BOOBTUBE: REMEMBER SMENS

Neutralized!

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A VISIT FROM DAP: FLYING TO IMAGINARY VENUE

I had a dream that me, Hima, Ryder and an unidentified girl who said nothing during her short time in the dream and later disappeared, were headed to a Despot show in Greenpoint. The entire ride up to North Brooklyn (not sure where we were driving 'up' from) was almost completely deserted and looked nothing like it does in reality (aka REAL LIFE, SON). Anyway, we turn a corner onto Manhattan Avenue and it looked almost exactly like 14th street does between 5th and 6th avenue, except it was a lot grimier and just packed with people in their 20s. Hima pulls his car over for a second, which was like a 70s Dodge Dart or something and it stops running completely. Everyone was upset so I stepped out of the car and immediately started flying towards the venue but intermittently getting distracted and asking girls directions along the way. None of them seemed to mind or were alarmed that I was flying. I tried to get one to come to the venue, but I couldn't stop flying and she, alas, could not fly herself so I told her to meet me there, I remember. She was also wearing a billowy white dress and an olive branch-like thing on her head. Eventually I got to the venue, which was just a wide room with no stage where people of all ages were walking around, some banging drums and other people like throwing confetti and waving streamers in the air. I was looking for something to eat, I think.

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BOOBTUBE: KIDS DANCE THE DARNDEST THINGS

was this on gg already? if so, here's some other other shit of kids dancing, this time to some serious jansport-style backpack rap:

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A visit from Kate: boring but alright dream

I had a dream that I went to a bar and Victor was there with my cousin Sam and the actress Kat Dennings eating a multilayered sandwich (much like the one that we saw at the taco truck together the other night) but it was the size of a pizza.  Then I used the bartender's blackberry to google "best hot drink ever" 

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A VISIT FROM DAP: BOMBS AND PAINT AND LETTUCE

I just had a dream where I went to "school" with a kid I knew in 6th grade whose name I think was David, Hima and Chris Edley. We all looked just as we do now (no idea what this David dude looks like, probably BAD, he was ugly). The David kid sat next to me and was like a world-class painter and "agents" would come and watch him draw during class. They were talent agents but wore black suits and black sunglasses. I think my stupid monkey brain got caught up on the word "agents" and combined them, who knows. I was working on a painting of a hillside that caught fire on the first day. The bell rang or whatever and I walked out of class which was held in a trailer. After class we all worked picking lettuce heads outside of the trailer and tossing them into a huge cart. A bunch of stuff happened I don't remember and we had the next day of class which involved bombs for some reason. We were still painting but the teacher was talking about bombs and some kids were playing with bomb-looking things behind us. I finished my painting of a burning hillside but one of the students took it from me and sat on it and when he gave it back, the entire hill portion was solid black and the painting was ruined. I was pretty crushed cause I was supposed to repay a debt with the painting or trade it for something. The next day of class, we walk in and only half the class was there. The David kid starts walking around and suddenly yells "OH SHIT" and he grabs me and like another random person. We kick the door of the trailer off it's hinges and everybody starts jetting, and this first-person jetting scene lasted like a quarter-mile. There never was an explosion, I think my brain couldn't formulate one and ran out of scenery to randomly generate while I was running. I woke up on the floor next to the sofa.

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A visit from Kate: The Penguins Who Make the Cigarettes

Things that I find unsettling here:

• the way the penguins are constantly shifting scale relative to the Kools
• the conceit that tobacco leaves are individuals with personalities and backstories, some of which get discarded as unproductive members of the symbiotic penguin/tobacco leaf society.  Where do they go?  How do they make a living?  
• Also the penguins' crazy "I'm a factory drone/I'm high as fuck" googly eyes.  

But it's such a relief to have the cigarette making process demystified that I can forgive all that.

from here: http://tavi-thenewgirlintown.blogspot.com/

Match the ads to their target demographics: women with low self confidence, violin fetishists, tiny women and the men who love them, moms, bikers who are sick of having to compromise, black people, cocaine addicts c. 1979

"Light up a Kent as you think of dynamic ways to express what you feel."   

 "The process is similar to mixing a cocktail."

"Free base is not fluffy and does not toot well."

"You can buy spoons and straws anywhere, but when you're really serious about your smoking pleasure come to Earthworks." 

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A VISIT FROM DAP: KUFI SLAPPING OUT, SHTREIMEL SNATCHING IN

This Yiddish news site busted open this story just yesterday in Bushwick (Wallabout St. and Throop Av.). I'm including the file photo.

Williamsburg, NY - Chasidic Man Mugged On Yom Tov For His Shtreimel

The victim was walking from synagogue at around 9:30 pm and was near Wallabout Street and Throop Avenue when two young men approached him from behind. One of them lifted the man’s shtreimel, a fur hat with a $1,200 price tag, then both ran off.

Police are still searching for the suspects.

Wild shit. Check out this variety of comments:

"A fur hat with a 1200$ price tag. So he is a satmerer with the new takunes"

"I always said that the shtreimels r over priced but nobody does anythng abt it they only complain wjhen the sheitel prices r up. Hey a thought maynbe it was made from avoda zara fur"

"They can use it Chas vsholom to look chassidic and enter an area for a pigua. Hashem Yishmareinu"

There are dozens more but this is my favorite:

"Paying a thousand bucks for a high-end shtreimel is a waste. No where does it say that we must follow the livush of our grandparents and pay obscene amounts to copy the headware of Polish nobility. Also, a goy might spend a hundred dollars on baseball hats but not a thousand. Finally, what does a Shtreimel have to do with a chassanah. Any girl who marries a bochur for his Shtremel is in need of serious help."

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BOOBTUBE: SHITTY RAP, MADONNA FRONTIN

everythingisterrible.com has compiled an excellent digest of early 90s rap, with some early nerdcore, tweencore, MF Doom maskology, and one seriously wack-ass Madonna:


Seriously Some Early 90s Rap Blows Dude

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BOOBTUBE: THE PERFECT MUSIC VIDEO

we all know this song is perfect, but have you ever witnessed its visual accompaniment, which exhibits perfection to a fucking biblical level?

Hall & Oates - She's Gone (video)

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WEIRD DOLPHIN LADY CAN FLY

I had a dream I was having an argument with my sister about something in the middle of an ancient redwood forest and then we got into that cartoon car from Who Framed Roger Rabbit? and drove down a giant hill that got steeper and steeper until it was vertical and then everything went black and there were flashing patterned lights and then we pulled into the Lake Merritt BART station where she said she had to go to class at Laney College and said bye and I went into a doorway and down a hallway to a place called the Japanese Underwater Museum, which was literally underwater, and I swam around looking at traditional Japanese woodblock prints.

I opened the emergency exit door and outside was a rocky plateau overlooking an ocean vista but the water did rush out of the door like it's supposed to, it just stayed there like a Jell-O mold or that one scene in The Abyss. I walked out and was like, "Where is this?" and this dude passing by who looked like either Kenny Rogers or the Gorton's fisherman but dressed like the Gorton's Fisherman said, "You're in Australia." I asked him if we were at the same latitude as El Salvador and he said that we were more south. His story checked out.

I noticed five dolphins lying on the rocks by the shore, which all simultaneously leapt into the water. Then I noticed a blonde 40-ish woman (who I figured was German, I don't know why) in a wetsuit with a bucket full of fish that she was throwing to the dolphins like she was at a water park. I climbed down the rocky plateau, sat on a rock that was mostly submerged in water and motioned with my hand to one of the dolphins with my hand as if I had some food to feed it. It swam over to me and I asked the German lady if it was cool to pet the dolphin. She said, "Yes, but be careful, they sometimes bite." She didn't have a German accent.

The dolphin kind nuzzled up to me in my lap and playfully bit at my hand. I noticed that the dolphin looked less like a dolphin and more like a beluga whale mixed with an elephant seal. Then all of a sudden I realized the dolphin was a naked woman and we were touching each other sensually.

Then the dolphin woman picked me up and we started flying around over the ocean, occasionally diving down into the water and popping back up. Everytime we dove down into the water I had the vague apprehension that a shark was right out of my line of sight and about to eat us, but then we'd zip back out of the water again and fly around. This continued for a while and then sort of blended seamlessly into some other part of the dream that I now forget.

In another part of the dream I was explaining the dream to gordongartrelle.blogspot.com bloggers Hima and Dap (a variation on the dreaming about blogging about dreaming motif I seem to have going) and a whole bunch of other shit happened but I can't quite remember. I think I was flying above a river for a while and/or river rafting... and there was some sort of standardized test I was taking I think? It was a really long dream.

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\\\\\\\\\\music from himanshu

motherfuckers blocked my corporate computer from blogspot. today a partner at the firm asked me to look someone up on linkedin and i told him i couldn't because it was blocked on my computer. he chuckled. i already knew it was him because ishmael the afghani IT guy told me on the low it was him but the chuckle confirmed that shit. they blocked g chat and twitter too but I found a way around them jawns. anyway its a good think i have my blogger friends to pick up the slack. especially jordan fish - YO WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT CHILD BIRTH SHIT ABOUT LAST WEEK HOMIE? (I speak to jordan on here in this blog post because if you've yet to realize it this blog is more about us continuing to impress each other than impressing you, the four readers who aren't blogging here YET. Iss like a message board blog type thing.)

MUSIC -
"Jesus Christ" (the indie band) is the new musical collabo jawn from Tao Lin and Carles from Hipster Runoff. They're old buds apparently. Cool. I read that Shoplifting from American Apparel novella on the trip down from Montreal and actually dug it a lot, but I like everything. Actually, I only like South Asian authors so this was a step in the right direction. Here's their first song, highjacked from GvsB:

IS THIS REALLY WHAT YOU WANT

Been bumping this remix/cover The XX did of that one song by Florence & The Machine for a minute. Iss like.... Burial-esque with dark steel drums + highpitched chops + 2-step island feel + 808. highjacked from pitchfork

THAT REMIX COVER TYPE THING BY THE XX

The homegirl Julianne who's my twitter homie and my favorite writer at the Fader put this up today and I likes it a lot. I stopped digging dance music a while ago though continued to rap on it (I AWNO YO) but lately I've been on quite a dubstep kick. I also never got sick of Burial. Is Burial dubstep? I still don't exactly know what dubstep is. About a year ago I started asking producers to make us dubstep beats without ever knowing what it was. SHIT IS GREAT THOUGH, so - highjacked from the fader =


WHEN I LOOK AT YOU

Here's a remix Jamie from The XX did of a Jack Penate jawn (via pasta primavera)-

JACK PENATE THE XX COVER

Since I mentioned Burial twice just now I should put up that Burial song every blog took down probably but they took them down and i dont want no street heat. if you really want it hit me up on g chat.

what else?

i dont know, im going to go drink now.

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Brief CFE: This is it

THIS IS JUST WHAT THE DOCTOR ORDERED

This is what the nurse ordered:


Ata Kak's Yemmpa Aba is pure genius.

I am about to get serious on here for:
A F R I C A

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BOOBTUBE: HARDCORE COVERS THAT ARENT PURE SHIT

maybe it's just because the original songs are so good, but i find these to be very listenable.



this one also has the most byootiful vhs editing/distortion/glitchery:

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A VISIT FROM DAP: DRAWINGS OF MY HEAD AND TORSO

Four drawings of my head and torso from Monday night:

Himanshu Suri

Chris Campisi

Himanshu Suri

Chris Campisi

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A VISIT FROM DAP: RODAN 657'S HEADSCARF SITE

While trying to find a picture of a woman in a turban, I stumbled upon this fantastic old-skool website that was updated as recently as a week ago. The guy collects pictures of women wearing headscarves in various styles. I'll let him do the talking though: "This site was first conceived early in 2000. I had developed quite a fascination with women wearing headscarves, mainly as a result of dating several girls who were into "the look" (it's cold and windy around here) and after seeing some of the pioneering sites like the Scarf Web Site and the Scarf Fashion Site I thought about building my own website. It would have nothing to do with nudity, bondage or anything of the sort. There's abundant place on the Web for those things, but my site would have just been a celebration of fashion, glamour, the allure of the headscarf-wearing woman."

There's even an alphabetized videocapture section of celebrities wearing headscarves with the screen times indicated. Nice. Interview HOPEFULLY coming soon.

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A VISIT FROM DAP: INDIAN AUTO-RICKSHAW DRIVER MAN MARRIES WHITE AMERICAN STUDENT

from Boing Boing: It was just another hot day in Jaipur when Harish, an autorickshaw driver, sees Whitney, a University of Chicago student, in the distance and was awestruck. He asks her out for a cup of tea and she says no. He asks again, and she says no again. But Harish's persistence pays off, by the fourth time she comes around and they both grab a cup of tea. He shows her around Jaipur and, at the end of the day, he proposes to her. She accepts.



Hmm. Not sure what to say. Let's work it out in the comments?

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