i am here to introduce you to one of the most amazing and respectable film production companies on the streets today:
The Asylum is a straight-to-DVD movie company that is noted for it's extensive revue of "mockbusters," ie low-budge, unabashed rip-offs of high-budge action and scifi flicks, released right before their big brothers hit theaters. Four examples:
You see those stars?? Other outstanding pieces of their faux-wave cinema include The Day The Earth Stopped, I Am Ωmega, Street Racer (knock off of both Speed Racer AND Fast & Furious), The Terminators, Allan Quatermain and the Temple of Skulls, 18 Year Old Virgin (really?), and oddly enough Sunday School Musical.
The head of the company has this to say: "I'm not trying to dupe anybody. I'm just trying to get my films watched. Other people do tie-ins all the time; they’re just better at being subtle about it. Another studio might make a giant robot movie that ties into the Transformers release and call it Robot Wars. We’ll call ours Transmorphers."
But really, folks, what we should be talking about here is:
Yes. This is a movie stars Debbie Gibson, Lorenzo Lamas, a Mega Shark, and a Giant Octopus. It is not a rip off of any movie in particular, but is rather a wholly unique piece of pure schlock genius.
I had the good fortune to be able watch the whole thing last week, totally sober, and it was more enjoyable than any shitty d-grade action movie that we grew up watching on TNT or while in a Blockbuster, waiting for our moms to pick out a good Chevy Chase movie for us to watch that night. Anyway, I happened to discover what twitter is for, and live-tweeted my experience watching MSvsGO. here are some highlights:
- now on a drilling platform in japan. dude says "everything's gunna work out I promise" THEN ENORMOUS TENTACLES RIP THE PLATFORM APART #IRONY
Sun Sep 20 18:22:03 - haha debbie says "let's get a drink" and it cuts to her and oliver platt on the beach drinking pints in brown bags.
Sun Sep 20 18:28:38 - debbie gets fired. evil boss: "Don't love the ocean too much. It doesn't love you back."
Sun Sep 20 18:38:58 - im going to stop starting tweets with any variation of "haha," but they should still be implied for every single one.
Sun Sep 20 19:01:09 - commander: "No." cut to shark, back to commander: "NO!" shark, commander: "NOOOOOO!!!!!!!"
Sun Sep 20 19:25:31 - 2nd science montage! so many test tubes with dyed water! staring in a microscope and shaking heads! mixing dyed water and shaking heads!
Sun Sep 20 19:49:57 - making out in the supply closet! crossfade to post-coitus on the floor. now they're discussing how attraction is based on smell.
Sun Sep 20 19:56:37 - holy shit this movie is only half over.
Sun Sep 20 20:07:56
If you're so inclined, you can read the full livetweet by clicking that tempting "Read more..." link at the bottom of this post, or this separate webpage dedicated to it.
Also, future plans include watching another Asylum jam (DEATH RACERS starring INSANE CLOWN POSSE!!) and livetweeting it simultaneously with the Godfather of Gartrelle himself, Hollywood Heems (whose livetweet of Sex and the City with @JamesDewey inspired me to LT in the first place). Stay tuned, you lazy blog-readers you...
