seminal vocal group. But this is a real swoony kinda sad song. Get in past your junk and stare out to sea:


I know this is a lot of stuff. But I gotta keep going.
These Ken Parker Sam Cooke covers are terrible hot. Especially the second, Change Gonna Come. His vocals are devastating. Sliding high notes so lovely. And the first cover, I'm pretty much in love with his voice and the really really lazy drumming. Slurp up the sound quality:


Ooooooofff in the nutz:


Bonk junks

Read More...

JERSEY SHORE RULES

Hitting broads does not rule. Gordon Gartrelle does not support hitting broads. Gordon Gartrelle does support GIFs. What's that? You want to know what else we support? We support watching this YouTube on repeat:

SHE'S FEELING IT, Y'ALL.

Read More...

A VISIT FROM DAP: PAUL STANLEY BERATING A MAN

Paul Stanley yells at some dude with a laser pointer. He calls him a shmuck and also tells him to "put it in your pocket, or I'll put it up your ass." After berating this dude, he starts using his rock voice again, then switches back for another round. During MOVIE NIGHT© this week we watched Decline of Western Civilization 2, which featured Paul Stanley on a gigantic bed surrounded by fly women. Paul Stanley seems like a huge asshole. I hate Paul Stanley.

Read More...

BOOBTUBE: MILKERTAINMENT

i sorta promised myself i wouldn't post any more of everythingisterrible's findings becuase they're too good at what they do for me to try and claim it as my own finding, but this shit too is fucking ridic to not blast further into tubespace:



UPDATE: while i'm at, they also just posted this, which is definitely another heavyweight contender for most ridic shit ever:

Read More...

A VISIT FROM DAP: LOCKED IN

I just had a dream I was in a huge Walmart-like structure with a couple of hippies in this small annex section when a garage door-like structure closed behind us and locked us in. There was a strange dream-montage that followed that indicated that a maniac who worked in the store locked us all in for thirty years. He would slip us food and newspapers and occasionally other things but we never left the room. The montage ended with the day that the door was finally opened. Everybody looked pretty much the same thirty years later except some people weren't wearing the hippie clothes anymore. There was press everywhere and we started talking to people about how awful it was. I remember I started crying but then started eating samosas from an oven in a small kitchen with a filthy, sticky floor. At one point I started arguing with the guy who locked us in, but I wasn't really very angry. I threw a plastic cup filled with ketchup at him but he knocked it back and it landed on the ugly blue velvet hippie shirt I was wearing. I ran back into the kitchen and lay on the floor in the fetal position, right before I woke up.

Read More...

RODAN657'S INTERVIEW ABOUT HEADSCARVES

Awhile back I discovered an awesome web site that fanatically cataloged magazine, television and movie stills of women wearing scarves on their heads ("Celebrating the beauty and allure of the headscarved woman"). Blown away, I decided to contact the site's owner for an interview and after a drawn-out back and forth exchange, here it is!


It says on your website "I had developed quite a fascination with women wearing headscarves, mainly as a result of dating several girls who were into "the look". Where do you live? Why do you think you initially met so many girls who were into "the look'?

I live in Geneva, Switzerland. It gets a bit cold and windy here during autumn, winter and early spring. A lot of women of all ages cover their heads in various ways. Back when I was in high school, however, a very pretty girl in our class started wearing a classic-tied headscarf during the winter, and the most popular girl loved the look and adopted it. Before you would know it, we had most of the girls in our school in a Classic or a Kelly, and each and every one of them tried to have their own individual style.

What exactly is it about scarves that attract you so much to them?

The women wearing them. ;) Seriously, I wish I'd know, probably it has to do with the girls I dated! A friend of mine loves women with glasses, for instance. It may have something to do about the scarf framing the face, and actually adding to the woman's beauty. Then it's mainly collector fever: I like to collect pictures and share them.

Do you find women wearing scarves around their neck attractive, or does this not really appeal to you in the same way?

I find all women attractive, with my wife at the top. ;) Anyway, it's another thing.

Who are some of your favorite celebrities who wear the headscarf frequently? what are some of your favorite films/television shows that have featured the headscarf?

That's a tough one. I always think of Audrey Hepburn first, my favourite actress of all time, who wore it so naturally. Among the contemporary celebrities there's of course Alicia Keys with her beautiful rear ties and occasional Kelly, and Anna Friel who wore some great wraps in the show "Pushing Daisies". Alas, that one has been cancelled. Friel is just lovely. Madonna has always been a great headscarf wearer, of course. So is Jennifer Lopez.

As for films and so on, that's even tougher. I sometimes joke that "Great Balls of Fire" was great fun, but the real good reason to have it among your DVDs is Winona Ryder in a Kelly headscarf! Lisa Blount is great as well, but Winona gets the longer and better scenes. Period movies and TV shows of course are often great occasions to see an actress in a nice wrap. The new Marple series for instance, we've had Sophia Myles and Saffron Burrows for instance. I'm still waiting for "Mad Men" to get their ladies into some silk.

Read More...

BOOBTUBE: OH SNAP

now it's definite that people our age are in charge.

UPDATE: THAT'S NOT THE VIDEO I MEANT TO EMBED BUT IT'S GOOD SO I'LL LEAVE IT THERE AIIIGHT? HERE'S THE SNAP:



i'll say it again: now it's definite that people our age are in charge.

Read More...

cf edley takes a long time

So I'm gonna be quick here, and just post two real hot cuts that are making me feel allright allright.
The first is a Paradise Garage joint by some crew called Class Action, and it's the mix by the dood Lerry Levan who made all the hottest music. According to the wik he died in a "real pile" of drag queen bodyguards, which is awesome. This particular cut is my new favorite. I really strongly very much do encourage a docile/spastic 8min listen, cuz new stuff happens all the time, like the fucking outrageously hot synth line at 1:30, and it really takes some grooving to to realize that this is a minimalist geniuspiece. Actually, if you don't have 8 minutes for this song you can go to hell. Enjoy it with cocaine on your genitals:


The second cut is also a Lerry Levan touch. This one by the NYC Peech Boys, who were hot shit while I was still dead. But if I could dance before life it would be to a cut like this:


And now I decides to toss in a real dirt heavy old dub from Joe Gibbs, cuz Gibbs are the real genius, and he have the style I love and respect:


Massive love to all wonderers. No jacket required. Full effect
-cfe

Read More...

From the Annals of the Flinternet...ROCK STAR SEX

Remember when pilot Chesley "Sully" Sullenberger III crash landed a US Airways flight into the Hudson River back in January? Well his boner certainly remembers, because that's the day when he and his wife started banging like jack hammers.



This is what Sully and his wife look like. They have way better sex than you do.



In a recent interview with Matt Lauer, Sully and his wife bragged about how being a national hero makes lie-down hugs much more fun.



I once backed my mom's Jetta into a dude in a crosswalk. I should at least get an HJ.

Read More...

\\\\\\\\ that christian side-hug

The day after running a piece on the toll texting may be taking on teenagers the NY Times outdid themselves and ran my favorite piece on teenagers that was printed between May 26 and May 27, 2009. Entitled "For Teenagers, Hello Means 'How About a Hug?'", it was a piece exposing the teenage phenomenon of HUGGING. Let's take a look inside teen hugging:

"There’s the shake and lean; the hug from behind; and, the newest addition, the triple — any combination of three girls and boys hugging at once.

'We’re not afraid, we just get in and hug,' said Danny Schneider, a junior at the school, where hallway hugging began shortly after 7 a.m. on a recent morning as students arrived. 'The guy friends, we don’t care. You just get right in there and jump in.'"

Pause little dunny.

Actually, check out the NBC Reno news video on this Times page about HUG High. Scroll down a little: http://www.nytimes.com/2009/05/28/style/28hugs.html.

Now, several months later....

It took Jesus a while but here he is with his rebuttal (as spoken through the mouths of rapping teenagers) to those left-wing commie godless liberals and their geigh hugging: The Christian Side Hug. Shoutout @jonahweiner for the tip:

In other news SFJ had a point but he jumped the gun as periodization is a dicey thing. It wasn't until this song was written and performed that hip-hop died. Good evening America.

Read More...

A VISIT FROM DAP: SMART SIPS MILK AD FREAKED ME OUT

I was flipping through an issue of Redbook which was terrifying in it's own right before I stumbled across this awful ad for Gerber Smart Sips (fortified milk for hot, hot babies). I find this man-cow unbelievably terrifying and couldn't continue reading the magazine. Maybe it's just me. Someone ought to Photoshop this thing into some movie posters. I'll sleep on the winner's couch.

Read More...

BOOBTUBE: RUBE GOLDBERG HATES YOUR NUTS

hipped to this by former interviewees Everything Is Terrible who were in turn hipped by crap-scavenger Chris Ward, here's the next mile marker on Bored Suburban Kids Expressway:

Read More...

A VISIT FROM AUNT BOOB: I VISIT SOMEONE ELSE'S DREAMS

since i've been having nothing but physically debilitating dreams lately, i haven't been privy to posting my nocturnalisms as much, but here's a pretty dope one my friend had (is this against the rules?), which she sent via text after visiting me in new orleans:

"I just had a dream that i ws at ur new hs and it was a lake hs on a swamp n u lived w 2 frat guys n the viscious killer lady from the comic im reading. then we went to the beach n jumped into a giant plastic tub filled w wheat grains n stomped them into corn mash to make moonshine. like grapes."

suffice to say, that's a pretty accurate description of what my life is like.

Read More...

BEN GLANT IS STEAMING ARTICHOKES

I went to get a new phone (Blackberry, shit is dope) and found some AT&T in-store magazine. In an article meant to explain to old people how to use Facebook I found this incredibly infuriating picture of a made-up dude named Ben Glant and his supposed Facebook page. Does this make anyone else incredibly angry? FUCK THIS DUDE!

Also, atypicalmodernist? NICE TRY AY TEE 'N' TEE!

Read More...

A VISIT FROM DAP: COMPETING KALASHNIKOV VODKAS

I was watching Stephen Colbert the other day (the dude, not the show) and he had a segment (that he acted out in his back yard for some reason, weird) about Mikhail Kalashnikov. Towards the end there was a photo of some vodka in an AK-47 shaped bottle that piqued my interest for whatever reason. I looked it up and lo and behold, two completely different vodkas both claiming to be endorsed by the K-man. Maybe they boith are? Also, make sure to check out their competing URLs www.kalashnikovvodka.com and www.vodkakalashnikov.com. NOW THAT'S A SPICY MEATBALL, AM I RIGHT?

The non-gun shaped vodka is also associated with something called the Nikita Girls, which seems like some sort of Russian whore service in the UK. "If you want to contact us for an evening of Russian fun..." What does that mean? No fun? OTC Prescription-strength drugs?

Read More...