Gordon Gartrelle - A BLOG

Thursday, July 9, 2009

A VISIT FROM DAP: Hausu + Coors Light Ad

Hausu is a 1977 flick from the homie Nobuhiko Obayashi. It is AMAZING. There's not like, 30 seconds that goes by without some inventive visual shit going on. And I don't usually even give a shit about artsy things like that! Check out this absolutely amazing two and a half minute sequence of blood-spewing cats, a violent lampshade and shrieking Japanese ladies. Or just come kick it with me on a Tuesday, I got the same shit going on.

This is a little snippet I uploaded the other day from a Stretch and Bobbito show from the mid-90s (1996?). It's one of those "urban ads" with R & B singing. The lyrics are the same 4 words repeated over and over. I've always thought targeted advertising was the worst on some 'THIS IS WHAT YOU THINK OF MY PEOPLE?' type-shit. This isn't THAT bad, but it's still funny cause they tried pretty hard to make it sound like a genuine (generic) mid-90s R & B song.

Stretch Armstrong talking about playing "violent music" on his show back in the day:
"This may sound funny coming from someone who played a lot of the hardest and most brutal music, and I suppose it was a way for me to be rebellious, but it was also always done in context, with a lot of sarcasm and ridicule We would regularly clown the thuggish attitude on the air, even over records, exclaiming "huh hah" or "urrrragh!", making fun of tough guys, "triple beam kna'mean?" Like I said before, I was always more into beats than rhymes, which is why I tended to gravitate towards the harder stuff- the beats banged."

A VISIT FROM DAP: Boxing Kangaroos

Ran across this well-done and hell-of entertaining article from Environmental Graffiti about the history of Kangaroo boxing in Australia and other (less shitty) places. It's all one big highlight (as Kangaroo related things tend to be AWESOME) but the highestlight would be this kangaroo named Killer Willard boxing on a US television show in the 80s.

Killer Willard - U DA BES'!!!

Rap name: ILLER WILLARD?

A VISIT FROM DAP: Certificates

In this dream I was in a parking lot wearing a white lab coat getting out of a car and walking to a gray medical complex. I walked up a few flights of stairs that had all sorts of inside-out bodies and posters of human anatomy about and ended up in a waiting room with maybe 10-12 very fat Midwesterny looking white women who were all clamoring for my attention by yelling "Doctor! Doctor!". I told them to talk to my secretary. I pushed my way through this crowd and ended up in my office where I shut the door. After sitting down for a few minutes with my head in my hands (a 'real-life' classic), a real fatty walked in following my secretary (another fat white lady, the dream only had fat white women in it) who told her to sit down and then left. She looked around at all the certificates and 'diplomas' hanging around the office and after a minute of silence asked me what they were for. In all seriousness I said 'oh, they're for wilding out" and the dream ended.

BEFORE THEY WENT BATSHIT: JAMES BROWN & MJ KICK IT ON STAGE

PLUS A THIRD SPRITE OF SEX, THE GREATEST OF ALL, JUST WAIT A COUPLE MINUTES.

Hima wanted me to write more when I posted videos, but I don't think words could do this video justice. I can say that there's a blooper at the end that made me LOL. also:

HOW DID THIS EVENT HAPPEN??!?

///promo

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

12:34:56 07/08/09

COMING UP FOLKS, DON'T MISS IT!

\\\fashun - some bullshit, camo - taliban chic

to borrow from camillo, "warning warning warning" - this post is me bragging about how cool i am for knowing/coming up with something before other motherfuckers. i'll be brief as i've already written far too many words. trying to bring mad words back to this blog though. ok.

///I was Taliban Chic before Newsweek

I only talked about taliban chic as a concept all the time because I knew it was going to pop off but also knew I don't have the money or talent to make my little dream a reality. Leif Vic and I worked on a joint called African Apparel and a year later those motherfuckers put african prints on their dumb clothes. But back to taliban chic. Take a look at some looks from Camo's s/s 2010 new lookbook.

while i have your attention on some fashin shit, also peep this new dior homme high neck jacket (via selectism.com):

A VISIT FROM DAP: Jermaine Jackson's headpiece + Rapper Loon = Devout Muslim

In the pandemonium surrounding Michael Jackson's death we've forgotten about the real victim, Jermaine Jackson's head.

Do you remember rapper Loon, who was pretty terrible and sounded exactly like Mase? Well he's left Bad Boy and was last seen kicking it in Saudi Arabia. My favorite part of this interview is when he's asked if he's still a Bad Boy and he responds 'No, I guess I'm what you call a good boy' Hmmm...

music: SUCKERS - you can keep me runnin' around

I think I first saw Suckers play at Flamboyan Theatre when I also first saw Yeasayer and MGMTs first show with a five-man line-up. Admittedly, I didn't pay much attention. Maybe I was drunk or something.

Flash forward to now, and I haven't been able to get this song out of my head for days now. I think I listened to it once 2 weeks ago and every day I sit here in my cubicle occasionally yelling out YOU CAN KEEP ME RUNNIN AROUND at the top of my lungs attracting hell of weird looks - more than usual even. I posted about these dudes heck of long ago and back then songs like Gets Your Body Moving and Horn Song were infectious to me. They still are.

I'm fond of multi-instrumentalists, both the term and the actual people, and Suckers has four of them. I get a real kick out of seeing a drummer play the keyboard and shit like that because I can't play ONE instrument and motherfuckers are out there playing two AT THE SAME TIME, like FIVE IN TOTAL DURING A SET, while singing EIGHTY-FOUR HUMAN WORDS WITH EMOTIONS (84HWWE). All of them are extremely talented musicians. Homie Pan is a talented designer too. And they all have chops. One of the things that drew me to Yeasayer when I first heard that shit 2 summers ago was that every member sang. It's also why I'm drawn to bands like Wild Yaks who we played with at Glasslands. I'm also very fond of describing people as "having chops." Now before I go on suckin' this band's d for heck of heck of long (as opposed to just heck of long), let me also say, frontman Quinn Walker is an extremely talented dood. This small town art-bubble we call Brooklyn, a liberal arts college for adults in the middle of an insane city where buildings are nostalgic for looking upon streets filled with human depravity and humans oblige, is insane because so many people have so many bands that are so fucking good and you drink beers with all these people and they're just people like anyone else, but sometimes you think about shit and you're like... holy shit, this motherfucker's a genius. Well, motherfucker's a genius. This band aside, his solo shit is great too. Great enough to make me not hate ALL people that could be described as "singer/songwriters" and each track sounds like a different GOOD artist. Dood played me some shit as we were drunk as hell in a bar at 4 am and though I can't recall a single track I can recall my jaw being firmly planted on a sticky bar.

As far as this song goes, more than anything, I think the words and sentiment in this song are real PRETTY. I can't hear the sound on this video cuz I'm at work but if it's wack peep the acoustic version they did for Time Out NY below this. Even if it ain't wack, do that do that do do that that that. Also peep their myspace for some other joints - it's linked at the bottom of this post.

Suckers have a residency at Pianos on the L.E.S. this month. I'll be hosting their show on July 16th. I don't know what hosting entails. Maybe I'll make a joke. Maybe I'll make three. Also playing that show are stellar dude Cameron Hull, the aforementioned Wild Yaks, and a band called Modern Science.

Read their EP review here : http://pitchfork.com/reviews/albums/12947-suckers-ep/ : 7.9/10

Read an interview with Quinn here. Hear how Cameron fell on his leg at the bar. If I stuck around that bar 10 more minutes I could have seen a dudes foot break in person! : http://pitchfork.com/news/35741-rising-suckers/

Head over to their Myspy : http://www.myspace.com/suckerstheband

\\\ two little men, too many eyedrops

ok ok ok

i came across this story on mishkanyc's twitter the other day and have to write about it. twitter, by the way, is one of four reasons i don't blog here as much as i used to. im working on that though. also, if stories like this keep popping up, you have nothing to worry about faithful 3 heems readers.

this past week mexico lost two little people with two big hearts.

that's how i choose to begin this story. take notes http://www.thesun.co.uk/ who ran with:

"TWO hookers were being quizzed last night after a pair of wrestling MIDGETS died in a sex party."

maybe their use of the word "midgets" instead of "little people" is on some cultural difference in political correctness, but why'd they capitalize "MIDGETS" as if to add insult to injury?

getting distracted. okay.

this past week mexico lost two little people with two big hearts to too many eyedrops and two two-bit whores. alberto and alejandro jimenez, better known as little death (ironically enough) and espectrito II, were two of mexico's most well-known little person masked lucha libre wrestler dudes. their bodies were found in their hotel room last week after they picked up two hookers who drugged them in an effort to rob them. their weapon of choice, straight out of wedding crashers where bradley cooper saw a similar fate sans death, was eye drops. although, again reverting over to http://www.thesun.co.uk/, "the dose was too much for their tiny frames." i bet this was something they'd done many times before but they didn't adjust the dose accordingly to their 4 foot bodies.

everyone wants to talk about michael jackson, farah fawcett, billy maize, robert macnamara, and steve mcnair but these guys were to little person wrestling in mexico and doing drugs and having sex parties what michael jackson was to pop music. what farah fawcett was to babes that were on tv shows for only one year but made a career and legacy out of it along with heck of popular posters. what billy maize was to being a pitch guy that wasnt a methhead selling sham wow or ron popeil. what bobbie mac was to being secretary of defense under kennedy and the first president of ford motors that wasn't a member of the ford family. and finally, what steve mcnair was to throwing a football or something.

then i got to thinking about wrestling. wrestling lately reminds me of hot 97 dj peter rosenberg who likes saying words like "real hip hop" and "underground hip hop" fourteen times during his 1 am monday morning radio show. wrestling historically has reminded me of my childhood. climbing on to my pops back while he laid on the floor watching ultimate warrior and all these wild ass dudes talking hella shit and fighting. jumping on his back and elbowing him. horsing around. i thought about how every time i spoke to a cousin in india when i visited they'd talk to me about wrestling since i was basketball-obsessed and they liked something called cricket. i thought about having my own wrestling matches with my cousins tarun and pankaj when we were kids.

then i thought about how mad wrestlers have died, on some epidemic shit. there is an alarmingly high death rate amongst professional wrestlers. in 2003 someone brought it up with vince mcmahon and he mocked the interviewer and slapped the notes out of his hands. these dudes travel all the time, put their bodies through abuse, and are already the type of dudes who would view professional wrestling as a viable career choice. i reckon you have to be a certain type of dude to want to be a wrestler passed the age of 18. when more hardcore wrestling like ecw became popular shit got even more buck and these dudes were being thrown through tables from large heights. beyond that a lot of them booze and partake in drogas here and there. so you have weird health issues, mental and physical, alcohol and drug abuse, freak accidents, travel accidents, and suicides and shit. its not 6 million, but its many ways to die.

now heres a list of some wrestlers i specifically remember or who sound vaguely familiar that have died before the age of 65:

crash holly - choking on vom after abusing painkillers (soma) and booze

"hot stuff" eddie gilbert - heart attack

eddie guerrero - heart failure

chris candito - pneumonia as a result of wrestling-related injury,

bobby duncum jr. - accidental overdose

owen hart - freak accident, falling from rafters

yokozuna (YOKOZUNA DIED?!) - fluid in his lungs though maybe his weight had something to do with this one. fun fact though, wasn't even japanese. like many wrestlers, dude was samoan. why are so many samoans into wrestling?

brian pillman - heart condition

test - overdosed on oxycodone

davey boy smith/british bulldog - heart attack maybe because of steroids

chris benoit - murdered wife and kids then hung himself

big boss man aka ray traylor - heart attack

rick rude - heart failure, may have been ghb and steroid related

earthquake - bladder cancer

bam bam bigelow (WTF?!) - quick story. bam bam bigelow used to dress up in this jumpsuit with mad orange flames on it. i think he may have even had a skull tattoo with matching flames. in 2000, he received second degree burns on 40% of his body while rescuing three children from a burning house. in 2007 he died of an overdose on coke and temazepam amongst others. he also had diabetes and a heart condition

junkyard dog - car accident

brian adams (crush) - illegal steroids likely played a role

SAVE THE WRESTLERS Y'ALL

A VISIT FROM DAP: Petite Feet

My favorite show on television right now is Tim and Eric Awesome Show Great Job on [adult swim]. This is one of the better segments I've seen on it, check it out!!111

Friday, July 3, 2009

A VISIT FROM KATE: CLEVELAND ROCKS!

Now to be fair, this could have happened anywhere...

but it didn't. When I quit my job I am going to go be a TV reporter for this channel.

I got dumber just reading the titles of the related videos, which include "Fat guy falls off van," "Fat woman can't get out of ditch," and "Fat guy falls on midget"

Let's just say this also happened in Ohio:

Here's some more love. They made a first one but I think I like this second one better because of the scooby doo reference.

Also, our economy isn't only based on Lebron James anymore bitches!

http://www.google.com/hostednews/ap/article/ALeqM5i5jd-FV--B8VfnGPdKN2_8rLeF3QD995TLI82

A VISIT FROM DAP: Fancy Fast Food

These dudes take normal meals and make them into fancy looking shit, giving you detailed instructikons along the way. Ejemplo:
Mix four packets of tartar sauce with four packets of ketchup to make some Thousand Island dressing. You will use it as you start to assemble each of the tapas dishes: onion rings draped with a dollop of the dressing, the cheese croquetas, the clams wrapped in bacon, the chicken papas rellenas (served with a dollop of dressing), the meatballs (served on a drizzle of Coke syrup, as well as brushed with some), the remaining bacon (a.k.a. jamón) garnished with parsley, and the chicken breast, also garnished with parsley after being brushed lightly with sweet Coke syrup.

EUGCH

Thursday, July 2, 2009

A VISIT FROM DAP: Jazz Wolf + The Food Episode 2

File this one under 'MY FAVORITE TYPE OF SHIT'

In the same vein as the Tuscan Gallon of milk on Amazon.com and the Wolf shirt is Jazz Wolf. Apparently it's some crappy 'jazz' album with a terrible name but people have been making fun of it in the comments section. Here's an example:

Peep the rest by clicking the wolf image up top.

Now, peep the latest Channel 101 episode of The Food by the homie Randall Park.

A VISIT FROM DAP: Mavis Beacon

I'm sure you guys are familiar with Mavis Beacon Teaches Typing. In my terrible middle school we had a class with this maniac teacher, Mr. Goldsmith, who used to "teach" all sorts of odd shitty little classes that were a complete waste of time. One of these classes was 'typing' which consisted of this dude rambling with the students and saying things like 'How ya doing, good buddy?' He would always say 'good buddy' after everything, but the second the principal, or another teacher walked into the room he would all of a sudden snap out of it and behave like a normal adult. I am not making this up.

Anyway, I was at Staples the other day, wanting to die, when I saw the box for the latest edition of Mavis Beacon Teaches Typing and wondered about the black lady whose always been on the box. Well it seems we've been BAMBOOZLED.
From Wikipedia: "Mavis Beacon" is not a real person. The original photo of Mavis Beacon was of a retired Caribbean-born fashion model named Renee Lesperance who was discovered in 1985 by Les Crane, the former talk-show host, while he shopped at Saks Fifth Avenue in Beverly Hills. Crane, who was then a partner in Software Toolworks, invented the name. Her first name was taken from Mavis Staples, lead vocalist for the Staple Singers, and from beacon, as in a light to guide the way.

There is no fly Jamaican lady who can type mad good, IT'S A SHAM, FUCK THE WORLD!

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

\\\VIDEO MUSIC BOX

Here's a video from MIA and Rye Rye. I always preferred video music box with Ralph McDaniels to MTV as a kid. Duh. New York Noise is an okay show, but is NYCTV public access? Not sure. Anyway this video's kind of cool because it reminds me of when I'm on the couch, all IRIE and shit, flipping through channels and I'll stumble across a public access show that consists of a lady with a mic running around a party interviewing drunk people that are just at this party, kicking it at the club. They interview random people who always drop their myspace link and spell out the URL very slowly and carefully like how a yuke dealer might recommend you dial your number to page them. Maybe. One time there was this 80s themed party in Jersey and one guy had an actual, real, Dapper Dan jacket. If I could get my hands on a Dapper Dan jacket I could pull husky Peruvian tricks ALLLLL DAAAAAAYYYYYYYYY.

And while I'm thinking of video music box I'll post more videos. Though none of these videos would have ever been on video music box. Ever.

Here's an angelic video for Dirty Projector's album banger Stillness is the Move. This song's been stuck in my brainz for a minute:

Here's a fuzzy video for Summer of Hate from The Crocodiles. I did not watch this video or listen to this song though I feel that it could somehow be good or relevant as the internet suggests it is.:

Here's a video for Wavves' No Hope Kids. I'm particularly fond of the shot where he's doing an e-mail interview. Those are fun. at 0:29, someone asks him in an email list of questions - "is this your first tour abroad? is it totally awesome?" and he responds "it is my first tour abroad. it is TOTALLY AWESOME." I would probably write the same thing because the same internet and same times have caused me to have the same sense of irony.

BrooklynVegan posted this video and along with a scene of the most insane office freak out ever. And this shit is INSANE. It's really dope. I wish I could do this, except for the part where he throws a computer at a lady. That looked like it could hurt. Someone in the comments section wrote this: "got a poking bone this is the most romantic thing in this gay earth." That should give you some sense of how awesome this is.

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